What Is Your Perfect Sunday? THE Question That Reveals Compatibility In Relationships

Speaker 1 Hey you, I got a question for ya. What is your perfect Sunday?

Speaker 1 Ah, welcome back to Masterful Listening. This question, what is your perfect Sunday? Has been one of my favorite questions. There's so much about this question that I love, and it's such a helpful question. And I always say, ask great questions, get great answers. Uh, ask shitty questions, ruin your life. The questions we ask ourselves and others are so paramount to our understanding of ourselves and others, but also they're just so helpful in helping us make choices from a really authentic place. But before we dive into the question of what's your perfect Sunday and how it has changed my life and my relationships and might help you

Speaker 1 in your life and relationships. Because remember, you're here at Masterful Listening, the world's first super rad listening school. And I'm really hoping the things that you're learning and experiencing are serving you. And in fact, I just want to thank you right now. I want to thank all of the masterful listeners because I just looked at the data and this podcast, in its first season of I think about what, three months, has been listened to in North America, Europe, Asia, South America, Africa, and Oceania. That's insane. That's one, two, three, four, five, six continents, over 128 cities and 20 countries total. So whoever you are, wherever you

Speaker 1 are, thank you so much. And I'm gonna say this at the beginning. So I don't forget to say it at the end. Please subscribe, share, and also take a moment, if you're willing, and write a review. Because apparently, the more reviews are specifically on a platform like Apple, the more they kind of push it out to more people. And I would love more people to, you know, get the benefit of a listening school and hopefully some really great stories. And today is gonna be another example of that. So before we dive into the story, the flow here is I'm gonna introduce a little bit about this

Speaker 1 concept. I'm also gonna invite you to listen in a certain way. And so whether this is episode one for you, welcome. Or it's the what is it, like 17th or 18th one, which is pretty rad. Uh, masterful listening again is all about listen with your full being and don't be doing anything else. And listen to my whole being. So you're listening to my words, what's between the words, the tone, the energy. If you're watching me on camera, you can pay attention to all of that as well. But something I learned in coaching school many years ago that I so see as true now is you don't

Speaker 1 actually have to see a person to really listen and feel them. That's why my coaching is mostly on the phone, super effective. Uh yeah, paying attention's great. Paying attention to words, paying attention to body language, you know. I always say we're we're often telling stories and saying things without even speaking or realizing it. And if we're around humans who listen and pay attention, such a rewarding experience, right? Yeah. So listen masterfully in terms of listen to all the all of it and check in. Is this a good time to listen? Can you actually really focus right now? I always say this is not the best podcast

Speaker 1 to have on, just like in the background, unless you just like to hear my voice, which is great. But then listen to it again, right? When you can listen. And here's how I want to add another layer today.

Speaker 1 Take a few deep breaths with me.

Speaker 1 And notice how in every episode I have a funky moment of messing something that I'm just keeping going. So let's just breathe in.

Speaker 1 And as we breathe, I want you to bring to mind like the last awesome day that you can think of. Like when was the best day recently that you can think of? For whatever reason. Just keep breathing for a moment and call in that day. What were you doing? Who are you with? How are you feeling? Where are you? What's it look like? What's it sound like? Just bring to mind that day, and then just breathe in for you that feeling of the day, of that perfect day.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if you can't think of one, then pause this and really breathe into it, not forcefully, but like, I know you've had one great day in your life. Okay. I know you have. Um, and if you haven't had one great day in your life, please contact me so I can talk to you. Seriously. Usually we just get in the way of remembering, especially if we're in a hard time. So wherever you are, feel into your day. And I just want you to keep that energy of what that feels like with you in you as you listen today. Because we're going to be talking about the question

Speaker 1 of all questions for me. If you've ever met me and you are a uh man, and we've ever had some sort of spark uh in any sort of uh probably more of a romantic sense. This is how this question began, but I now use it honestly outside of that scenario. I have always asked every person who I met who I thought, oh, maybe there's a vibe here. Like, do we have compatibility? I've had my compatibility question of what is your perfect Sunday? And the way that this question came to me, I was in college. So I must have been maybe 20. And I had a best

Speaker 1 friend, shout out to Kenny, if you ever hear this. And Kenny was in a relationship at the time with an awesome human being. Uh, but you know, as as what happens in relationships, even when people are incredible, uh, sometimes there's compatibility issues. And Kenny, when his relationship ended, I said, So what was like what happened finally that that made it, you know, made you all decide to to transition out of a relationship? And he said, Well, we woke up on a Sunday and like she wanted to like just like get going and go on a run and start this whole day full of all this energy.

Speaker 1 And I wanted to like sleep in and wake up and you know, have coffee and like just chill. And I was like, Yeah, those are so different. He's like, Yeah, and we kind of looked at each other and we're like, you know what? We just have a totally different idea of what a perfect Sunday looks like. And I thought, oh man, what a great question. What a great way to figure out are we aligned on like what our perfect day off looks like? Sundays, obviously, for most people who work on like more of a nine to five, or even if you're in school, like that's one

Speaker 1 of your days off, right? So, like the way that you choose to spend your time on your day off, I think says so much about you. And so, since that moment, every time I met someone with whom I wanted to gauge uh chemistry, you don't need to gauge that you feel, uh, which is cool, but that is not enough, I think, unless you're just trying to have a bunch of chemistry and fun and like not have that lead to something, which I'm not in a stage of my life where I'm really interested in that. But compatibility, that's a whole other beast. Like, are you compatible? Does

Speaker 1 your morning feel like, oh yeah, that's the way I want to spend my morning? And your partner's like, oh yeah, me too. Or is it a constant struggle? I've had that happen. That's not a good feeling. I would imagine that the happiest relationship is one where your flow of your day feels like aligned. You don't even necessarily, I think, need to want to do the exact same things, but if you did have synergy around the things you'd want to spend time doing together, I think that's awesome. Uh so yeah, what is your perfect Sunday? I have asked that to every single person who I've ever considered

Speaker 1 like dating. And I gotta say, it's been fascinating. I also actually asked this question like if I've ever been on like dating apps or considered going out with someone or even on a first date. That is my question because I think a lot of people focus on like, you know, music and what do you like to do? And even like love languages. Cool, cool. That's great. But I think you got to actually get the difficult stuff out of the way. Like on a date where I didn't really know someone, I'd probably ask, hey, so like, why are you single? What happened in your last relationship? And

Speaker 1 like, what'd you learn from it? Because that would give me so much more information about them, more so than our things we have in common. Because I think, frankly, it's easier to deal with the things you have in common than with the deal breakers. You know what I'm saying? So, again, good questions are really important. And I've never really been afraid to ask them too soon because time is precious. I don't want to waste someone's time, I don't want them to waste their time. So the sooner you figure it out, the better, you know? At least that's what I think. So, what's your perfect Sunday? I've

Speaker 1 heard so many answers, and it's actually been super cool to see people go, mm, yeah. And then I the here's the other set of instructions with this question, because I will have you answer this. Oh yes. But first, I'm gonna tell you mine. Uh, the instructions are this imagine that you have like all the resources you have now. So you're not suddenly a billionaire and have your own jet. Um, like with what you have now, you have a whole day. I want you to describe it to me in really deep, deep, deep detail. So, like from the moment you wake up, what time, how are you

Speaker 1 feeling? What do you do with who? What's the speed? What's that? Like, just describe it to me as much as you can. And then what I do is I masterfully listen and I think, mm, does this align with how I'd want to spend my day? And often it was like, no. For example, it was like, I could have met a super cool person, right? And then they want to spend their Sunday by like, you know, waking up in the morning and maybe having coffee and chilling, and then like it's it's football time. Uh, my perfect Sunday would probably never include me spending four hours watching football.

Speaker 1 However, that could be a cool, like one Sunday every while. That just wouldn't be my idea of a perfect Sunday, right? So I just thought we're probably not gonna be the most compatible humans. Another example is someone once said, I think, like, oh, I'd want to wake up at 6 a.m. and I'd want to go for like a five mile run. And instantly there I stop because I actually love waking up super early and I don't love running, but I love walking, I love cold plunging, I love swimming. Like I'm pretty active, I'd say, more than I've been. But like at a perfect Sunday level, I

Speaker 1 probably wouldn't want to wake up at 6 a.m. and run five miles. However, if my partner did and then wanted to get home, shower, and get back in bed with me, like that could work. So again, it's just so cool. This question tells you so much. First, you understand people's choices and desires. Second, you see the details that matter to them. Like I've had someone say, I wake up in this beautiful outdoor bed and I'm surrounded by a jungle. And I'm like, yeah. Like, what are they pointing out? And B, you really do see like, what are the things that really inspire them and move them

Speaker 1 even on their day off? Because somebody, for example, could be like, oh, and then I spend an hour or two in the afternoon planning my week and planning my work and even looking at my work. Like that's super cool. Someone might be like, oh no, no, I would never want my partner on a Sunday to even think about work. And there's plenty of people like that. Me, it could go either way because I love my work. So, like, my work is like making a cool hat, right? So if someone was inspired by their work and also planned in advance, I'd kind of be inspired by that.

Speaker 1 I'd be like, maybe I would do that at the same time. So you can also be surprised by the answers you hear and be like, oh, I didn't even think about that. But that could be a really cool way to spend some time. So I love this question. It's one of my favorite questions to ask at the very beginning. I've used it more in a like romantic assessment of compatibility, but you can just use it when you make a new friend and you're like, oh, like, are we gonna hang out? What's it gonna be like to spend time with you? Right. It's just so cool when

Speaker 1 there's alignment. And the answers I've heard weren't necessarily like the ones where I'm like, oh, that is my perfect Sunday. They weren't like things I'd even thought of doing, they were just things that I thought, oh yeah, I would enjoy that, right? It's cool to get inspired by other people's perfect Sundays and perfect days. So, with that, I'm gonna tell you what my perfect Sunday is. And by the way, please listen masterfully, of course. And if as you're listening, you're like, oh yeah, that is a fucking great day. I love that day. Let me know. Let me know. Let's have a Sunday together, right? It's so

Speaker 1 cool. And by the way, uh yeah, no, I'm gonna get started. I keep I keep veering off into my really awesome detours. No by the ways, right now. So yesterday did not start out as a perfect Sunday. I woke up, I felt not great. I took a bunch of vitamins and then threw them all up. So that got me thinking about the idea of a perfect Sunday. But I gotta tell you, yesterday changed. Why? Because it was my 11th day of cold plunging, and I did it. And I went from like nausea and throwing up to just I was really thinking at that moment, I'm just

Speaker 1 gonna get back in bed, spend the day in bed. It's okay. And then I was like, let me just plunge. And after that 20 minutes, which was a long time, I thought, oh my God, I wasn't nauseous. My appetite came back, I had energy, I cleaned my place, I got to see friends. It was like holy moly, the day became perfect. And then I thought, yeah, but this still isn't my idea of like a perfect Sunday. So here it is. And I actually haven't asked myself this question in a while, and it's shifted throughout the years. Like some things have stayed the same, but others shift.

Speaker 1 Oh, and it's 111, and I'm noticing that. Remember, when we masterfully listen, it means we're paying attention to everything. My perfect Sunday would start out really slow. I would be waking up in a massive, massive, massive bed, like a custom, almost like a cow king, but like 50% bigger than that. Like a big enough bed where I could be waking up in like really cozy linen sheets and my partners with me and Rad's there, but we all have enough space, and it's like a really sweet, slow wake up with the sun shining in, and there's a lot of greenery. I'm in sort of a very large

Speaker 1 room with a big, these two doors that open up, and I can feel the wind, and I can see and smell the ocean nearby. It's like that vibe, and uh yeah, probably just cuddling in bed a little bit, getting up, making a delicious latte for me and my partner with me. And on my perfect Sunday, I think there would be a partner, but if I wasn't in a partnership, then I would just be doing this with me. So I want to make that clear in the perfect, perfect scenario, since that's the question. I'm with someone who's freaking rad and they're also not in a rush, but

Speaker 1 but happy to be awake, you know. And I think as we're drinking coffee in bed, we just kind of check in on like, what do we want to do today? How are we feeling? Because you know, we're exactly perfectly on time, and there's all kinds of fun things to do or not. And uh also lots of just physical touch at whatever level, it could mean snuggling or have a little nice makeout session, it could be more. The point is, I love physical touch and connection, so there'd be a lot of that throughout the day and definitely in the morning with rad too. Rad to dogie, he's

Speaker 1 such a snuggler. Oh my goodness, it's so sweet. Also, it could happen that after we like talk about the day, we pass out again for a bit. The whole point is the flow and the feel is slow. My mantra for this year is even slower. So Sundays I love are slow. Not meaning all the activities are slow, like jet skiing would be super fun to do on a Sunday. Hey, yeah, let's throw that in. But we don't rush to get there. We don't rush as we're doing it, we're present. So the feelings present on my perfect Sunday are like slow, peace, like a nice coast, but

Speaker 1 like some bursts of energy. So probably once I get out of bed, kind of make a nice breakfast, like some eggs and avocado, and some yummy, like hollow bread toasted with some jam, some orange juice, some water. People who know me know I usually have four drinks just because I like my options and I don't drink all of them and it's funny. So we'd be laughing. Nice breakfast outside. It's not too sunny, but it's warm. Uh, I'm in a cool hat, so is my partner. We're probably in like underwear and hats, which why not do that on a Sunday? Why not do that any day? Um,

Speaker 1 and then we go and do some sort of like water activity. The one that's coming to me now is jet skiing. I've actually only done that once, and I'd love to do that again. And uh it could be stand-up paddle boarding, could be really anything, could be swimming, but something active, you know? Um, and then after the activity, I'd want to end that with a cold plunge back at my place. We would have a really nice ice bath situation, ice box like I have here, doing that and doing it together and like being like, come on, yeah, let's go even more. Although that wouldn't even be

Speaker 1 probably super hard because at that point that's a routine in my life, but that's a routine I would keep on Sundays for sure. And then maybe by that point it's like two. And I love to kind of lounge a little bit. So I'd probably have a really not probably, this is my dream, I get to say, I would have this really cool, like almost open living room with a really beautiful art TV, and I'd turn it on and maybe browse and hang out for an hour or two, just like snuggling, watching something fun or interesting or cool. And then uh, you know, friends are coming over

Speaker 1 for dinner. So we're gonna make some yummy food. We're gonna set a gorgeous table. There's about six of us. We're in the backyard. There's twinkly lights, there's candles, there's some live jams happening because people like to sing. And uh yeah, we spend the evening over a nice meal, laughing, hanging out. And in moments, because there's people over, me and my partner wouldn't constantly be together, but we'd catch each other, like we'd look at each other sometimes across the room and sort of like give a little uh telepathic like wink or love and be like, wow, it's so great. We have this amazing community, and when they

Speaker 1 leave. We're gonna hang out together. How cool. Um, and yeah, dinner would go, you know, how however long it goes, but probably not really late. So if it started around 6:30, maybe 10:30 at the latest. I'm an early to bed kind of girl. Doesn't mean I'm asleep right away, but uh dinner cleanup, everyone helps clean up a bit, feels good. Uh, and then we go to bed at, I don't know, 11, 11:30. Uh, reflect on the day together. What did we love? What was great? What made it perfect? What's tomorrow gonna look like? And uh fall into a gentle slumber, maybe some more uh lovey-dovey physical

Speaker 1 yumminess, you know? Huh? Yeah, always open to that. Always a yes to that. So that's my perfect Sunday. How did that land with you? Did you like some parts of it? Did you not? What'd you do? Let's pause. Okay, let's pause. And I want you to take out a piece of paper or grab your phone and either write down, write down the question, what is my perfect Sunday? And take some notes or do a little voice recording. I like to voice record everything. Uh, and and just take, you don't know, up to five minutes right now and pause it and just do this. Do this now.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, if you did that, kudos. You get an A plus for today in school. If you didn't, I highly recommend you do because it's gonna help you to know what your idea of a perfect Sunday is before you're in that relationship and you're realizing you're living two different stories and they're not aligned. And then you're like, oh, but even if that's what's happening right now in this realization, cool. It's never too late to learn any of these things. In fact, whenever you get it, you get it, right? So here's the other thing I realized. I used to think about this whole question as like a

Speaker 1 Sunday thing. And then it hit me a while ago, a few months ago, when I was in a relationship where previous to this person living with me temporarily, I'd asked him this question because I was trying to figure out am I gonna invite this person to actually uh live with me for a while? Which was something I was very careful about because I've done it before and it did not work out. So I asked him this question and his answer was freaking perfect. I was like, oh my God, yes. And you know how many perfect Sundays we had together in the five we spent together? Zero.

Speaker 1 Because his answer, I think, was what he wanted me to hear, or maybe even what he wanted it to be, but it wasn't the reality of what really made a perfect Sunday for him. And I wish he would have been honest with me, because again, misalignment is great because then you know. Whereas if you think you're in the same story and then you realize that you're really not, that sucks. Oh my God. Have you been there? Yeah, that's like such a big topic, but anything we can do to go inward to understand ourselves so that we could even be listening for some of those keywords, uh,

Speaker 1 concepts, ideas. When you ask this question, if you'd like to borrow it and use it, remember invite the person who's answering it to be very specific with not just what are you doing, how are you feeling? Who are you being? Who else is there? Allow yourself to dream. Also, it's a really good reminder that we don't always need a ton more resources to do great things. You know, when you do have the jet as a billionaire, then you can think about those resources. But again, you don't need that to be happy. Uh, in my experience, uh, not as a billionaire with a jet, but with a

Speaker 1 human or as a human who knows humans who got everything they wanted. And and I've been that person too. And that didn't lead me to what I thought I would feel or experience. Therefore, choose it today. Choose it now. The first step is asking great questions. What's your perfect Sunday? Is one of my favorite questions. I really hope you use it. And as your homework, once you do the first part where you write down your idea of a perfect Sunday, I would ask or I invite you to ask anyone in your life. If you're just dating someone new or considering doing that, ask them the question

Speaker 1 and then masterfully listen to them. Then ask them some deeper questions to really understand if you want more depth. Uh, once whoever you ask, once you hear an answer that you're like, oh, that is a super rad Sunday, then invite them to share a perfect Sunday with you. And in time, you might even have the awareness that came to me, which was, wow, it was like Monday and I had this amazing day. And then it was Tuesday, and I had this amazing day. And I was like, wow, every day feels like a perfect Sunday. Because it's not about the Sunday, it's about living days intentionally, mindfully,

Speaker 1 with joy, with adventure, with love, whatever you envision. And oh, if we could share that with other humans, it's so great. I'm a big fan of finding a way to enjoy your days solo because you're always with yourself, and sometimes we can't be with others. But if we know other people's perfect Sundays and we know our own, and we can share them, it's pretty, pretty rad. All right, I'm gonna keep this one short. That's all I wanted to say. I hope this inspires you to have a perfect Sunday, uh, a great experience of asking yourself a question. Uh, I hope this brings you some joy with

Speaker 1 someone you love. And please again share your experience with me. I've had a few people reach out to me recently and uh thank me for the podcast, by the way. And for those of you who have done that, thank you so much. Those have been so meaningful, those remarks. Uh it's seeming like it's really making a difference, then it's helping people. And I'm so glad. So if that's the case, please, hey, keep reaching out. I love getting feedback. If there's something you love, awesome. If something you know you think I could be doing better, cool, let me know. I'm doing this for me, but I'm doing

Speaker 1 this for you too. And and anything you want to share, and please write a review. Tell other humans what they would expect if they chose to spend their time listening. Because guess what? Listening to me is a big gift. You listening to you is a big gift. Let's keep unwrapping each other's gifts. And enjoy your week, and I'll see you next time, masterful listener.