Frosty Awakening: Unlocking Healing and Inspiration, One Cold Plunge at a Time

Hey, you ready to get icy today? Let's do it.

Ah all right, we're gonna get cold. Getting cold is one of my favorite things to do. Uh

yeah, sounds funny, right? I mean, is it really comfortable to be too cold or too hot? No. And yet I've never really grown or healed from discomfort. And I always say, choose your pain because you're gonna have pain regardless. You can have pain because you're sick, as a lot of us are, or you can have pain because you're healing and you're doing things for yourself and for your healing that are actually, interestingly enough, going to cause the pain to go down. And uh that to me seems like a much better use of my time. You know what I'm saying? It's like when we're constantly afraid of

the discomfort, we never get the comfort, we never get the healing, the enjoyment, the benefits, and I gotta say, of everything I have ever done that has been part of my healing journey, getting into cold water in a variety of ways has been, I would say, the number one medicine that has helped me grow and heal and also build a ton of confidence. All right. Confidence is great in life. When we learn to do hard things, we can do more things. What in life is super meaningful? Think of yourself, think of your life and think of the best stuff that's happened. The stuff, the things, the

moments, the opportunities that led you to be like, damn, I can do that, I did that, I'm growing. Have they been easy? No, not for me. So, again, most people don't get into freezing cold water. You know why? Because those first 30 seconds suck. You feel like you're being stabbed with like knives all over your body, and yet after that, uh a sort of calm comes over you that is so profound. In those first 30 seconds to the to a minute, let's say, the key is to get your breathing under control. And I always say here at Masterful Listening, the world's first super rad listening school

that you actually want to go to. I started this podcast, I created this school because I looked back at my life and thought, man, when I was a kid, if I was taught how to listen and how to breathe, I would have been so much more set up for my life. And so I'm sharing this because I want you to be healthy, I want you to be vibrant, I want you to feel good. Damn, there is a very loud plane flying above. Huh. I don't know if you could hear that. Yeah, let's fly into the next chapter of your life where you feel good, you feel

strong. And by the way, before we dive into me inviting you to listen in a certain way, since that's what we do, let me just uh list some benefits of cold water therapy. And there's a few different types of cold water therapy, which I'll talk about as well. But first of all, you know that water makes up about 60% of our body. So we are literally mostly water. So just think of that. Getting into water is like you are giving yourself the chance to literally go home. Like I'm a cancer for those of you who are into the astrology. I'm actually a cancer with four planets

in cancer. So I am literally all water. So for me, when I'm in water, whether it's a shower, a bath, a beach, a pool, I literally feel like I'm back in the womb, like I'm back home. And that in itself is very healing. So I would even say if you're not trying to get in the cold water, which I bet you're not trying to do, or maybe for those of you who are cold plunging already, cool. Maybe this will inspire you to do it even more, or maybe do it in a different way. Um, but warm water too. Like my best friend loves going to the

sauna, the spa, hot water. I actually have a harder time getting into hot water than cold water. And so I'm also expanding my capacity to do that. But the reality is there are so many benefits of getting into cold water. And let me just list a few of them. First of all, it boosts your immunity. Okay. Our immune systems need to be stronger. When our immune systems are stronger, we fend off diseases faster. We don't get sick as much. Okay, that sounds great. Your recovery time goes down, meaning if you're having, you know, workouts, like I've been doing this electric muscle stimulation. And actually, I got

my trainer to come over yesterday and she's coming today to get in the cold plunge because I, when I'm super sore and I do some cold plunging, I always heal faster. My body feels less sore. That's always nice. So injury recovery really helps with that. Also, it boosts your metabolism. You want to burn some fat. This is one of the best ways to do that. It also increases your circulation, which is going to benefit pretty much everything. It'll help you with your sleep, it'll lower your anxiety and depression. That's what sent me into this journey of water, water, water, water, water for years. I've been doing

this for almost a decade. My stress has gone down, inflammation in the body goes down. So again, those are just some proven scientific benefits of doing this. The other thing is, on an emotional and mental level, you see that you can do hard things. One of my favorite quotes about the power of doing hard things is if you're never able to tolerate a little bit of pain and discomfort, you'll never get better. That is a quote by Angela Duckworth. Check her out. She has some really, really interesting research and work. Um, I'll post a little link so you can learn a little bit about her. Maybe

she'll come on the podcast at some point. Uh, and you know, no traffic jams on the extra mile. I don't even know who said that. Uh, I definitely didn't invent that, but I love that. It's like when you're going above and beyond, there is no traffic jam. You know? Meaning, like, there's nothing in your way of doing that except for you. You just gotta choose the right pain. Pain of sickness, pain of healing. I choose pain of healing. So here's what we're gonna do: we're gonna dive in, and today's gonna be special because first I'm going to read a story that I wrote. I wrote this

story back in 2016, March 16th of 2016, and it's called Saturn Return: A Tale of Transformation at the Community Pool. I'm gonna read that to you, or maybe I'm gonna read parts of it to you. And I'm gonna do this for a few reasons. First, because it's a really powerful story that actually shares the journey that I had in the community pool, swimming in the pool. Uh, my swimming journey, my water journey started. Uh, it says 2016, but it was about what happened two years ago. Yeah, it was 10 years ago. So I'd always dreamed actually of having a bathtub because I've always liked taking baths,

but I lived in a studio apartment with a shower that was like so tiny, never had a bathtub. So I really wanted that. And then it was like, all right, well, I don't have a bathtub, so what am I gonna do? Maybe I'll find a pool. And then I discovered San Francisco had seven incredible community pools that were super affordable, beautiful. And I started going to the pool and I swam every single day for over 150 days. I did that the first time, and then I kind of took a break, and then a few years later, I got back into it. I'm a big fan of

finding habits and rituals and routines that are so good for you. And honestly, once you start, you just it's so much easier to keep going. For me, usually on day three of doing something consistently, I'm like, I got it, I can do it. So I'm on day five of cold plunging, actually, right here at my own home in Saul Salito. I got an awesome icebox cold plunge that is now on my balcony, and it was always a dream to be able to have my own cold plunge, and I accomplished it, and I started plunging, and I'm on day five, and like today, oh, I woke up

with like horrible stomach cramps, and I did not want to get more uncomfortable. It's 50 degrees outside. The cold plunge is 47 degrees, which actually the best temperature, I believe, is like 50-ish degrees, so it's a bit colder even. And I did it. I stayed in for 13 minutes and I got out and I feel better. I got a bit of energy. My cramps, I don't even feel them anymore. And I did the thing I said I was gonna do. Honestly, that's probably one of the most incredible things I've gotten out of this um cold plunging journey is I now see that I can do the

hard thing. And so with that, I'm gonna get into a bit of a story. And uh, I wonder if I want to read it first or if I want to talk first. We'll see. I think I'm gonna talk a bit and then I'm gonna read at the end. Here's how I want you to listen, because remember, we're masterful listeners here. We're learning how to listen better both to ourselves and to others. So as you listen to me today, I want you to first, let's just take a few deep breaths together to just get really present.

And breathe whatever way feels good to you.

Okay, and now I want you to find that part of you, that part of you that doesn't like pain and discomfort. Like tune into that part. Think of the last time that you maybe wanted to do something, but you didn't want to get uncomfortable. Maybe you've wanted to go in the cold water. I live here in the Bay Area. The Bay is very, very cold. And for years I got in the bay. I didn't have a cold plunge, and I was going to this cold plunge center and was kind of expensive. And I thought, all right, well, the ocean is free. So that's the other thing.

Uh, as long as you have a shower, you can do this. You don't need an ocean, you don't need a tub, you need a shower. You can start with getting in the shower and turning it cold for 30 seconds. That is how I started. And here I am sitting in my cold plunge for 13 minutes a day, sometimes twice a day. So it's also remember slow and steady wins the race. And there's no race here. It's just your life, your life is a marathon. And if you want to keep going, I feel so much better to be healthy. Right. Yeah. All right. So first tune into

that part of you that's like, oh, I don't like to do uncomfortable things. And try to listen with that part because maybe we can convince that part that actually you do want to do the hard things. It's just you got to get past that little 30 seconds of discomfort. I'll tell you a story of how this really hit me uh one day many years ago. And then what's masterful listening? Again, remember, you're listening to my words, you're listening to my tone, my energy. You're listening to what I don't say, my pauses. Also, listen to yourself. Notice how often your mind gets distracted. You start thinking about

something. Come back. Come back. We're just gonna keep coming back. It's like a meditation practice as well. You probably will get distracted or excited or inspired or whatever. It's all good. Whatever you feel, notice it, come back. That's how I want you to listen today. And then I'm gonna give you some homework at the end. Okay, so let's see. So, first of all, the first time that I remember really getting uh kind of an idea of get of getting icy, of getting cold, is I think I was about 2021 or so. I after I graduated from college, I received a job offer. It was 2007, and

the economy was kind of like getting worse and worse. And so I graduated business school and I was actually one of the people who had a job offer. And what did I do? I did not take it, and I decided to fly off to Europe. I wanted to do a long trip. I was sort of getting over a heartbreak, and I remember I was on this journey of wanting to understand what it was to live an inspiring and happy life. So when my dean asked me what I was doing after graduation, I said, I'm gonna inspire people. It's so funny. I remember that. Um, and mostly

I also wanted to inspire myself. So I booked this trip through Europe where I booked what's called a Contiki tour. I think this company is still around. It's an Australian company, super cool. They do trips all over the world for I think 18 to 35 year olds, which I guess I'm a little too old to take one of their trips now. But I don't think they're like super um, I don't know how uh strict they are in that policy. Point is people coming together to do an adventure. So I signed up for a trip where we were gonna be camping in Scandinavia for a month. Denmark,

Sweden, Norway, Finland. And it was epic. I gotta say, I'll probably do another episode about that whole trip and what I got from that. So many lessons, so many stories. I went to the North Pole uh when I was in Norway, and when I was also in Norway, we went to the northernmost part of Norway. I think it's actually the northernmost part of Europe. It's called Hammerfest, and it was freezing. This was in the summer, and it was still really cold, and the water there was freaking icy. And one of the things that they invited us to do was get in the water and do a

cold plunge. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I can't believe I didn't do it, but I can believe it because at that point I was like, I don't want to be freezing and uncomfortable. I wanted to have fun. But I'd also not suffered as much as I'd suffered when I did choose to get in the bay. So I share that because I know what it's like to have an incredible opportunity to do something hard and not do it because it's uncomfortable. So I just want you to also think about that for your own self. How often, right now, think about this permission to not

listen to me for the next, I don't know, 20 seconds after I ask you to think about something. When was the last time you really wanted to do something, but it made you uncomfortable? Doesn't have to do with water. Um, maybe it was you had to go and present something on stage and you were terrified. Whatever that is, just tune in right now. When was the last time you said no out of discomfort? Okay. Yeah. All right, now come back. So here's the first time I remember having this epic awakening around this mantra I have of you're never ready until you do it. You're never ready

until you do it. Uh, this was probably, yeah, it was probably about 10 years ago. And I was going through my kind of first dark night of my soul. I was having a really, really, really hard time. I was very depressed. I couldn't do much, but what I kind of forced myself to do was get out of the house and take a walk. And I lived in San Francisco in a park called Lower Knob Hill, where if you walked all the way basically down my street that I lived on, you would get to the bay. And it was this part of the bay, gosh, I forget

what it's called, but it's the place where all the swimmers actually come and swim. And they're all in wetsuits. And it was really cool because I would walk there. I would walk down this massive staircase, and then you get to this place that's like this little beach, and there's like um, God, what are they called? Like bleachers, like cement bleachers. And I would sit there and I'd watch these swimmers swimming. And I was like, how are they doing that? I mean, first of all, it was cold outside. It was windy a lot of the days. For those of you who've lived in San Francisco or do

or have visited, SF gets freaking cold, especially in the summer, foggy. So, like getting in cold water is hard anyway, but doing it when it's cold and windy is probably the hardest time. So I would just sit there in my depression watching these people swimming, thinking, damn, I could never do that. How are they doing that? And I was at this stage of my life where everything felt like it was falling apart. I didn't think I could do anything. And uh I don't know what came over me one day, but as I was just sitting there staring at them and kind of staring off into space

and uh trying to figure out like what am I gonna do? How am I gonna get through this time? I just thought, what if I could do it? Just like that question, what if is so powerful? And I thought, fuck it. I'm just gonna do it. I'm just gonna try to do it. And I literally took off my clothes, uh, I kept my underwear and my sports bra on. I happened to be under wearing underwear that day. Um and I just put my feet in the water. I walked over to that little beach and it was fucking icy. And I just, I don't know, I kept

saying, just go in, go in. I've had this little trick since I was, I remember doing this as a teenager where when I wanted to do something, but I was afraid to do it, I would start this countdown in my head where I would go, okay, you have to do it. It was like more of a forceful inspiration, but then I would count to 10. And as soon as I got to 10, I would just fucking do it. Like I would jump. Uh and and I use this all the time for different things, whether it was speaking to someone I was nervous about, or whether it

was, you know, getting into hot water or whatever it was when I had to force myself, I would do this thing. So I said to myself, I think in that moment, just to see if I could trick myself into doing something really hard. Because guess what? The fucking depression I was in was really hard. Getting out of bed was really hard. Getting dressed was really hard. Everything was really hard. So I thought maybe, just maybe I could do this. And I I got in, I got in, and it always gets really hard, like around like the back for me, getting into cold water. And I just

had this moment where I just said, kind of like, fuck it, you know, one, two, and I think he was on three, and I just dunked myself and I started breathing, you know.

And then my breath calmed down, and I was finding myself in this water, and right as I looked ahead, the Golden Gate Bridge was right there, and I'm staring at the bridge and I'm In this water, and tears started rolling down my cheeks because in that moment it hit me. You're never ready till you do it. I could have stood there and sat there for another freaking year thinking, Well, I'll do it when I'm ready. You're never ready till you do it. You gotta do it. You gotta just get in. And people get into water differently. I had a friend who I used to do this

with, he would walk in really slow. I thought that was harder. For me, I said I walk in to like maybe my upper thighs, pelvic area, and then I kind of breathe, and then I go up until like the top of my neck and I breathe. And I gotta tell you, 30 seconds in, maybe a minute, I wasn't cold anymore. I was just floating in the bay, looking at the Golden Gate Bridge, realizing I did that. And I'm not even in a wetsuit. I didn't even have a towel. I just got out, kind of air-dried myself and put my clothes on and walked back home. And

that's where it started. This idea of water, water therapy, cut to next round of depression. Someone said, Why don't you get in water again? And I was like, I don't know if it's the cold thing or what. I was like, I wish I had a tub, but I didn't have a tub. Someone said, Why don't you go to the pool? I was like, I don't know where there's a pool. I don't have a pool. And I think someone even looked it up for me and sent me a link to like the seven community pools of San Francisco. And so I forced myself, same way. I didn't

want to go. It was very uncomfortable. I also didn't want to be in a bathing suit. At that point, I had such a lack of self-confidence that I didn't want to like just, yeah, I didn't want to show my body in public, but I I got to that pool. And here's what happened. I'm gonna read this story to you: A Tale of Transformation at the Community Pool. And I'm actually gonna practice reading right now. I always thought it'd be fun to uh actually, you know, write one of my books and then read it, like in an audio format. And so this will be the first time

that I'm trying that. So here we go. Two years ago, sheer terror woke me up in the middle of a cold January night. I wasn't having a nightmare. I was living one, like dominoes crashing with the force of tidal waves one after the other. Everything in my universe began to shift. I had what seemed like the dream job, the dream man, the dream body, and I was feeling more spiritually connected and emotionally stable than ever. This was so until everything started to slowly and then extremely quickly fall apart. Some call this phenomenon the Saturn return, others a dark night of the soul. Western doctors might diagnose

what happened to me as a severe clinical depression. Whatever this was, felt like I was quickly falling down a deep, dark, never-ending well. On a particularly haunting night in January, I remember knowing deep within my soul that something was breaking me apart from the inside. And I believed I might not survive it. I knew deep down that I was entering into the greatest transformation of my life, but as strong and happy as I was as a person, you know, I thought I'd tackle this as I had everything else in my life quickly, forcefully, and with passion. I had no idea what was about to happen. I

had no idea I could ever feel so helpless. At first, I prayed for the pain to stop. I prayed for my mind to stop spinning, for the fear to subside. I prayed to a God I wasn't sure I believed in. I looked around the same universe I once thought was supporting me and asked, Why would you do this to me? I remember a friend saying to me, What if this is happening for you and not to you? And I remember feeling intense anger towards him in that moment. How could this be happening for me? I wondered. How could this be part of my plan? How could

this be my greatest transformation? There was no way this was it. Entering into this transformative time of my life, what I refer to as my Saturn return, felt like I was swimming in a calm and gentle ocean, and suddenly and without much warning, the blue sky turned gray and then black. And as I turned around, the biggest wave I had ever seen was coming towards me and bam, suffocation. I was drowning, fighting for my breath, and feeling like it was all over. Somehow, I survived the wave though, and there I was, feeling like I was floating in the dark, cold, and stormy ocean, terrified and alone.

I wasn't a good swimmer. I wanted to rest, and mostly I didn't want to be alone. Confusion set in, questioning, everything set in, fighting my reality set in. I kept asking myself how I ended up flailing around in a stormy sea when all I did was go to the beach on a sunny afternoon. I didn't want to swim alone. I didn't want to swim in a storm, and all I wanted was for someone to come and rescue me. But there was no one in sight. And it dawned on me that I might just have to save myself. This was a particularly scary thought at the time

because where in the hell was I going to get the strength to do that? I'd never been a strong swimmer, and I was afraid of the deep dark sea. What made my particular breakdown even worse was that at the time that it happened, I was working for my dream company and becoming known as the inspirational writer. I always dreamed I would be. People turned to me for guidance. People thought I had it all together. I thought so too. The shame and judgment around not turning out to be the person I thought I was. It was pulling me apart from the inside with the determination of a

thousand samurai warriors. It took me a very long time to realize that compassion, kindness, and asking for help would save my life. And it took me even longer to understand and appreciate that this was what my Saturn return was eagerly trying to teach me. I even remember the moment that I saw myself floating in the same ocean that used to appear wild, dark, and scary, except now it felt warm, calm, and I was literally surrounded by dozens of loved ones. I knew in that moment that while I hadn't seen them before, they'd been there all along. It took me even longer to appreciate this time of

my life as the greatest lesson I'd ever learned, as well as the most powerful gift I'd ever been given. But before we get there. After that particularly scary night in January, when I woke up drenched in an anxious cold sweat, I reached out to both the Eastern and Western world for help. Ferociously drowning, I needed to find some way to make sense of what was happening to me. A researcher and writer, I wanted as many perspectives as possible. And so it began. Robert Frost said, the best way out is always through. And looking back now, I would not take back anything that happened to me throughout

the last two years because what they did was bring me to the greatest joy, peace, and love of my life. They also brought me to the community pool. Again, I'm jumping ahead, but I tend to do that. As I was falling into the well of darkness, and before I felt so incapacitated that I could barely speak or get out of bed, I started to reach out to anyone and everyone I could. Looking back now, I feel like what ultimately saved me was the fact that I had no choice but to ask for help and kept asking for help, no matter how bad things got, and things

got bad. As someone who was always more comfortable providing support rather than asking for it, this was the lesson of my Saturn return: how to ask for help and receive help. I found an astrologer, a psychic, a psychiatrist, a therapist, a physician, an Akashic record healer, a Dharma teacher, a yoga teacher, and the list really does go on. Here's the truth. They all saved me. And here's the deeper truth. I ultimately saved me. Everyone I met along the way helped. One day a homeless man on a bus saw my eyes, looked deeply into them, and said, He hasn't forgotten about you. He hasn't forgotten about you.

Somehow in that moment, as tears streamed down my face, I felt like maybe, just maybe everything might be okay. It felt like the God I wasn't sure I believed in had sent me a little reminder through this man. This kind human probably has no idea how his few words saved my life in that moment. I continue to honor those who I met for a moment, as well as those who I met who continue to be pivotal people in my life. Without the community I ended up building, I believe I would have died. I can't imagine being who I am today without the people who entered my

life and without my personal relationships, which were transforming right along with me. I know that the reason I finally became the artist, writer, and coach I always dreamed of is because I made it through the Saturn return with the help of those who were meant to help me find my most authentic self. Through the Saturn return, the universe gives us a chance to actually step up and be the people we're meant to be. It helps cleanse us of what and who we no longer need, even if we don't know it yet. And it helps us invite in those things and people who will ultimately support us.

Saturn is the planet of transformation, and about 28.5 years, every 28 and a half years, it returns to the same exact spot it was in the day you were born. So if you're somewhere around the age of 27 to 33, you're going through your first big transformation. And if you've ever felt like you're meant to do something great, but aren't quite clear as to what exactly this is or how to get there, welcome to your Saturn return. There are often times in life when these questions are present, but during this time, the planets are literally aligning in order to help you figure it out. Figure out

you. Now, if you're not 28 yet and already asking these kinds of questions, awesome. I was too. Keep asking as gently as possible and trust that the answers are coming. And if you're in your late 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond and still asking these questions, great. It's never too late to get closer to your authentic essence. Think of when you were in your late 20s, early 30s. Was there anything that showed up that you didn't fully explore? Did you make choices out of love or out of fear? Did you do what you were, quote, supposed to do or what your heart was calling you to do?

Were you trying to please your family, friends, colleagues, lovers, or yourself? There is no wrong answer and no wrong timing. Invite yourself to simply observe and try on the belief that anything that you're truly meant to do and the person you're truly meant to be simply hasn't manifested yet because you weren't ready. When might you be ready? How about now? When is now? When is now? And the journey of radical transformation is not for the faint of heart. This is the hero's journey. Moving into a Saturn return is also an invitation to remove that boulder you've been carrying in your backpack that's actually weighing you down.

What boulder? All those feelings, thoughts, stories, and people who are weighing you down more than uplifting you. You cannot get to where you're actually headed with this kind of baggage. And we all have it. So take a deep breath and get ready for the ride. Now's the time to lighten up the load so that the next chapter of life flows better. My Saturn return introduced me to the people I needed to meet in order to become who I came here to be. And in order for this to happen, I had to let go of most everything and everyone I thought I needed in my life. This

was the scariest thing that I'd ever had to do. It's also the most powerful. I know this now, and hindsight is 2020. At the onset of my Saturn return, an astrologer said to me, You're entering into your Saturn return. Everyone goes through this, but for some people it's more severe than others. This is a time of transformation, as Saturn is the planet of transformation. For people who are already on the right path in life, this is a time of great growth. And for those who are misaligned in some way with who they came here to be, this is a time when the universe gives them a

chance to realign and transform. And it can be brutal. And you are the most sensitive being I've ever met, a very rare triple cancer. So please give yourself some grace because this is going to feel unbearable. No one will understand you. You will feel like you are dying. You might even want to die. But please remember that you will survive this. And when you do, you will come out stronger than ever. You will need to let go of people in your life who you love now and detach from them fully. They're not serving you. And you will need to let strangers in to help you. Please

let them in. They will save you. This will take about nine months. Go somewhere safe. Don't try to work now. Just rest, stay strong, and trust. Excuse me? I thought I was gonna die when I heard the last part. Those I love will leave me. I need to let strangers help me. Nine months? Are you fucking kidding me? I wasn't sleeping. Every day felt like an eternity. Eternity. Eternity. I was physically exhausted, barely eating, feeling weak and looking ghostly. My anxiety was so high I couldn't breathe. I was sure that I wasn't gonna make it through another day, let alone nine months. Two years later, looking

back, I see that of all the professionals I reached out to throughout that tumultuous time of my life, this astrologer was more on point than any doctor or therapist. And yet one doctor stands out. He was the stranger who would come in and who I would let in to save me, heal me, and teach me more about love than any human I'd previously met. He, along with the other people who showed up as angels at this time, are the inspiration for the book I always dreamed of writing, and that I finally wrote. More on that another time. Let's get back to the doctrine, then of course,

to the pool. I first met him at the Crisis Center in San Francisco on one of the most challenging days of my life. I wanted to write worst right now. And just as I started typing that word, I realized that there's no way this could be the worst day, since this is the day I met one of the kindest humans on the planet. Of all the people who came into my life as healers during my Saturn return, he instantly felt like the angel that the universe sent to guide me. Even through my pain, I could feel it. And while I couldn't understand it, him showing up

gave me a little bit more strength and helped me hold on when I really thought it was all over. He was someone who listened to me in the most authentic and real way I'd ever experienced. I could see it in his eyes that he not only cared deeply, but that he'd been through something very difficult himself. My intuition was very strong here. And while I was having trouble trusting life and mostly myself, I knew this was true. This knowing helped me show up in the most vulnerable way I'd ever shown up with anyone in my entire life. This was another lesson I had to learn through

my Saturn return. Vulnerability is strength. Throughout the entire nine months of my Saturn return, this doctor took care of me. What he did for me was so simple. And when you really break it down, he listened to me. That's really all it was. And yet, this I have learned is the greatest gift we can ever give anyone in the world. He helped me feel less alone. He consistently showed up to assist me and went above and beyond in every way a doctor and human can. I remember thanking him towards the end of our time together, and with tears in both of our eyes, all he said

in his humble manner was, I helped you because I felt I could. That's all. He helped me because that's what angels on earth do. They simply help because they can.

Months later, after reading some of the writing I was sharing from Costa Rica, where I moved the following year to write my book, he wrote to me and said that my words helped him feel better on difficult days. In that surreal moment, I broke down and cried at how this whole game of life works. I never imagined being able to help him in any way. He was the one who saved me. How is it possible that I somehow helped the person who saved me in such a deep way? And yet, isn't this the point? Isn't this what we're all doing for one another? Whether we're doctors

or writers, aren't we all here to help and heal one another throughout our journeys? Yeah, it seems so. Many things have since unfolded, and the last two years often feel like a dream. Frankly, if they hadn't happened to me, I'd have a hard time believing them at all. I entered into the deepest, darkest night of my life, nine months of my life, and re-emerged as the most peaceful and brightest self. Literally felt like I died and birthed a new me nine months. The peace, however, that part that's very new. The peace is what I didn't know I didn't know. The peace is it.

All of me. It taught me grace, compassion, and humbled me to my core. The way I know myself now, the way I love myself now, it's truly a different experience of life. I now know that I can survive anything because I survived wanting to not survive at all. I honor anyone who has ever been where I came back from, which is honestly almost. Every human I've ever met to varying degrees. So, where does the pool come in? It's time to go there. So, just because you survive something and gain a deeper love for yourself doesn't mean you don't still have some shitty, shitty days. And so

about 50 days ago, I was having many of those all in a row. In fact, at that point, the last month or two weren't feeling so great. I felt anxious for the first time in a long time. And of all the emotions out there, anxiety happens to be my least favorite. I know anxiety very well and I know not to fight it, but I also know that the sooner I can invite it in and then gently ask it to simmer down, the better. So I asked my therapist for support since I now know how to do that. Before the support was invited and received, I kept

dreaming of going back to Costa Rica because there by the ocean, there was no anxiety. But there's no warm ocean in San Francisco. And damn it, I don't have a bathtub. For years I've been complaining about not having a damn bathtub. Despite having my very own little amazing studio in San Francisco, which is a dream for many, all I was focusing on was the lack of bathtub. And somehow it felt justified because I knew it was coming from a place of desiring healing. So there I was wanting my bathtub and also wishing I could go back to Costa Rica. Dreaming and wishing is lovely and fun,

and yet it typically does not make a bathtub or warm ocean appear. So when my therapist suggested I visit the pool, I actually listened. And yet there were a few problems, and they felt kind of big. Huge, in fact. Mainly, a pool was not a bathtub nor an ocean. And then there was some other stuff. First of all, the idea of being in a bathing suit freaked me out. I had been injured a few months back and I had a very bad foot sprain, which took me out of my life. So I couldn't walk or be active throughout the last few months, and that led to

some weight gain. I was feeling very uncomfortable in my body after months of chronic pain. Also, where was again, where is I gonna find access to a pool nearby? The gyms are so expensive, and I had just started working again. How was I gonna afford it? And why would I want to be covered in chlorine? Well, today is day 50 in a row of my early morning swimming, and I have a few answers. San Francisco apparently has eight community pools where anyone can swim. If you're low income, the passes are only $2. For everyone else, they're $6. The closest community pool to my house happens to

be seven minutes from me, door to door. I afford this pool because I choose to spend my latte money on the pool. I choose to spend any money I was spending on cocktails or cigarettes on the pool. I can afford it because whenever we truly commit to affording something, we find a way to do it. And why would I want to be covered in chlorine? Because by jumping into the pool every morning, I feel like I'm finally home. The sense of joy and peace that I feel every single day, both during and after my swim, is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. Someone

can break up with me and fire me from a job, but the pool and I are homies and it can't and won't ever fire me or break up with me. We are unconditionally and wholeheartedly in support of one another every single day, one day at a time. By the way, I'm not a morning person, nor have I ever committed to doing anything this consistently throughout my whole life. So 50 days of early morning swimming. I'm talking about 5:30 a.m. Yeah, it's a little out of my character. You might be wondering what inspired me to dive into such a commitment. Day one. Day one. The first day

that I showed up at the pool, I was deeply anxious. I remember changing out of my clothing and putting on my sports bra. I didn't actually get a bathing suit until day 25 of swimming. And I heard the voice in my head going on, you're so fat. Ouch, my foot hurts. What am I doing here? I tried to tune out that voice as I walked out of the changing room and onto the pool area of the North Beach community pool. As soon as I put my feet in the warm water, I instantly knew that this was right. As I submerged myself, it was as if everything

faded. It didn't matter that I was injured. It didn't matter what my body looked like or that I was wearing a sports bra instead of a real bathing suit. It didn't matter that I was feeling anxious just moments before. Nothing really mattered. I was present. I realized in that moment that this pool might just be the bathtub I'd been searching for. I dove in to feel the water all over my face. And when I came back up and opened my eyes, I almost couldn't believe who I saw. It was the doctor who saved my life two years ago. And when I looked a little bit deeper,

tears started streaming down my face. So much suddenly made sense. Every time I used to visit him, he would meet me in the waiting area and we would walk back to his office together. I noticed that he consistently had a little limp. And I didn't think much about it, though I was curious. Seeing him at the pool on that day answered the question I had years prior. I saw in that moment that he was missing one leg. That first moment I saw him in the pool was by far the most profound moment of my life. Here I was feeling deeply anxious about my foot injury and

body. And I see a man who was missing it was half his leg. The point is, in my experienced, or in my experienced, like of knowing him, that didn't stop him from being one of the most completely inspiring, helpful, and powerful humans I'd ever met. I realized in that moment that I wanted to be like him. I want to be a person who doesn't let any sort of limitations, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, stop me from showing up in a big way. And really, this is all about one's mindset and not at all about their body. Something really deep healed with this realization.

My whole perspective shifted. I realized in the most deep way that what we have or don't have is so minuscule compared to how we choose to serve and give back. I don't know what happened to my doctor's leg. I have no idea how it affects him, but I know that in my own experience, spending even three months with a foot injury was very difficult. It slows one down in a way that is hard to understand without having this experience. It humbled me greatly. It brought me to a new appreciation of a slower way of being. I now see the beauty, grace, and power that comes with

slowing down and going at whatever pace suits you, despite how fast the world around you is moving. At the pool on day one, when I saw the man that was my former doctor, a part of me felt like I might be making this whole thing up. It was too perfectly timed. And then he saw me and said hello. And as always, when I looked into his eyes, I saw the kindest and most loving eyes. As I was leaving, he said, You're always so bright. And as I limped back into the changing room, tears streaming down my face again, I could not help but be in awe

of the universe and how it sends us exactly what we need when we need it. Somehow, this human being is always able to see and reflect my own light to me at exactly the right moments. I am deeply grateful to him for how he continues to show up for me without even trying. And I write this story to honor him and everyone out there who heals by simply being themselves. I decided to go back to the pool the next day because day one was so moving. Today is my 50th day in a row of swimming. What we're searching for is always within us, and none of

us know exactly how we're gonna tap into it or who might help us. This is why saying yes to life and to people who show up is so key, even when we find it hard to trust, especially then. It's very easy to trust when things are going well, but the time to truly trust is when they're not. And if you're human, you might hit a rough patch or 20, and it's okay. We're all here to help one another. And this is why asking for help can save a life. This is why saying a kind word to a stranger on a bus might just save them. You

don't know. You simply never know what someone is really dealing with. I share this deeply intimate story as a reminder for you to keep exploring, to keep opening yourself up to your innermost truth. Listen to your gut, even if everyone in the world is telling you otherwise. If I had listened to most professionals, I would have never tapped into my deeper truth. So have the courage to trust yourself even when the world feels like it's falling apart. And invite the possibility that this might be happening for you and not to you. Not a day goes by that I'm not present to the fact that if I

can survive and thrive through a transformation as deep and painful as mine was, then anyone can. I'm just like you and you're just like me. We're searching for our place in the universe, for meaning, for peace. We're looking to connect, to create, to feel, to leave this world a bit better than we found it, to love. Are you with me? And if you're struggling and doubting now, let these words be like those words I heard through the mouth of the kind man on the bus. The world hasn't forgotten about you. You might just be on a detour setting you up for your truest destination. It's not

about where we go or who we meet, it's about finding ourselves authentically in all our brightness and in all our messiness. It's also about knowing that all of us, the fucked up ones and the ones that have it all together at the moment, we're all one and we're all healers. I suggest being open to surprises too. After traveling the whole world searching for happiness, inspiration, and transformation, I found what I had been searching for deep within my own heart at the community pool. With love, Svetlana. And this one is dedicated to my former doctor friend and inspiration. Thank you. Wow, guys, that was really actually profound

reading it because I haven't read that in years. Again, I wrote that eight years ago, and I forgot that I had said that the thing he'd done most was listen to me. What a perfect day to way to end this episode.

When is now? All right, if you've been wondering when to do something that you wanted to do that's hard, maybe get in some cold water. When is now? So here's your homework. Take a 30-second cold shower today. Do it right now. Do it before you go to bed. 30 seconds, go hot, cold, hot, cold. Or bonus extra credit, jump into some cold water. If you live by a beach, a bay, a lake, get in there, jump into a pool. Do it slowly. You don't gotta jump in and swim for two hours. I started swimming for 15 minutes and I got up to an hour. Slow and

steady wins the race. Remember, it's a marathon. And remember also, you can do something called habit stacking. What does that mean? That means that I've wanted to floss consistently my whole life. And I literally never have. Okay, admitting that. I just couldn't find a way to do it. I didn't like it. So when I started cold plunging five days ago, I wrote a note on my mirror that says, flossing is super sexy. I love it. Flossing is gonna make me a ton of money. Flossing is like the new black. And after I plunge, I go into my bathroom to take my hot shower. I see that

note and I bring floss into my shower. And I've been flossing every day for five days. Oh my God, that might not seem like a big deal, but it's a big fucking deal. I stacked that habit on top of another habit. So before you're like, oh, now I'm gonna do this and this and this and this, don't do 20 things. Start with one. Get in that cold water 30 seconds, then build up. I got up to 13 minutes. I could probably spend a half an hour in there right now, but I couldn't do that at the beginning. So take it slow. Celebrate that you did 30

seconds. After seven days of doing that, add another thing. Add something to that routine that either will be a challenge or that's fun. Remember, not everything has to be super heavy. Life is freaking heavy enough. But if we can remember that when is now, and you're never ready until you do it, you might just find a little bit of icy inspiration, some confidence, some self-love, some discipline, and whatever the hell else you need to find for you.

I dedicate this one again to Dr. Oliva. I'm gonna send this to you, and I hope you're well because you are still the most compassionate, incredible human who truly saved my life. And the fact that I'm here now and I've had three more times of darkness, actually, maybe even harder than that one, and have survived and thrived. Uh it's all because you helped me at that time as well. You helped me help myself. So this one goes out to all the healers, all the doctors, all the therapists, all the friends, family, humans out there who survive every day and thrive every day because they're of service

to themselves and to the world. All right. Enjoy your homework, get cold, get hot. Get whatever you need to get when you tune into your own strength because you could do it. I know you can do it. Go do it, go do it right now. Do it, do it, do it, do it. All right, and join me next time. Got some really great episodes coming up this season. Oh, and uh please share this. Uh, follow it, share it, write a review, subscribe. This is medicine, free medicine, just like water. All right, ciao.