"I'm Bipolar... Maybe?" What it means to take control of your Mental Wealth and own your whole self.

Speaker 1 This one, the first episode of season two, goes out to all the humans out there who have any health, mental health, any kind of health-related issues, and also to those who support them, us. We all gotta love each other, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ayay, we made it. 2024, season two, masterful listening. Wow. Here we are. We made it. Thank you for being here. If you're back, welcome back. I really hope you enjoyed the first season of this listening school. And if you're tuning in for the first time, howrad! Thanks for being here. This particular episode is very special. I mean, they all are. But this one in particular actually was meant to be one of my first books. And as my life continued to evolve, I realized that I love the catchy name that came to me of I'm bipolar. Maybe. And I don't want to wait to release it as

Speaker 1 a book because this is it. We have a moment right now. I have a moment right now to share, to tap into my vulnerability and authenticity and to really own my whole being, my whole story. And I wish that for you too. I don't know what your experience has been with health, with mental health. I don't know who in your life has suffered, but I know that we all suffer as human beings. And I know that in our world, while it's getting better, I feel like the stigma around mental health is still there. And it's so fascinating to me because, you know, our mind, our brain,

Speaker 1 our heart, our emotions, the the two things that are really part of mental health issues, you know, our thoughts, our feelings, our bodies, and how they react. It's all in our body, right? So it's just under the umbrella of health. And in my case, getting a diagnosis of bipolar 10 years ago from a doctor who spent one hour with me when I was in a panic scared the shit out of me. And I want to make this clear too. For me, receiving a diagnosis at a time when I was so anxious and depressed did not help me. But for others, it does help. I've talked to

Speaker 1 people who've been diagnosed bipolar, some very close to me in my life. I actually ran a depression support group a few years ago. And a lot of them said that they really appreciated the diagnosis because it actually helped them understand oh, this is what this has been in my life. So that's where we're gonna bring this to masterful listening. We all receive information in our own unique way. A diagnosis for someone could be terrifying, and for someone could be a relief. That's why it's important to know how to listen to yourself and who to listen to. Because there's a lot of different doctors out there, there's

Speaker 1 a lot of different therapists, there's a lot of different humans. And one of the most powerful tools that I've discovered for mental health and mental wealth, and I talked about it in a few episodes last season, because this is sort of the common thread for me as a mental wealth advocate, is who are you listening to? Who's on your VIP crew? You can't listen to everybody because when you do, it can get really overwhelming. I'm making this episode in particular, but also this podcast, because when I was really suffering and I tried to go on the internet to find some support, it was, I mean, it

Speaker 1 was almost impossible because some of the information I found scared the shit out of me. And I started thinking, like, oh my God, now I'm sick and I'm mentally ill and uh my life is over. And then the other stuff I found was like, be positive and stay inspired, and everything is great. And I'm like, fuck you, like everything is not great. So I didn't want inspiration, but I didn't want to be more terrified. So I was like, where is like a real helpful, supportive, honest uh place where I can feel like I'm not alone and learn some tools and be in community. And well, this

Speaker 1 is it, guys. This is what I'm doing. This is a very big passion of mine. Um getting the right information is super important. Um, it's also very important, and this is the coach in me, to reframe and to truly create stories and meaning based on what we're going through in life that actually serves us. We are just meaning-making machines, right? We can make up all kinds of shitty stories or awesome stories. And it's really hard to make up an awesome story when you're struggling through a mental health crisis, right? And so I'm not gonna encourage you to do that, but I am gonna encourage you to

Speaker 1 start paying a little more attention to your thoughts and to your words and to your feelings, because remember, we are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings, we're not even the things that we do or the things that happen to us. We are this kaleidoscope of humanity that is all of our experiences, all of who we are as beings and the things we do. And it is up to us to determine who we are in our lives, right? Like I always say, you are the producer, writer, actor, star. Don't be a guest star in your freaking life. You're starring in it, but know who you

Speaker 1 want to be a guest star. You're also the costume designer, the music producer. You're also the freaking chief financial officer, right? Realizing that actually you are in control and that you're the reason you are where you are can actually be very frustrating at first because it's honestly easier to blame others and the world and shit happens. But at some point it can become very empowered, empowering. It can be very empowering because if you are the reason that you are where you are, and if your body for some reason has some disease, disease, that means you're the one who can get yourself through it. If you're the

Speaker 1 problem, well, you're sure as hell the solution as well. How cool is that? If the body can get sick, the body can heal. That's just logic. And when our brains get overwhelmed, because by the way, between the stress of like there's constantly some war, some plague, um work is stressful, financial things are stressful, there's pollutant, just toxins everywhere. Honestly, I think if someone isn't having some depression and anxiety, that's a bit odd. And I'm not saying that from a judgmental standpoint, I'm saying it to normalize it. Okay, we all suffer in some way. Let's not get into this pain Olympics. Bipolar, basically, to me today, something

Speaker 1 that I kind of own as maybe part of who I am. It's just a spectrum, it's the continuum. And yes, my spectrum as a human being has always been super wide. I can be really energetic and excited. I could be super low energy and really down. Okay. I can be super creative and have nothing there. I have always had a spectrum. I've always also had a lot of gifts, which is a funny thing to say, but actually that's what sent me into the depth of despair. I feel like the universe gave me all these gifts, and I've had them since I was a child. I could

Speaker 1 always feel very deeply. I was very intuitive, I had these psychic abilities, I was very smart, I was like a math genius as a kid, and then just things came to me, but no one really taught me how to use them. It's like I was given a samurai sword as a baby, and I didn't know how to use it. So I kept kind of using it and hurting myself and others until I realized the gift in the lack of training, let's say, that I needed, I needed emotional training and support. I didn't get that. I got a lot of other things. But the gift in not

Speaker 1 getting the gift that I needed was that I got to kind of unwrap that gift slowly and painfully. And I'm sharing it because I don't want you to only survive the hard stuff like I did. I want you to thrive. And I feel like I'm thriving. And that does not mean I'm happy all the time. In fact, I'd say most of the time I'm not. To me, being healthy and mentally wealthy isn't about being any certain thing all the time. It's about knowing how to surf the waves. And if you've ever been in the ocean, sometimes a big ass wave comes. I was once on the

Speaker 1 beach when one of those rogue, almost like a tsunami wave came, and it was the scariest shit ever. Came out of nowhere, and I survived it. We usually survive everything. We just, the stories in our mind that create the fear, I think are usually worse than the thing that actually happens or doesn't. You know what I mean? Okay, that's a little longer introduction. Uh, and now I'm gonna invite you to listen in a certain way because yes, this is the world's first ever super rad listening school, right? Cool. And by the way, if you are new, go back and check out the last season. There's so

Speaker 1 many tools that'll help you uh kind of join in at this point. But I am designing these episodes so that even if you tune in one time, you're gonna be able to get something out of it. If you listen masterfully, and again, what does that mean? Real quick, listen to my words, listen to my energy if you're watching the video. Pay attention to my face, my hands. I'm a big hand talker. Masterful listening, and if you've heard this a thousand times, I'm gonna keep saying it because let's keep ingraining it. You can never be the perfect masterful listener. You can always keep growing, growing, growing, expanding

Speaker 1 your capacity, right? Grow that continuum. Uh, don't be thinking about yourself or your job or your kid or your dog right now. Don't even be thinking about the times you've suffered. Right now, every time you notice yourself getting distracted during this episode, just come back. Bring yourself back, bring yourself back. This is mental wealth training. This is neuroscience. You are building new neural pathways in your brain. Think of it as you have highways, and there's just roads that you are more aware of, meaning you've driven down that highway for years. And now you're building a new road, you're discovering a new road. So it can be

Speaker 1 a little bumpy. Maybe you're off-roading a little bit, right? Um, it could be uh a really awesome detour. That's what rad stands for. So to live a rad life, you want to be able to build that new path sometimes and going on, you know, a new path, especially off the beaten path, can be tricky. What's gonna help you is if you masterfully listen. And whether you're bipolar, maybe, or you are, or you have this or you have that or anything. Remember also, uh, you're in good company. Uh, some people you might have heard of um in this world who are bipolar, at least according to the

Speaker 1 internet and the research I've done. Um, Amy Winehouse, Katherine Zeta Jones, Winston Churchill, Kurt Cobain, Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, Vincent Ben Gogh, Ernest Hemingway, Frank Sinatra, Mariah Carey. Now, a lot of these, if you know who they are, they're artists, they're creatives. There's an incredible book called Touched with Fire. I'm going to link. Uh, I can absolutely say in my experience, there's, I think, a big uh connection between being a very creative human and suffering more uh emotionally, because frankly, I think often creatives, and I think we're all creative, but in different ways, uh, are deeper empaths. And if you're an empath, it means you really

Speaker 1 feel others and the outside world more and look at the world. If you're feeling all the stuff, it could drive you a bit mad. Like it could be so confusing, right? And I say this because whether you are struggling or someone you know is struggling, I know that everyone listening falls into one of those two categories. I don't care exactly how, meaning it doesn't matter what your struggle is, whether you are interested in the um mental health space around bipolar or not, this, what I'm sharing, relates to literally any health issue that you have. Okay, any diagnosis you've ever received, any time in your life, basically,

Speaker 1 where you ended up in a place that you never thought you would be, and you needed to navigate a really challenging situation where you were struggling. For the people out there like me who've always felt very strong to suddenly feel so weak that you needed caretaking, that is scary stuff. Receiving help. I mean, asking for help is hard. Receiving it's like even harder, right? And so I also want to say one thing before I dive into a story and have you masterfully listen. And then I'm gonna give you, of course, a little uh call it a fun homework assignment to do before the next episode on

Speaker 1 your own time. Uh one of my biggest fears when I receive this diagnosis, and by the way, I've gotten other ones. I've gotten a diagnosis actually from a psychiatrist who worked with me for way longer than the other person. He said, I don't think you're bipolar. I think you just have severe ADHD. And because of your lack of focus and everything that's like happened, it's just overwhelming your whole system. That actually resonated a lot more with me because it felt much more true based on the research I had done about what bipolar really means. In my case, I got severely, severely depressed. Uh, and and all

Speaker 1 of the aspects of clinical depression resonated more with me than bipolar. I've actually never had a manic episode from what I understand mania to be. I think people see that I'm really loud and vibrant and a go-getter. That is not what mania actually is. So when I just looked at the DSM, like when I looked at the symptoms, I was like, well, I have some of them, but I don't have all of them, which is like pretty much also most people. So the danger of diagnoses, especially those that come really quick, is that you don't know whether this is just like the worst moment of someone's

Speaker 1 life or um a consistent way of being. So I want to say to the mental health professionals and doctors out there, I really hope you are taking the time to really get to know the person before you put a label on them because labels can be dangerous. They can also be helpful. I always say I'm not a doctor, I'm just sharing my experience. And I wanted to be a contributing member of society. I had big dreams and goals. And when I was told I was bipolar, it scared the shit out of me because my story in that state where my brain was already on fire was,

Speaker 1 oh my God, that's it. My life is over at 29. I started looking at stories of other people who were bipolar and were just like their whole life was hard and and just uh it's I just thought, I can't believe my story ends here. I'm not gonna do all the things I dreamed of doing. That scared me more than any diagnosis or having to take medicine, which was a whole other thing. I was like, I can't be who I thought I was, I can't do the things I wanted to do. That terrified me, right? So, first, also having discernment about just because someone says you're something,

Speaker 1 even a doctor. What you think doctors aren't wrong? Yeah, if you want to see a real crazy, uh wild, uh intense version of that, watch the show Dr. Death on Peacock. I'm just saying, a lot of people in my family are doctors. I love doctors, I respect doctors, but doctors make mistakes. Mental health is so tricky, specifically, because first we still don't even really understand how the brain works. And with mental health, if you've ever been to a psychiatrist and been prescribed anything, and I've been prescribed all kinds of shit, you never know what's gonna happen. A lot of antidepressants, antipsychotics actually make people feel worse.

Speaker 1 How scary is that? Like you're having some suicidal ideation and then you take a pill and it actually makes it worse. Of course, a lot of us are freaked out by doing that. And again, I was, and at first I refused to put any medicine in my body because I was freaked out. I also didn't grow up in a household that was like medical, you know, meaning like you don't take meds. My dad and I love him so much. I used to say, Dad, I have a headache. He'd punch me in the arm and say, Does your head still hurt? You know, kind of in a

Speaker 1 loving way. But the point is uh that was a whole other thing. And by the way, I've taken all kinds of meds. I've taken antidepressants, those never worked. I've taken some antipsychotics, those kind of helped, but they just like numbed me out so much that I wasn't freaking out, but I couldn't do anything. That was horrible. I've taken sleeping pills, and interestingly enough, uh, that really didn't help me. Me. I know people who it really helps. So the thing I want to say about meds really quick is meds can be great, but a pill will not fix the underlying issues of what causes most mental health

Speaker 1 issues. Right? A pill cannot go back to your childhood and fix your trauma. Therapy can, healing can. So let me tell you, when I had my team of people who were kind of working with me on what I call my VIP crew, I always say you need to have the right people supporting you. Because if you start listening to everyone who has an opinion who doesn't really understand, most people don't because also they're not you. It can get even more confusing. And the last thing that you, when you're suffering mentally, need is for your body to get more overwhelmed. Like our immune systems suffer, our nervous

Speaker 1 systems are so shot when we're in that state. I was peeing 20 times a day. I was waking up in the middle of the night when I could actually sleep and peeing a bunch. My adrenals were all messed up. So a lot of this is diet, exercise. But again, all the people who were like, just do yoga and meditate. I was like, fuck you. Because I couldn't do it. So I just want to say, if you gotta take some pills at some point, you know, the metaphor I say is if you're on a boat and it's capsizing and someone throws you a life jacket, you don't

Speaker 1 go, I don't like that color. It's uncomfortable. You fucking put on that life jacket so that you can save your life. And then once you get to shore, you can get yourself a life jacket that fits you better. That's the way I see medicine for me. I will take medicine, but not as a first step. I will take it as more of a last resort if the other things are really not working. And at some point, when really I tried so much, and nothing seemed like it was helping me. I took a pill. And what was interesting was I took it and I finally said, you

Speaker 1 know what, this is gonna help me. For the first time in probably three years, I said, this will help me. And almost a few days right after I started feeling better. And so I thought, that's interesting. I finally believed something would help. And I also biked 17 miles to the beach because I forced myself to do something. And I remember the feeling I had after that, which by the way, I'm not a biker. I was in San Francisco, but I did it because I thought this will force me to be present. Cause if I don't, I will literally get murdered on the road. Um, and just

Speaker 1 the endorphins that I got from that seven. Mile bike ride. I looked back and thought, so was it the meds or was it the bike? It was all of it, guys. You need an integrative approach. You know what my team consisted of, who was on my kind of, I'll say, mental wealth VAP crew throughout the last decade? 10 years. My first sort of dark episode started in winter of 2013. It's now 2024, a little over a decade. I've had so many people on this journey. I've had three different psychiatrists, two different therapists, a Jungian analyst, a Dharma teacher, three different yoga teachers and trainings, uh, Akashic

Speaker 1 record readers, psychics, mediums, um, astrologers. I've tried a bazillion vitamins. I've tried different meds. I've tried different diets. I was a vegetarian when my depression started. And actually, an acupuncturist and Reiki healer said, Svet, you gotta eat meat. And I was like, what? That was like so against what all the healthy, holistic people in California were saying. She's like, no, for your blood type, you need to eat meat. And I started eating meat. I felt better, I had more energy. So again, your body is unique, your brain is unique. Let's honor the brilliance and the multi-dimensionality of us, of you, of me. No one knows what

Speaker 1 it's like to be you. And it's really hard to feel like you can make any smart decisions when you're like in a shit spiral, meaning when you're like drowning in depression and anxiety, but you still gotta remember, let this be your reminder that even if you feel and your mind is saying you have no idea and it's all a disaster, if you can calm down and even breathe, just breathing.

Speaker 1 That was my best medicine of everything. Breathing, listening, cold water. I just got in uh my cold plunge. I dreamed of having my own cold plunge, and I do. This was the second day I finally got it. It took me, gosh, I started swimming as part of my therapy for maybe eight years ago, and I swam every day. That saved my life. Wow, I'd go on these long, like hundred-plus day challenges where I swam and swam and swam. I swam in a pool and then I swam in the bay and I plunged, and now I'm doing it here. And I'm so proud that I made that

Speaker 1 dream come true because it wasn't like a cool thing. It was like a life-saving thing that's actually just so good for you. So there's so many holistic things you can do. I always say blend the best of the West and the best of the East. I carried a little Tao digging, like my the book of wisdom that guides me. I have a million mantras and quotes all around me. I've tattooed them all over my body. Literally, I realized all that happened for me in depression was I was so tortured by the past and so tortured by the future that I couldn't be present. And what kept

Speaker 1 me present was wisdom and reminders of things that I knew, but we forget.

Speaker 2 We forget.

Speaker 1 Jason Mraz says, Why do we forget? Why do we forget? Because it feels good to remember. So maybe this is you remembering in this moment that you do know, you do have wisdom. We just forget. So, what do you need to do to remember the truth of who you are, who you want to be, what you're capable of. This is why I love coaching. Coaching is the most powerful modality that I have discovered to help us remember our own strength. And I say all that, and I'm gonna tell you three little anecdotes as part of this tale, and this is all part of my story. Uh

Speaker 1 before I fell into my um my first dark night of the soul, I was a happiness and inspiration researcher. So I was like traveling around the world and talking to people about inspiration and writing a lot and publishing articles. And so I was very comfortable being like in front of a room of people and sharing inspiration. Uh and one of the things that I tried to do as another, again, medicine uh to figure out what was happening to me. I literally felt like I was dying. I didn't understand was go to a support group. People said, Why don't you try to go to a depression bipolar

Speaker 1 support group? Which terrified the hell out of me. I don't know why. I think it's because again, I'm I'm I'm the helper, I'm the healer. It was weird to me to be like, I'm gonna go to a support group, but how's that gonna be supportive? But one day I decided, fuck it. I looked it up. There happened to be one literally around the block at a hospital. But I was too scared to go alone. So my friend, big shout out to Justin. I love you. Um, Smoothie, you uh Justin actually made the music for last season. So thank you so much. I still remember that. You

Speaker 1 walked with me, you held my hand, and you sat with me through a what 90-minute depression support group in the basement of a hospital. I was terrified. I was shaking. I didn't say a word. And I'm usually a participator in groups, and then at the very end, I just had this feeling like just share, just get it out. And I spoke. I don't know what I said, guys. I don't remember this. Almost feels like a dream. Like, I have these moments sometimes when I think, did all of that happen? Like, did I really live through that? And it's like, yeah, I don't know what I said,

Speaker 1 but when I finished speaking, the whole room had this energy I don't know, I can't even describe it. It was like

Speaker 1 I don't know, I don't have the words for it, but it was it was like heavy but also light. Uh I I basically closed the meeting and I literally had almost everybody wait to come and say something to me, and I was like, what are they gonna say? And people kept coming up and saying, that was so inspiring. You are so inspiring. So here I am, right? And I didn't laugh a lot during this time, I was really drenched in fear, but I remember walking out with Justin, looking at him and going, How what? Like I that was inspiring, and it was weirdly. I realized I

Speaker 1 got told in the basement of a hospital in a depression bipolar support group that I was inspiring when I was at my absolute worst. And people actually kept reflecting to me, wow, you're so eloquent in how you're speaking. You're so clear. I didn't feel eloquent, I didn't feel clear, but I wasn't seeing myself accurately. That's what I also want to remind you. When you suffer and struggle in that state, your perception of yourself is not accurate. That I think is super important to understand. So you can't believe all those thoughts. Not to go super dark, but I'm gonna, because where else are we gonna talk about

Speaker 1 this? If I had believed my thoughts, I would have killed myself. I really would have because my thoughts were saying that I can't handle this anymore. It's too hard. I'm ruining the life of everyone I love because everyone is upset and I'm a failure and now I'm sick. Like, thank God I had someone, my love, Jonathan, my cosmic husband ascension partner, he said that please do not make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling. I remember where I was sitting when I heard that and it landed so much. So many angels showed up along the way. Once I was on a bus in San Francisco,

Speaker 1 which is traumatic enough, even if you're not depressed and anxious. Um, and I was sitting there, and again, I was very disheveled at the time. I wasn't dressing myself, I wasn't like wearing makeup, I wasn't taking care of myself well, which again makes a lot of sense in that state. And I sometimes would just, I guess, be crying. I don't even know. I wasn't, it was, it was not my normal quote, way of being. And I was sitting on this bus and this man looked over at me. We locked eyes, and and he was an older man. He honestly kind of looked like he could have

Speaker 1 been homeless. He was sort of also a little bit disheveled, but he had these beautifully kind eyes, and he looked at me and we locked eyes, and he said, as if he peered into my soul. He goes, He hasn't forgotten about you. It literally felt like God was saying to me, I didn't forget about you. I'm here through this man. And it like I felt it, I feel it now. It made me feel like seen and it gave me a little hope to stay one more day. I'd say the best healers I had were those random strangers that kept showing up. And I'm gonna end this

Speaker 1 story with one other stranger who showed up. I was walking down the street again in San Francisco because I was at least trying to get out of the house, even though it was very hard for me to walk around outside because I was very anxious. And so, like noise and people, everything felt very overwhelming. But I got myself out of the house and I was having a really hard day. It literally felt like I was sort of like not running, but like anxiously walking around and I was crying. So like my makeup was running down my face. I was sort of also shaking a little bit

Speaker 1 because when you're anxious, you can shake. It's actually your body's like release of that energy. Like you tap your foot, you know, it's it's again actually healthy. Uh, but it could look kind of odd and scary. Like I've seen people in San Francisco on the street who looked um like they were shaking and not in a good mental health place, and that um those have not typically been people I've like come and interacted with because frankly, if you're you know on drugs or you're really suffering, which a lot of homeless people in San Francisco, um, that's the situation, especially in the tender line. It's very sad.

Speaker 1 Um, and by the way, those people are not, I think, any less capable or sicker than those that don't look like that in the street. I think they just don't have a home and they don't have the support that they need. Uh, so I want to make that very clear. Like, I am no different than those people. And you know how I learned that? I'm walking that day and I'm shaking and my makeup smeared. And I looked probably like I was a homeless person on the street at that moment. And by the way, three months prior, I was a um happiness researcher at Google X. Okay.

Speaker 1 So if it happened to me, it could happen to anyone. I'm not saying that to scare you. I'm saying it shocked the hell out of me too. We are not immune. We're like always on the verge, I think, of this line of sane, insane, sick, healthy. It's okay, just know that and then be grateful for the days where you wake up and you actually get out of bed. That is the biggest success. So I'm walking down the street and I felt like I just needed a hug. I needed to feel humanity, I needed to feel held and loved, and I had no one. And I literally

Speaker 1 saw a stranger walking down the street, and I walked up to this woman and I said, Can I have a hug? She didn't know me. She didn't know if I was on drugs or if I was this or that. And she hugged me. She saved my life that day. What a kind stranger. I don't know who it was. I don't know. I just she gave me a hug and then I kept walking. Uh a few years later, a lot had happened. I'd gotten through that experience. By the way, every time I survived, I thrived. Because I remembered another thing that someone said to me. Another angel.

Speaker 1 It's never too late to start your day. I think it's a AA quote or idea principle, and I love it because it is never too late to start your day. It's also never too late to start your life. Okay. Uh even if it's 5 p.m. and you're still in bed, you still got some time in the day. That is an amazing quote. Write that one down if you've never heard of it. It's never too late to start your day. So I'm walking down the street. It's a few years later. I'm back in my like typical sweat mode. I'm like really dressed up and I'm strutting down

Speaker 1 the street and I'm listening to music and I'm probably making an inspirational video. And I see this woman coming towards me, and she is clearly in a rough place. She's sort of um shaking a bit, and um, she looks distressed. I've also become a lot more compassionate to people who are suffering. I gotta say, I saw something very clear in me that I didn't like at first, but it was I was judgmental. I didn't know. I really thought before I turned 28 and a half and suddenly had this massive depressive episode. I thought that when people said that they really couldn't get out of bed, that

Speaker 1 they probably weren't trying hard enough. I didn't understand. And I admit that to say, you don't know what you don't know. You don't know what people are going through. So have some more compassion. Because it could be you. Because guess what? That woman came up to me and said, Can I have a hug? And I hugged her. I hugged her because I was her. I hugged her because I was her. I am her. I am her. I am you, you are me. We are all in this together. And when I was so in the dark, I felt so alone. That's why those moments of connection and

Speaker 1 compassion saved my life because I thought, okay, I feel alone, but I'm not alone. How do I get more community? How do I get more love? I decided after that first nine-month depression where I literally died and rebirthed myself. Nine months, guys. Okay. Um, I decided that I felt a lack of community and that if I was gonna survive, I was gonna build community and I was gonna finally do what I love and forget what everyone's been saying my whole life. I've always sort of been like a person that's gone after what I wanted, but I had the guilt of, but you gotta do this and

Speaker 1 you gotta do this. And I was like, fuck it. I am now doing what I love. And you know what happened after that? I finally dove headfirst and I quit all the corporate stuff that I hadn't felt like was a fit. I got certified as a coach, I started my company. It has been hard. If I knew back then what I would have to go through to get here, sitting in this seat, recording this podcast, seeing the view of Sausalito and my cold plunge on a balcony the size of my apartment that I lived in in San Francisco for 10 years. If someone would have told

Speaker 1 me what I would have to go through, the shit I would be having to swim through, I would have said, hell no. Looking back, I would do it again. Every time I swam through shit, I found diamonds, I met healers, I experienced a kind of love and humanity that now keeps me going in times where I still get super down and sad and depressed. Because the truth is now I'm just really great at feeling like shit. I, you know, when you're kind of okay with not being okay, everything's kind of okay. When you lose your shit, you find yourself, but you gotta be looking for that.

Speaker 1 Because if you keep looking for horrible things, you'll find them. When you're depressed and you go out thinking everything sucks and everyone sucks, you're gonna see a bunch of shitty people when you're going out thinking people are good, and you smile at others, you see everyone smiling at you. Notice that too as we wrap up. Here's what I want you to take away. First of all, I want you to really remember and listen to this. You are the director, writer, producer.

Speaker 1 You're all the things of your movie. If you're gonna tell a story, you might as well make it a great story. And a great story does not mean it's great and fun and easy. How many movies have you seen that are super inspiring or plays where everything's just like amazing all the time, boring, also not possible? Make your story however you love a great story with the right amount of challenge, with the characters that you want. Be discerning about who is a guest star in your play. And remember, how you end a chapter might even be more important than how you begin it. Pay attention to

Speaker 1 any labels you get and whether they inspire you and help or whether they deplete you. And remember, just because someone labels you something doesn't mean it's true. Because you know, uh, I'm bipolar. Maybe.

Speaker 1 Uh another homework assignment is say thank you to the people in your life in the next few days who are your angels and your helpers if you haven't. Uh, thank you for me to Jason Mraz, Stick Figure, Pink, Gaga, Selena Gomez. You are the artist who've really helped me with your music and also with your vulnerability and your sharing and your inspiration and your lessons. And homework number two, get vulnerable. Get vulnerable with yourself. Tell yourself, admit something to yourself that maybe you haven't been able to admit. Sometimes just being able to be like, oh man, I am in a really shitty place instead of eating

Speaker 1 it away, smoking it away, drinking it away, pretending it's not there, that is hard. So see what you can do to just, you know, extra credit. Look at yourself in the mirror and just say, hey, here's where I'm at. And then share with someone. Share with someone in your life. Ask them if you can share what's been happening, if you haven't. If you haven't been able to. And if you're doing great, I'm so glad. You know, we all have times where we're doing great. We all have times where we're not. If you're in a place where you have the energy and you see someone's suffering in

Speaker 1 your life, try to masterfully listen to them. Ask them how they're doing and then shut the fuck up. I say that with love. Don't try to fix it. Just let the people you love be in pain, actually. It's counterintuitive, but I gotta say, and I've now, I probably have at least once every few weeks someone reaching out to me in a very, very, very severe mental health crisis. I had someone reach out a few months ago that thank goodness I had for some reason cleared my whole schedule earlier that day. I had this intuition, so I happened to be available. And they said, I'm really done.

Speaker 1 I really don't want to be here anymore. I'm gonna kill myself. And my reaction was, I'm really glad you called. Um, can we just go on a walk? Let's go to the beach and just talk about how fucking everything sucks in life. Because I had a sense that this person probably didn't really want to kill themselves. They just couldn't live in pain and they felt alone. I've been there. And I spent the afternoon with them and I listened. I listened and I listened from a place of genuine love. And I got it. And I didn't try to fix it. I acknowledged, I hear you. What you're

Speaker 1 feeling is normal. But I did remind them not to make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling. So thank you also to my ascension partner, Jonathan, for masterfully listening to me in that moment enough to say the thing that I could hear. Everything goes together, guys. Okay. So please focus on not just how you listen, but what you say to people and when you say things. Because the person who told me in a very dark place, uh, well, or asked me, well, what if this is happening for you and not to you? Because I was like, why is this happening to me? He said, Well,

Speaker 1 what if it's happening for you? I kind of hated him. And yet he was right. It was happening for me. I feel like this suffering I've endured happened for me because honestly, now I faced the most horrible things that have that could have ever happened. It was worse than anything I imagined. I mean, I've been in a psych ward as a patient and as a coach. And now that I've been there, I live with very little fear because I see that even when the worst things happen, I lost my ability to speak, write, read, dress myself, eat. Like I couldn't do, I turned into, I mean,

Speaker 1 a human being who couldn't function. I scared the shit out of everyone. Uh, mostly me. And guess what? Here I am. I speak better, I listen better, I'm more compassionate. I'm deeply humbled because I know that anything can be taken away, but it can come back. It can come back stronger. We can survive. We can thrive. I'm an example of that. I bet you're an example of that too, which is why I also invite you to share your stories, share your struggles, share the hard stuff, and share the good stuff. Because it was people who did that who helped me keep going a little bit more

Speaker 1 because I thought, well, maybe if they could do it, maybe I can do it. And I did. So can you?

Speaker 1 Alright! I think that's it. Thank you for listening. Notice how that was. Please do your homework. It's important to do your homework and do it in your own way. Whatever resonates, cool. Whatever doesn't resonate, throw it out. And I will see you next time. I'm really excited for this season. Got some really fun stuff coming up. Bye.