The Student Becomes the Teacher Becomes the Student Becomes the Master. Mastering the art of lifelong learning...

So, who is the best teacher you've ever had? Someone who's really transformed your life. Think of them right now.

I want to dedicate this very special episode to all the teachers out there who, I mean, really changed the lives of their students. I've had two in particular who I want to thank right now. And today's episode is a deep dive into what it means to be a student in life and of life. I find the student becomes the teacher, becomes the student, becomes the master. And it goes and goes and goes. We're all students, we're all teachers. I think we're all masters of things. And I think the the teachers, the masters, the students that I've always been inspired by and tried to be are those

who realize that it's just a cyclical cycle. We're all learning, we're all hopefully sharing what we're learning, which I think is the ultimate teacher. And then we're mastering certain things. Once the learning seeps in so deeply that it's no longer you reading things or saying things or believing things or knowing things, you're living the things, right? Like you become the mantra, you become the lesson, you become the teacher, the master, and then you're right back to being a student, right? Yeah. So, Mr. Tom Warden and Mr. Jerry Eisner, I hope you hear this. I will send it to you. Tom Warden was my English teacher in

high school, 10th and 11th grade, or was it 10th and 12th grade? Two years, I know, but I the first one was 10th grade. And um Jerry Eisner, my photography teacher, gosh, must have also been probably ninth grade. Uh, you both taught me lessons that you probably didn't even realize were as profound as I thought at that time and for basically all the time since then. And when I say profound, I realize I say that word a lot. What I mean by profound is profound means rare and deep, like rare and meaningful. So the lessons you taught me together that I will share is today's story

really tremendously changed not just my life and what I've done in my life, but who I've been in my life, how I've looked at my life. And it's it's really meaningful. And I want to share that with you, the listener. So welcome back to Masterful Listening. I hope you are finding this uh Super Rad World's first ever listening school podcast, an awesome experience. I hope you're learning, I hope you're growing, and I hope you're enjoying the ride as much as I am. I feel like we're uh, you know, on this uh journey, a partnership, a sort of co-creation, a uh navigating this uh spaceship, this drive

together as we go deeper into what it means to truly listen, listen to ourselves, listen to the world around us, listen to people who we love, listen to people who we do not love, listen to people who we agree with, listen to people we do not agree with. How do we listen? Are we coming to the conversation, to the experience with curiosity, openness, or are we showing up with our opinions and the facts and trying to be heard versus really listen? You know, there's so much to listening, and every episode I try to kind of deepen our understanding and our experience of what masterful listening truly

means. And the theme that's been in my head a lot this past week and what I actually thought I was gonna record today is a little bit different. And I think this is gonna be a different episode, but this question of you know, do you like yourself when you're alone? For me, I've spent most of my life trying to be liked, but not like in the way of what do I want to say? I think when I say, oh, I was trying to be liked, it almost sounds like that's not a maybe a good thing to do, right? There's a lot of, you know, a lot

of people are talking about it's all about if, you know, yourself and self-love. And like, yes, and I think there's there's something beautiful in wanting to be liked from that perspective of I wanted to be and I still want to be a person who others are drawn to, who they enjoy spending time with, who perhaps they want to learn from, who they like. You know, the number one uh sign of whether uh employees stay at companies is do they even like their manager? So, like being liked is very important. And I spent so much time wanting to be liked, meaning I wanted to be looked at

as a good friend, a good daughter, a good girlfriend, partner, coach, all of it. And it was like at some point, it hit me that, you know, I think I'm a much better friend, coach, uh, facilitator than I am, like the person to myself. Because the way you are in public, the way you show up with others, that really matters. But how do you show up with you when it's just you? And you know it's late at night and you're all alone and no one's watching you, how are you acting then? How are you speaking to yourself? What are you wearing? What are you eating? What

are you doing? Uh it hit me that I I wanted to not only be liked genuinely, I wanted to really like me genuinely. And I think that's been, even though the realization came recently in terms of like the mantra of like, we all want to be liked, but do you like yourself when you're alone? That idea of like, who am I? How do I accept who I am, love who I am, make use of who I am, what I am, that's what led me to be this lifelong student. And so, as someone who's I've always loved school, I've always wanted to educate myself. That's why I

essentially started this listening school. I always said, if I could just learn for free, I'd be in school all the time. And yet I've been finding ways to be in school most of my adult life when it was a choice in any way I could, and I've invested a lot into it, both, you know, financially, energetically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, uh, because I get so much out of it. And it's funny because as my journey has gone from, you know, student to teacher as a facilitator and teacher, I then found like I was even more a student because suddenly I'm learning so much in my classes.

Like I get so much out of coaching and teaching that I found myself to be a student again. And as I've gone back into the role of student after having been the teacher, then I felt like I was able to master all kinds of new ways of being and ideas. And then I again felt like I was becoming a student, a teacher. You know, we often look at masters and gurus as our teachers, but the ones that I think are really like legit, wise masters, they know that they're much more than teachers or guides. They're they're students. So everything is everything, everyone is everyone. I have

that. Everything is everything mantra tattooed on my arm for a reason. Remembering that I'm a student as well as a teacher, as well as a masterful listener, it humbles me. I love that we get to learn, and I'm so grateful you're here learning today. So, as a little bit of an intro, I want you to listen today masterfully as always. You're listening to my words, uh, my energy, what I don't say, how I say things. Make sure you're really genuinely curious about this topic of what does it mean to be a student, a teacher, a master, a student, a teacher, a master. Imagine if you and

I and we all embraced the student within, the teacher within, the master within, and then the student within, the teacher within, the master within. Oh my gosh, like what a multi-dimensional, expansive experience. And I'm all about that, right? Anytime I've been like, whoa, I totally got this. I'm so wise. Something smacks me in the in the the face of my life, and I'm like, okay, I gotta learn some more. So at this point, I'm just saying yes to the the student within. It's like the student is the foundation, and then the teacher stands upon that, and then the master stands upon that. I think the true

master realizes that they're just living, being, sharing from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. And like I always say, I don't mind being wrong. I don't have to be right. I'm sharing my own stories, my own experience, my own lessons. And I really hope that you take them through your own unique perspective. And, you know, I always say, take what resonates, leave the rest. But I do want you to also, as you masterfully listen today, I want you to right now, let's just take a moment. I want you to bring to mind your favorite teacher, the first teacher who pops into your head that you've had.

And uh, it could be a teacher in school, it could be a, you know, uh, if you went to university, professor, it could be uh uh your mother, okay? It could be someone you randomly met at a shop. Like a teacher can be whoever has really taught you a life lesson, uh, lessons, things, whatever they gave you that has really defined you. I'm like, really bring that human being, and in this case, yes, a human, human teacher, please. And if for some reason you can't think of one, then maybe think of one that you've heard about. Just have someone in your mind who has really inspired

or somehow served your life. And I want you to think, what is the quality in that person that really stood out to you as something you really wanted to like integrate into your own being? Maybe they were really kind, uh, maybe they were really clear, maybe they were really a great champion of you, a coach, inspiring, whatever. But whatever that is for you, just breathe that in. And uh put on that filter for how you listen today. As if we have a lens on a camera and you're just putting on a filter, a sort a sort of light filter, a um every filter you put on

a lens, every lens that you switch out on a camera changes the whole thing, the whole thing you're looking at. Uh it paints the whole thing a different hue, a different energy. And and this is a great foray into my story. But I always say perspective is everything in life. As a coach, I really, really, really, really believe that. Our perspective on the things that happen to us, uh, the things that don't, on ourselves. Perspective is what creates the story. And stories are the things we're making up about pretty much everything that's happening in our lives, about ourselves, about the people in our lives, about our

interactions, our successes, our failures, our trauma, our triumphs. Like we're just making up stories. And I always say, if you're gonna make up a story, might as well make up a good story. So I've been obsessed with stories and storytelling and perspective and photography uh since I was in high school, middle school, but no, high school. And this is where the story of Tom and Jerry comes in. So again, this one's dedicated to Tom Warden and Jerry Eisner, my two teachers in high school. So I'm gonna start with Mr. Tom Warden. Uh I immigrated to the US when I was six from Moldova. And in Moldova

at that time, most people spoke Russian. Russian is my first language. And uh some people are surprised to hear that because I I, you know, I don't have an accent, I don't sound like a foreigner, but I am. And so because English was not my first language, I always had a story in my head that like I had really not good grammar and bad grammar. At that time in high school, I was more comfortable with the math and science uh subjects. I was in like honors math. I'd always had this ability to do these really complex equations. Um, I didn't really necessarily like it, but I

loved the kind of you gotta solve a problem and like there is a clear solution, like for a math equation. Uh and in my high school, everyone knew that there was this main, God, what was it? It was like the final project or paper. Gosh, I don't remember anymore. This was 20 years ago. Wow, over 20 years ago. That's wild. Uh, but there was this in a certain grade, I think it was 10th grade, you had to write this big, big research paper. And Tom Warden was known as like the hardest teacher. I think he was the head of the department, maybe not at that point,

but it was like, whoa. And I got put in his class and I was so excited because you could have different English teachers, and I happened to end up in this class. And we were, you know, starting to get prepared to work on this big project. And I was really in my head about the grammar. Like I was just worried. I always loved stories. I kind of was afraid to write because my grammar wasn't great. I have to admit, to this day. Sometimes somebody's like, well, what's the pr uh correct adverb, uh pronoun? And I'm like, what does that even mean? Like, I have to look

up the meanings of these things, and I'm a published writer and editor. And I admit that because again, the like word for the grammar thing that it is, I might not even know that. And yet I know how to write. And why have I even had the courage to write, despite the fact that I still say, I don't really have great grammar. My grammar's pretty fine. Uh there was one moment, I don't remember exactly when this was, but we had to do a first draft of this paper. And I first had to figure out what am I even going to write about? And I was sort

of really nervous and I really wanted to do well. I think my ego was also like, I want to get a great grade, but like my soul was like, man, I want to do something really meaningful. And I realized that I loved the show Friends. And I wanted to write a paper about something really meaningful, but something that was interesting and fun to me, because I've always said, like, I've always learned better and been a better student when I'm having fun. So I thought, wait a minute, I feel like friends, there's so much people get out of that show. But to me, it felt very optimistic

in some way. And it's funny, I look back now, I'm like, wow, at 16, I was the same human. I ended up writing a paper called Grabbing the Spoon. Grabbing the spoon. And what I did was I printed out the transcript of every single friend's episode. And I remember doing this at the library. I had like that, like, I don't even know how many hundreds or thousands of pages of episodes. And I went through and I found the ones that had anything to do with like this idea of what it means to grab the spoon in life. Because Ross, in one episode, and honestly, I kind

of want to find this paper. It must be somewhere. I think I saved the original draft that I submitted. He says something like, Life is all about grabbing the spoon. Are you grabbing the spoon? Meaning like, are you living your full life? And I did this whole analysis of that concept. And I submitted it, and we had to submit a first draft, and then we would get notes and a and a grade, and then we had to resubmit it for our final draft and grade. And I remember finally we came in on a day, we'd submitted them. And uh Dr. Warden, by the way, I didn't

say Dr. Tom Warden. He is a doctor, PhD. That's right. So yeah, Dr. Warden. Oh, when I just said Dr. Warden, I just was back in my 16-year-old self. Dr. Warden's like, okay, I'm gonna hand back your uh first drafts. And I just want to say, like, you know, I'm something like he was always kind of also super real. He's like, you know, a lot of people kind of miss the mark on on this, but you know, good start. There's only like one person that kind of really, I feel like, just like got the essence of where I'm wanting you to go, but overall, blah, blah.

Well, when he handed me my paper, it was an A minus. I was that one person. And I was like, what? How? And I honestly I don't remember exactly what what was said throughout the whole conversation or even when, but in reflecting with Dr. Warden about this whole experience in this paper, and when I said to him something like, Yeah, but like I I just I'm so focused on the grammar, he said, Svet, just forget the grammar and get the story. Forget the grammar and get the story. And he's like, and you did, and you do keep doing that. Because you can always learn grammar, you

can always fix grammar, but if you're so stuck in the grammar that you don't tell the story, get the story. Who cares? You know what I'm saying? Oh my god, it was so profound. And that changed the rest of my life. That gave me the courage to keep writing. I rewrote that paper, I wrote more, I wrote more, I've published, I don't even know. I've written a lot, and I always write with that. That anytime I get caught up in the grammar, I notice that and I have learned to improve my grammar too. But I've been a storyteller my whole life because Dr. Warden said, forget

the grammar, get the story, knowing that once you focus more on the story, the grammar will come. And at the same time, literally, I think the same year, maybe a year before, I had a photography teacher named Jerry Eisner, Mr. Eisner. And photography was my first true love, my first art. I started taking photos as a kid, but in high school, we had this really beautiful photography lab. Like I would shoot, I still have my first uh non-digital like camera. It was a canon. Then I switched to Nikon. Just saying. But I would shoot on film and develop my own prints in the dark room. I

loved it, I love the process. I miss it. I've been saying for 20 years, I want to build another dark room. And I hope this moment of reminding me right now of myself, saying that to myself forever. I hope that reminder will inspire me to actually build one somehow. And I will at the right time. Point is, I love the dark room. And I always loved capturing people. Um, and I was always frustrated with lighting. Just because, again, you'll see a pattern with me. I am way more of a big picture person than a detail person. I do care about the details. Details are so important,

but getting too caught up in the details just frustrated me. And it's funny because this has been a theme throughout my life. Uh so funny how everything connects to that, to those moments with Tom and Jerry. So, what did Jerry Eisner say to me one day? I was like freaking out about lighting, and I was like trying to like light this thing. And my sister had her first baby, Felice, when I was 16 on my 16th birthday. So, Felice, my niece, what's up, Felice, was born as my gift on my birthday. I always said that anyway. I don't know if that was actually the case. Um

And I had all these beautiful photos of Felice. My I always joke, my sister got lucky because I professionally photographed all the children. Um and in that moment where I was like talking about lighting and stressing out, he goes, Svet, forget the lighting. Get the moment. And he's like, and you're good at that. You capture the moment. You know what's funny? I've been a photographer now for what, over 20 years? People have always said that to me. They're like, you get the moment. They're so real. And I'm like, you're right. Because I stopped being obsessed with the perfect lighting. Because when I was obsessed with the

perfect lighting, I always missed the moment. And that's such a metaphor for so much. We're so obsessed with capturing it the perfect way. We're missing it. We're not there. Right? Like, think of how often you've had your iPhone trying to get the perfect photo of like the frickin' moon. That's never going to happen. And you're not seeing the moon. Now, when I catch myself still doing that, sometimes I just put my freaking phone away and I just look at it. Or sometimes I'm with my friends still and I'm like, oh, I just wish I could capture this perfect thing. It's like, then I just breathe and

look at them or look at the thing and I have the moment. Forget the lighting, get the moment. Live the moment. Forget the grammar. Get the story. Be in the story. Write the story. No, you can always fix the lighting in the grammar. So I don't know if you find that mantra lesson nearly as insightful and deep and profound and moving as I do. But like the reminder from those two humans when I was a teenager to stop obsessing with the grammar and the lighting, but to start really being present to and capturing the moment and the story and the feeling.

It's probably that nostalgic part of me that, you know, for black and white photos, it was just, it was always, it was almost, excuse me, kind of cool to mess up sometimes because I was like, it's what you make of that mistake. Once I was traveling through Europe on one of my journeys, photographing all kinds of, I think I was doing a collection of like really interesting people in cities. And I was walking across the street in Germany and I dropped my camera as, and as it was falling, I kind of scooped it in a ninja move and it didn't hit the pavement, thank God, but

it somehow snapped a photo of this cobblestone road. And it's one of my favorite photos. It's totally diagonal. It like it looks like I could have planned it that way, but it was a complete mistake, me literally dropping a $3,000 camera. And in that moment that I was dropping it, I wasn't thinking, oh my God, this is going to capture one of the coolest photos, but it did. So I want to share this story because that was a pivotal moment for me of being like, wow, I'm so grateful for these teachers. And now, after so many years of living into this as best as I could,

you know, I still get caught up in grammar. I still get caught up in lighting. I still get caught up in all kinds of stuff that we humans get caught up with because we're stuck in our head. But I bring myself back to, but what's the story? What's the story I want to tell here? What's the story I want to live in? Because I am the writer and the editor. I'm the photographer and the lighting director. You know, we're the creatives, we're the stars, we're also the people who put it all together. And you really can go back and fix grammar. You can go back and

edit a photo, but you can't have that moment again. And sometimes people are so obsessed with making the moment look right or sound perfect that they're completely missing it. So the gift that Tom and Jerry gave me, it was the gift of stories and moments and presence, you know, and authenticity and appreciation. And I want to share that with you because that is, I think, how you get to mastery. I think when you really become a master, you integrate all the moments as a student, all the moments as a teacher, and then you share them humbly and with love and goodness, not because you're better than

someone, but maybe because you're better at something, because you've practiced it more. And what a deeper kindness exists than sharing your wisdom. I mean, thank you to everyone who shares. And that's why I try to share the stuff that really means a lot. And those teachers really gave me a lot and they made me a better student, a better teacher, a better human, and masterful in a lot of ways, which then always leads me into wanting to learn more and be better and study, study, study. And hence that's how the cycle continues. Student, teacher, master, student, teacher, master. So that's it. Uh grabbing the spoon. I'm

very grateful also. The other dedication for this episode is to the cast of friends, who not only always made me laugh and so many of us laugh, but who gave a lot of profound wisdom through their stories, their moments. Um I'm gonna find that essay. I want to reread it. And I want to again wrap with do you like yourself when you're alone? Are you showing up for yourself in the way that you're showing up in a classroom with a teacher you like and respect? You know, my life didn't really start to feel like deeply authentic and fulfilling until I realized that I was a much,

much better student to the teachers outside of me than to the teacher within me. To the master within me. I was actually not respecting the teacher within me as much as others respected the teacher that they received when they were in a class. And it was only when I really thought, you know what, I do respect myself as a teacher of me too, as a master, and I have to listen to that part of me, not the other little kid part that's freaking out. Kind of like when you don't want to do a hard assignment, you might not do it or argue with your teacher. I

was doing that within myself all the time. So I want you to also think who is that teacher within you, within your being, within your psyche? Who is the master within you? Because you have a higher self just like I do. Her name is Merrill, who I am renaming at the time to Trinity. I will do an episode later this season where we will dive into creating our inner crew. If you're familiar with internal family systems, uh, it's parts work. We are all so multi-dimensional. And I have a part of Tom with me that reminds me to live the stories and capture them and share them.

And Jerry, who reminds me to forget the lighting, be in the moment, capture the moment. And I have parts of me based on so many humans and so many things I've read and movies I've seen and um just interactions I've had. So cool to collect all of these and put them into use, not just when you're writing a paper for a good grade, or giving a speech to inspire, or recording a podcast, hoping the audience will appreciate it. But when you're just you with you and there's no camera and there's no one there to see it, do you like who you are? Do you respect who

you are? Because you can do that. It feels really good to love and respect yourself when you're just with you, because you will be with you. And uh, if this is a shock to you, then hold on. You will be with you for every second for the rest of your time here on earth. You will, that could either be an extremely interesting deep journey that's fun and exciting and terrifying but amazing, or it could just be a constant struggle and painful experience. And as someone who's been terrified to be alone because I couldn't be with the voices in my head, and I was so mean to

myself, I was beating myself up, I gotta say, loving myself, respecting myself, holding myself gently, with compassion, kindness, celebrating myself, teaching myself, forgiving myself. Well, let me tell you, I definitely enjoy that beingness more so than you know, any of us would probably enjoy a teacher who was just a total asshole. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So who do you gotta be when you're alone to uh really like yourself when you're alone? Because the more you find that way of being, the more I guarantee it'll be easier and better to be with you as another human being. People who just seem like comfortable in their

own skin, I've just always been really drawn to people like that. You know? You know what I mean? Okay. So how was that? Stories, moments, authenticity. How is it to listen with the energy and that lens of your favorite teacher? Here's your homework. Please do this one. This is gonna be a very important one. Uh reach out to that teacher, uh, whoever they are, if you haven't spoken to them in 10 years, that's fine. Because I hadn't spoken to Mr. Warden, Dr. Warden, in about 10 years. And one day when I was visiting Maryland, I was home, I thought, what if I just swing by my

old high school completely unannounced? Maybe he'll be there. Maybe I could just thank him. And I did. And I went there, shout out to JDS. And uh I showed up at the office and I said, Hey, um, is Dr. Warden still working here? And they're like, Yes, he's in class. I said, Oh my gosh, I'd love to um, I'd love to say hi. Maybe I can wait till he's done. And the few humans who were there that day, I still knew them. They remembered me. I mean, it's been about, I think, a decade at that point. But uh they said, no, no, no, let's just go.

You can go say hi, even if he's teaching. I'm like, okay. And we go to his class and we knock on the door. And when we open the door, he looks up and goes, Oh my God, Svet, I was just talking about you and your final project. I swear to God, I couldn't believe it, but I did believe it. I mean, that was amazing to be like, wow, the work I did stands out enough where you remember it, and I remember you. It was, it was really cool. So I have gotten to thank him, and it was incredible. And I thank him again, and I thank

Jerry Eisner, and I thank every teacher I've had. Uh, another one that just comes to mind is Coleman McCarthy. Uh, oh my god, Gosh-Langa. I just I've had so many, and again, I feel like I'm giving an acceptance um um speech for my Oscar that I'm just winning for this moment. But every teacher I've had has been really, really, really pivotal to me, being me. And I like me more today than I did. I don't like every part, but I love the parts of myself that struggle still with liking parts and people and things. You know what I mean? I think that's what it's really about.

So reach out to your teacher somehow. Thank them, tell them what they taught you, how it's impacted you. Uh see how they're doing. I have never, ever, ever had an experience where someone thanking me for an impact that I made has not landed with such sincere just gratitude. It feels so good and it's so rare that people tell us. So that's your homework. Thank a teacher that you've not thanked or not thanked in a while. Thank as many of those teachers in your life and uh share this podcast with them because you know what? It's dedicated to all the teachers. And I think we need to

celebrate our teachers a little more in this society. How about no, how about a lot more? It's the teachers that make students into masters, and may we all keep learning and grabbing the spoons of our life. Okay. Thanks for tuning in. Keep masterfully listening. I'll see you next time.