The Blueprint You Need to Build Your Own VIP Crew and Cultivate Accountabilibuddies

Speaker 1 It's Friday night. Radish, the dog, is right here growling a little bit because he wants some snuggles. And I'm here recording this podcast for you and for me. So welcome back to Masterful Listening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so it's like December 30th. No. When's the new year? Gosh, I don't even know. Everyone's been saying happy new year. I feel like we're all kind of ready for 2023 too. And it's the 29th today. So yeah, Friday the 29th. The eve of the eve. Of the eve of the last day of the year. What is it? 1, 2, 3. 1, 1, 2, 2, 3. Something about that. Point is, yes, we've made it. We've made it. And you know what's helped me make it? Uh obviously masterful listening, but even more so than that. And maybe even better said, in addition to that, and such a

Speaker 1 big part of that, it's my VIP crew and my accountability buddies. In fact, if you listen to the last episode, which just went live, I think today, uh, when I'm recording this next one, I'm in a little bit of a crunch at the end of the year because I set a goal to have 13. And it felt very unrealistic with life's circumstances, and yet I'm a doing it. Yeah, I mean, if anyone's curious what Svetlana does on a Friday night when it's sexy and raining, she's with her favorite canine companion, Rad, uh, recording a podcast. So honestly, life is good. I have a pineapple right here

Speaker 1 for those on the video. Apparently.

Speaker 1 Pineapples. Lots of delicious and healthy nutrients. Because if you might hear, I might cough. I've been a little under the weather. I need to stop pulling myself away from this mic. All right, loves. I don't think this is gonna be a really long one, but this is a really important one. And it's actually one that I came up with last minute. I had a different topic, but I tuned in after the episode that I recorded earlier today about coaching, the values coaching exercise. Uh, I hope you've checked it out. If you haven't, I highly suggested I basically walk us through uh a values coaching activity where

Speaker 1 I'm coaching myself live and coaching you. It was really great. And I was thinking about what I'm going to do as part of my commitment to grow my value of discipline next year. And I remembered and came back to this term accountabilitybuddy that I invented, I don't know, 15 years ago. I don't even know when I said it, but I know I said it before I heard anyone else say it. Meaning to me, it felt profound. And I've shared it a lot through the years. And I kind of like it. Accountabilitybody, it kind of makes it like fun. But the reality is as a coach, uh

Speaker 1 as a coach, we need accountability. Like that's the main thing I do for people is I am their accountability buddy, meaning someone who can help you stay accountable to your goals. So this episode is first of all dedicated to all of the accountability buddies in the world, not just mine, but for all of you out there who've helped those that you love stay accountable. You might be a professional coach, you might just be a good friend. It's way harder to be accountable to yourself than to help others, hence why we need each other. And woo! I feel like every time I cough, now my story is

Speaker 1 it's a sign from the universe saying, Yes, you are correct and brilliant. Well, thank you. That's why I'm coughing so much. All right. So let me do my little introduction, how we do every time. Masterful listening, welcome if this is your first time. Awesome. You're getting in right on time. It's episode 12, just one more left this season. And uh it's one of my favorite topics. I'm gonna tell you a quick story about how I came up with this idea of the VIP crew and accountability buddies and how it is one of my mental wealth tools that I teach in my mental wealth workshops, which is

Speaker 1 my work, my passion. I'm an advocate for mental wealth, I call it, because our mental health is our wealth. And if you want to learn more about that, you can listen to the other episodes. I'm not gonna go into that, but I will do a quick summary of masterful listening. We're here again or for the first time, because we care about the power of being good listeners, not just good listeners, masterful listeners, meaning listeners who are genuinely listening because we want to, because we want to improve, because we want to connect, because we want to be heard and hear, right? Not everything that we say is

Speaker 1 what's heard, not everything we hear is what's being said. We miss so much because most of the time we're distracted, and that's okay, that's normal. And yet, what would it be like to be a masterful listener? Well, you tell me. Have you been practicing? I hope it's helping you. This is a massive thing that helped me. It is one of the three tools that I teach at my workshop. So you're gonna get a sneak peek, and I'm gonna attach a webinar that I did for the University of Peace in Costa Rica this last year. I presented this mental wealth workshop at the Gross Global Happiness Summit

Speaker 1 in March in Costa Rica. I presented it to a room of happiness researchers, colleagues, friends. It was a really special moment in my life, particularly because I was invited to present a few years ago. And I've been doing these mental wealth workshops for over a decade. I think my first one I ever did was at the NASDAQ Entrepreneurial Center, which was super awesome because it's like back there, it was also more rare that people were talking about mental health the way that we are now. It's better now. We still need to talk about it more. But the point is, I've been doing this for a while,

Speaker 1 but then right before I was supposed to go, I had a pretty severe mental health issue. So before I dive into the story, masterful listening. Listen fully. As with everything, every episode. This is a school. This is a chance for you to practice listening. First step of masterful listening, check in. You interested? You want some uh information about how to get your own accountability, buddy? Maybe have your own VIP crew. I used to think entourages were just like for cool people because they're cool. No, people have entourages because they need help. When you do a lot in the world, you need support. So my whole um

Speaker 1 opinion of what an entourage, entourage, entourage has shifted, and yet I call it the VIP crew. These are these are my VIPs. They are there for the good, and they're definitely there for the bad. They save my life, and I want you to have your own crew. So I'm gonna run through how to create one, how to design one, and hopefully you get your own crew too. So listen with your full self. Listen to my words. If you get distracted, come back. Listen to the energy, listen to the words between the words, the pause between the words, the tone. Listen because you want to. And if

Speaker 1 you get distracted, put it on, rewind it, listen to it again when you have the time. Remember, it is much kinder, I think, not to listen at all than to half-ass listening. You know, let's not half-ass things. Either do them or don't do them. Actually simplifies life a bit more, I think. And with that, I'm gonna tell this story, practice your listening, and then at the end, I'm gonna give you a little homework assignment since this is the world's first listening school that you actually really want to go to. Right? Okay. Uh the inspiration for the VIP crew, I believe, happened on a bus to Google

Speaker 1 Mountain View 2013. I was commuting, I was on a project at Google and I was uh working there, but I was also in my phase of research of the inspiration phase. So I was reading a lot of books and talking to people and writing about the idea of inspiration, what inspires you. And I was reading Danielle Laporte's, I think it was Firestarter Sessions. Uh, shout out to Ms. Danielle Laporte, Total Soul Sister. Kind of shocked we haven't met yet, but it's gonna happen at the right time. But thank you so much because you said something like the VIP bus or who's on your bus. And I

Speaker 1 heard the term the VIP, which I always liked, and then the idea of like driving your bus and like who's on your bus. And then I just thought, crew, entourage. And I kept talking a lot in my life about like, you gotta have your people, you gotta have your crew, who's on your crew. And then, interestingly enough, after that time at Google, I fell into a very, very, very dark place. And what I learned in that place was a few things. Oh my gosh, I learned so many things in that place. But the ones that are connected to this idea of a crew. First, I learned

Speaker 1 asking for help is so important. Like if I hadn't asked for help, I would have died a hundred percent. And it's fucking hard to ask for help sometimes, especially if you're like me, very strong, very capable. I'm usually the one helping people. So for me to ask for help, especially when you feel like you're drowning, super vulnerable. So A, asking for help is important. Um B though, and this is huge, you gotta be careful who you ask. Because I was in a place where I was asking so many people for help, and I was getting so many opinions that honestly, at some point, I got even

Speaker 1 more overwhelmed. I had like 20 opinions. Take pharmaceuticals, never touch that shit. Go to see a shaman, go to the psych ward, go to this therapy group, don't ever go to those. I was legitimately already suffering to such a degree that asking everybody's opinion started to feel like, oh my god, no, no, no, no, no, which is there, which is when I kind of came up with this idea of okay, who's gonna be on my VIP crew? Like, who are the people in my life who

Speaker 1 are just the ones I trust, the ones I go to, the ones that like are there for me, that I'm there for, the ones that I can design an alliance with around what that even means. Because the coach in me knows that when you have a team or crew, there have to be agreements. I design alliances at this point with everybody, like literally people I start dating, I do this with, which is funny because it's a coaching term, which just means when you start a group, uh, whether it's a workshop or a one-on-one coaching engagement or a group coaching engagement, the first thing you do is

Speaker 1 you design your alliance. You sit down with the person and you basically say, Hey, here's who I am. Here's what I need to feel safe in this relationship or in this experience. I need to know that things are confidential between us. Um, I need to know that you know that I will interrupt you for your good, etc. Right? So designing alliances is really important. And actually, I didn't realize the importance of designing the alliance with your VIP crew until my like second or third round of depression when I went back in. You know, I had one friend who always tried to make things a little more

Speaker 1 comical. She's like, You going back? I'm like, oh no. She's like, What'd you forget in there? I'm like, I don't know. But yeah, it felt like I was just diving back into this deep gorge of my spirit, psyche, mind. And again, I came out of it. Every time I've come out of it, I've come out of it with some nuggets of I mean uh healing, love, wisdom, peace. Um, but what helped me through was my VIP crew, and I realized that you can't just like have people in your life that is your support system, right? Like that term you've probably heard of. You have to, and

Speaker 1 what I suggest you do, and I'm gonna walk you through it briefly, and I'm gonna link the mental wealth webinar. Watch it for yourself. It's free, it's easy. Not only is it kind of cool to have a VIP crew, it can save your life. It saved my life. So the idea is have three to five people in your life that you will call your VIP crew. Now, if you like that name, cool, use it. If you don't, make your own damn name, you know. Uh, whatever you want. I love the idea of being a VIP, a very important person, you know. It kind of has that

Speaker 1 like cool connotation of like, oh, you're in the VIP section. It's like, yeah, motherfucker, I'm in the VIP section of my life for sure. Are you in the VIP section of your life? Because I haven't always felt like that. And sometimes it feels great, but not just because it's cool, because very important people are important for us to have in our life when our lives are falling apart and when our lives are great. It's sometimes even more sad when you feel like you can't share your joy with anyone, right? Like if you feel like people, friends can't celebrate your success. You know, the VIP's gotta be

Speaker 1 people who I think can be with you through the fucking, and I'm cursing a lot more in this one, but at this point, if you're listening, you probably aren't bothered by that. But you know what I mean? Like I'm ripping a piece of paper as I did that in case you heard it, because I just wanted to write some notes down because I feel like I'm getting emotional, and that's what I do for me to focus sometimes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this gets me emotional because the VIP, again, it sounds like this fun, cool thing, and it it really saved my life. So, three to five people in your life. And now when you think about who to invite to this VIP crew, I also want you to think about it first from who would you want on your team if things were hard? Then we're gonna move into and are these good people to be in your life when things are well. But this concept is so that when you're struggling in life, you know you have a crew of people who are there for you and who are

Speaker 1 there for each other. That's the other part we're gonna get to. So here's some suggestions. Friends, great. Therapists, maybe, doctors, maybe. Family, usually not a good idea. The key is do not have people on your crew who make things more stressful. Very simple example. Uh, my best friend, love of my life, my mom, love her so much, she could not be on my crew. Because when I was super, super, super in the dark, depressed, my mother was suffering too. She was worried about me. So when I called her, most of the time, if I was anxious, that was not the right person for me to call.

Speaker 1 I needed to call my cosmic hubby Jonathan, who was calm and could just listen to me and hold that space. And so I realized after calling my mom a lot and then being frustrated and more upset that it wasn't her fault. It wasn't even really my fault. But it's like, you know, what is that quote? Why you keep being pissed about the clowns like you're going to the circus? And I'm not saying my mom's a clown, my mom's a warrior goddess queen. But the point is, do not call someone who's super anxious about your depression when you're super anxious when you're depressed, right? Like that is

Speaker 1 not setting you up for success. So when you think of your VIPs, who makes you feel better? Who grounds you in whatever way? I have someone on my crew who's a very uplifting and positive person. I have someone on my crew who I can call and say, Hey, can we just talk about how we hate everyone and everything right now for like three minutes and vent? Yeah, I need both. So for me, it's been like three or four friends, my therapist at the time, my psychiatrist at the time, my yoga teacher. I had a range of people, and first, figure out who are they. Second, invite

Speaker 1 them officially. Something like, hey, Mark, you've been such a great friend to me. And I'm kind of just putting this thing together. It's more metaphorical, but but it is real. It's this idea of a VIP crew, and and I want you to be like on this crew. All that means is like I can reach out to you if I really feel like I need some support and we can create some sort of accountability. It's been a really hard time, and I'd really just appreciate a little bit of support. Are you willing to do that? It's a very important part. So invite them, tell them why. Mark,

Speaker 1 I'm inviting you. I'm gonna switch the name. I don't know why I said mark. I because my podcasting software says stop and then mark clip, and I saw the name mark, but I don't have a mark in my life that's super close to me. Uh, but I do have a gosh, a Michaela. Okay, there's another M. And Michaela's a friend who is on my VAP crew. And it was like that. It's like, hey, could you please kind of be on this crew? Um, and and what do you need to be on it? Because guess what? Supporting a friend through mental health is really hard. I mean,

Speaker 1 God, I all my friends suffered, my family suffered. Then I had to forgive myself and not beat myself up for that because it's a horrible feeling when you're suffering, and then you're seeing that your suffering is causing the suffering of those that you love, right? That makes you suffer more. I'm telling you, this is why a lot of people just don't even ask for help. Uh for so many reasons. But the point is, if you're listening to this still, you're probably somehow intrigued by this idea. It's so simple. Ask a few people to join your crew, tell them why, and then ask them what they need

Speaker 1 from you. Meaning they might have boundaries. This last round of my journey into the dark night, uh my partner said, Svet, please do not text me during the day. When I get your text during the day and I'm at work, they really distract me. Can you please text me or call me after work? Unless it's an emergency. That was really hard for me at the moment because I was so depressed that I, you know, was making up horrible stories about everything. And I was like, he doesn't love me anymore. And that was not true. He was trying to take care of himself, and I love that

Speaker 1 because I don't want to impact people negatively, and yet you have to design that. So ask people what they're willing to do, what they're not, and then can I connect you with the other people in the VIP crew? I gotta tell you guys, this was actually hilarious and beautiful and frustrating. My VIP crew was like uh five people who mostly knew each other, but like not fully through the last couple of years. They have all become such good friends. At some point, I was like mad because I was like suffering, but they were bonding. They were funny enough bonding over how fucking annoying I was being

Speaker 1 at moments and how challenging I was being. And so imagine me seeing that. On one hand, I was like, oh, how great that you're bonding over my despair. But I was happy that they were bonding. I also was happy that they had each other to support each other as they were supporting me. Thank you to everyone out there who supports their friends, their family through mental health issues. This is an insanely hard thing to do. We don't talk about this enough. So having your own VIP crew, it's sort of like it spreads the load a little bit. And then those people on the crew, they're connected

Speaker 1 and they can co-create their own alliance. And they can make their own VIP crews. Like this is a concept that everyone in my life knows. I say it all the time. They know they're on my crew. I tell them to make their crew. They do. It is really freaking simple, free. It's vulnerable. People also want to help. That's the thing you have to realize. If you're someone like me who's struggled with asking for help, you have to consider that when someone asks you for help, they're giving you a chance to serve, to support, to give. We all, one of our human fundamental needs is to give

Speaker 1 and be of service. So honestly, asking for help is a gift. You just have to see it that way. So I suggest also do this exercise. Make this crew now. You got two days before the end of the year. Reach out to three to five people in your life. And if you don't have three to five, reach out to two. Two is enough, I guess. Or not, I guess. I can guess you might have at least three people in your life if you really think about it. And if you don't, start with where you're at. Reach out, ask them to join your crew. Send them this

Speaker 1 episode. Explain it. Say that you think they're fucking cool and you want to have your own entourage of life, of support, of celebrating the triumphs, the tragedy, the survival, the heroes' journey that we all go through here and that we could not go through alone. Design with them, thank them, check in with them, and do it when you're well. Because I'm telling you, all of this stuff is so much harder to do when you're not well. So do it today. If you're not well today, great. You you've now been given this information. I guarantee you have people who love you. I guarantee that even if your

Speaker 1 mind is convincing you that you don't, it is not true. Somebody loves you. I bet more than one person loves you, whoever you are. They want to help you. Ask them to join your VIP crew because then they get to be an accountability buddy. So what's an accountability buddy? How is it connected? Well, accountability buddy, right? VIP crew people in my life were the people who I would say, Anastasia, I can't get out of bed in the morning. It's just really hard. Can you uh call me every morning at 6 a.m. and make sure I'm up? Can you drive over and crawl into my bed with

Speaker 1 me and get me up? And you know what? She did both. So thank you again, Anastasia, for being my VIP crew sister. Damn, these people went out of their way for me. I mean, I can't even. Chrissy walked with me every day on the phone for like, I don't know, months. I love you, Chrissy. Shout out to you. Uh just you just popped into my head, Becky. Oh my god, Becky. Our workouts every day where I was literally screaming and crying, couldn't do anything, and you were like, come on! That is love, guys. That is love. It's because these people in my life and the people

Speaker 1 in your life, they love you. And sometimes when we're in the dark, remember depressed, deep rest. Jim Carrey says it very beautifully. When I met him, I had a moment with Jim Carrey when I asked him what inspires him. And his answer was so profound and simple. Honestly, I don't remember what it was, I just remember the moment, the feeling. It was this like very peaceful surrender moment where I thought, we're all tired. We need to fucking rest. And I feel like depression's weirdly enough, it's just like a very painful way to rest. Depression's, you know, there's a calmness to it. It's the anxiety that I'll

Speaker 1 take depression over anxiety any day. I'm just saying this is a whole other topic. The point, though, of all this, I think there's a point. As I'm thinking it's time to wrap up, because I think I've made my point. My point is that we deserve all of us, you, me, everyone you know, to have love. And when we cannot find love within ourselves because we're human and we get lost, we deserve to have love from a VIP crew. They are our accountability buddies. They are the people we can design accountability with so that if you're having trouble getting out of bed, completing an assignment, cleaning your

Speaker 1 house, drop in that extra weight that you've been wanting to drop. Whatever your goal is. A, a great way to get an accountability is hire a coach. Yes, of course. This is what I get paid a lot of money to do. This is what I love to do. However, not everyone can afford a coach. So I'm going to be doing a lot of coaching live here on this show actually next season because I want to make coaching more available. However, with the podcast format for coaching, I can't exactly keep all of the audience members uh accountable, right? That would be a lot of time. Although, you

Speaker 1 know, who knows? Maybe there'll be a creative way to figure out how to do that in a community setting through this experience. But until I figure that out, go as we wrap up, and as you notice right now, how is it to listen to that? Are you excited? Do you want your own crew? Come on, it's so cool. Uh, go inform your crew. Ask a few people to be on your VIP crew. If for some reason you're listening to this and you know me and you want me to be on your crew, ask me. It's an honor. Uh, or don't ask whoever. It's for you. You're

Speaker 1 loved. You are a VIP. I know. I know you are. I don't care who you are. Meaning, of course I care. I mean, it doesn't matter who you are. If you're here listening to me right now, it's so funny. Um I have this feeling like it's Friday at nine something. What is it, nine, whatever p.m.? And I just feel like you're with me here, even though you'll be listening to this, obviously not now, but somehow in this odd multidimensional time space matrix we live in, you are with me and I'm with you. We are all actually each other's VIP crew, but we don't live in a

Speaker 1 world where we remember that we are all one. We feel separate and alone and terrified. And in the moments where I felt separate and alone and terrified, I had my crew of VIPs, and I knew who they were, and they knew who I was, and I knew what their commitment was to me and what their boundaries were, and they had each other and they had me, and I'm telling you, they saved my life. So this particular episode is dedicated to Jonathan, Hana, Michaela, Chrissy. Uh, you were with me on my last birthday. Oh, Anastasia, how'd I forget you? I didn't forget you. You needed to come

Speaker 1 at the end as the Moldovan cosmic sister. Uh, but but yeah, the five of you this last time truly showed me what it means to be a VIP kind of human. Not just by how you supported me, but how you stood up for yourselves, how you said where you couldn't support me, how you taught me fierce compassion and boundaries, and how you showed me so much love and taught me that it is okay to ask for help and that now I also feel more comfortable, not just receiving it, but giving it, sharing this message. So thank you to my VIPs. Also, remember your crews change over

Speaker 1 time. Someone might be available to be on your crew one season, someone might need you to be on their crew a different season more. Sometimes we give more, sometimes we take more. It's not about competing or comparing what we give and what we take. It's about getting clear on the fact that you deserve support. You deserve also to have awareness of how you support others, and one of the best ways you can support everyone in your life is by being a masterful listener, you masterful listener, you.

Speaker 1 How was that? I hope it was fun. I hope it inspired you to make a list. Get out a piece of paper right now. Write down a few names of your VIPs. Go ask them to join your awesome program. All right.

Speaker 2 Okay, awesome.

Speaker 1 See ya at episode thirteen.