The Power of Disciplined Hearts and Habits - Self Love Redefined

Discipline. When you hear that word, how do you feel about it? We're gonna dive into that today. Episode seven, Master for Listening. Welcome back.

All right, so I don't know how the word or the concept of discipline lands with you. But I know that for me, uh trying to wrap my mind around what does it really mean to have discipline, to be a disciplined human being. Uh discipline has never been a strength of mine, according to the voices in my head. For so long, you know, I can definitely acknowledge uh the strengths that I've had. Like, for example, I would say, I'm a really creative person. I'm a really curious person, I'm a big picture thinker. But I've always said, yeah, but I'm not really disciplined. Similarly, I've said, well, I'm

not really committed. And yet when I started to reflect and masterfully listen to myself in order to see those limiting beliefs, but then also the more I looked at my life and what I've actually done and how I've done it, I realized, wait a minute, maybe I'm actually more disciplined than I thought. You know, the whole idea of masterful listening, and if you're tuning in for the first time, then welcome. I'll talk a little bit about what it means to be a masterful listener. And if you've tuned in prior, uh, this is episode seven of season two. I think it's like the 2021st episode. You've heard

me speak about this idea of masterful listening, and that it really all starts with first masterfully listening to your own internal dialogue. The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves create the foundation upon which we do everything, you know, how we collaborate with other people, how we show up. You know, if you're going through the world thinking and saying to yourself, I'm not disciplined, discipline is hard. Well, then discipline will continue to be hard, right? The language we use, the things we ingrain in ourselves as beliefs, they literally wire our subconscious. So if you keep saying that discipline is super hard, uh, you think it's gonna get

easier? Even if it gets better, it's still gonna feel hard. And that is not, in my experience, the best way to build any skill, including discipline. So today I'm gonna tell a story about how I've reframed this story of I'm not disciplined, and discipline is hard because reframing is super important. And when I say reframe, this is what I mean. Uh there's a lot of what I call toxic positivity out there, which is sort of this idea of, well, let's only focus on the good stuff and make everything positive. That's not what reframing is. Reframing is taking an idea or a concept or a way of

seeing something and literally switching your lens, not to like lie to yourself and say, well, no, this thing that's actually true is not the way it is. It's saying, hold on. So I have this story, for example, I am not disciplined, discipline is really hard, I can't be disciplined. And thinking, well, is there another way for me to look at that that's actually not only more accurate, but that's gonna set me up for success. So for me, instead of constantly saying, I'm not disciplined, it's so hard to be disciplined, I started saying, you know what? I am disciplined in some ways. And I could probably apply

that to the parts of my life where I haven't been as disciplined because I really want to be. It's the same thing that I say about listening. I'm inviting you to this world's first ever listening school, that's super rad, because I really do believe we can all grow and learn. And I really believe that listening is pivotal. Like I think everything is tied to listening. And if you're learning how to listen because you feel like you have to, because it's like the hot topic, that is not as effective as if you genuinely want to learn. So if you are trying to become more disciplined because people

have been telling you that you're not, or you've been telling yourself, but I gotta be. That is not the foundation that will set you up for a process of increasing discipline that's gonna feel nearly as good and effective as if you just get real with, you know what? Yeah, there's probably something to this whole discipline thing. You know, a lot of people, a lot of coaches talk about how you're basically your habits. The things that you do daily create your life. And if your habits are supportive, uh that means you have discipline around them. That means you're doing something every day, like flossing or taking, I

don't know, 15 minutes to slowly start your day. Or for me, it's cold plunging. That's a habit now. I'm on day, I think, 19 today of doing this every day. And that is discipline. And yet, while I can cold plunge every day, and I've even been flossing every day for the first time in my life recently, I haven't been able to apply that same discipline to, for example, cleaning my apartment. And that's what I'm gonna talk about today. I'm gonna share a vulnerable tale of how I just haven't been able to like snap. Gosh, I'm so sorry. I keep like, I have a little bit of

a cough, but what's it like to listen to that? Um, yeah, I'm gonna share a story about how challenging it's been for me to just get my place in order since I moved a few months ago. And it got to the point recently where I got really frustrated with myself. Like I got really down on myself. I'm like, wow, how can I be this great coach and do so much well, and then I can't get my space in order? Like, what is wrong with me? Hmm, not the most supportive place to start. And yet, sometimes when we hear that voice in our head that gets frustrated

and annoyed with ourselves, there's a little hint of goodness in that, in that it shows you what really matters. And for me, having a home that feels clean and spacious and energetically flowing is so important. And yet, why have I not been able to get this done? Well, because I'm human and we all have things that we do well, and we all have things that we don't. And also, I want you to consider this as you listen. And I'm gonna invite you to listen as always in a certain way. For some people, discipline is a part of their routine. However, just because something is a part

of what you do, how are you doing it? Are you enjoying the discipline or are you forcing the discipline? Because even that, for me, I gotta enjoy what I do. I have to. The way I finally started flossing is I put a note on my mirror that I see every morning that says, flossing is super sexy. Flossing is gonna make me so much money. Flossing is the new block. And I kind of really wanted to believe that this could be fun. And for the first time, I'm doing it, and it is more fun. I even started to enjoy the feeling of that. Like, wow, once my

mouth is all flossed, I do feel more sexy, I do feel more capable of making money, I do feel blah, blah, blah. So it's not just about me trying to encourage you to be disciplined and that you are probably, but I want you to also enjoy this awakening to the fact that whether discipline has been a part of your routine, but it's been like a push and uh and forceful, or you're someone like me who's struggled with implementing discipline. I think this can really serve everybody. So I am gonna dive into a story. And this story really starts with something I heard recently that I loved.

It's a quote, a mantra. I don't know where I heard it, but I've heard it on a few different uh platforms. I think it was a TikTok video originally, and it said something like discipline is the ultimate form of self-love. I'd never heard of that. To me, discipline and self-love are like on opposite sides of the spectrum, which is why I think I never wanted to dive deeper into the discipline. I've been way more interested in self-love. Self-love to me feels gentle and supportive, and discipline feels hard and just like a grind. And yet, is discipline the ultimate form of self-love? And could I see it

that way? But like really, you know, the whole act as if. I believe in that. Sometimes you got to say a bunch of things to yourself before you believe them. But if you could genuinely see the connection between discipline and self-love, wow, well, that's really shifting things for me. And that's what I'm gonna talk about today in the story. And that's what I want you to think about. And so, as you listen to me masterfully, please listen to my words, what I'm saying, how I'm saying it. If you're watching the video, what do you see today? What do you see in my energy? This is a

challenging topic for me. It's not as fun as some of the topics as I think you've potentially listened to yet. And yet it's so important because we gotta do the hard things. That is how our brains grow. And when we do hard things, like maybe develop a new habit from that discipline perspective, but we think about it through the self-love lens, they become less hard, they become more inspiring, they become more motivating, they become more confidence-building, and that's super cool. The other way I want to invite you to listen is with this lens of, and let's tune into this right now. Let's just take a breath.

And I want you to think about your relationship to discipline. How have you been disciplined in your life? Where have you lacked discipline in your life? How do you feel about even how the word discipline like lands with you? Is there a tightness in your chest around an area where you haven't had discipline, or is there excitement in your being around this idea of ooh, discipline could be fun, discipline could be easy, and I could be disciplined. Oh my God, am I? Just notice whatever energy you genuinely have around this topic. Because whether you're already disciplined but looking for a way to enjoy it more, or

whether you're not, or you think you're not, and you're looking for a way to be, awareness of where you're at is always the first step to improving anything. This is what I know from you know, 15 years of coaching humans. We first need to know where we're at. We need to see our blockers. Our blockers are usually stories, mindset around a topic. Blockers can also be actual real-world blockers, like maybe you have a financial block, maybe you have a location block, whatever the actual worldly blocks are, those are real and they're legitimate. However, it is going to be your mindset around those blocks that actually help

you, you know, knock down that wall so that you can flowfully enter into a new chapter of your relationship to discipline. But you can apply this to other things. It's not only about discipline. You can apply this way of thinking to, I'm not patient, I'm not organized, whatever. Discipline is just one example that I think so many of us struggle with. So my discipline story of the moment is super present because today is actually the first day that I have a professional organizer and feng shui master coming over to my house to work with me for four hours to help me get my house in order.

I am 38 years old and I have always had a similar experience of I have a lot of stuff and it's disorganized. Now I think there's a lot of truth to the fact that as a creative being who's also an artist who's making stuff all the time, I have a lot of supplies. I have a ton of pens. I make hats. I make shoes now, I do a bunch of different things. I have a lot of different things in my space. And I love having the things, but I also love when they're organized. And I gotta say, usually they're not. And I found a way to

even work within the mess, but I feel so much better when it's not messy, and yet I have had trouble getting my space neat, like literally my outward space. And you know, they say that your outward environment is sort of a testament to your inner world. So when you're working at a really messy desk, it could affect the way you're thinking clearly. Sometimes as an artist, when I'm, you know, painting something, I do love to have a bunch of paint everywhere. So there are, of course, examples of maybe where being perfectly organized isn't the thing you need. But in my case, I always feel better when

things are neat in their place, I know where they are. There's like nothing more frustrating for me where when I need to find something and I don't know where it is, and I'm searching for it, and then I'm frustrated. And then if I can't find it, but I need it, I then have to buy it again, and then I end up finding it. So, what does that do? Then I spend more money, I have more stress. So, this whole lack of discipline around just cleaning my space consistently has really been a pattern for me. And I know this is something others struggle with. So it's a

universal experience. So I also really want to normalize it. And, you know, I'm not even ashamed of it. Like there's a part of me that's like, oh my God, you're sharing that you're kind of messy sometimes. Yeah. Am I the only one? Can you be a little bit messy? You know what I mean? Like, we all have some place. We need help. And guess what? We need help. We're all social beings. Every great coach should have a coach. I can't do it all on my own. And in fact, when I get the right support, I always do everything better. I've had life coaches, business coaches, I've

had consultants, therapists, I've had so many people support me in all kinds of areas, but not in clearing my space. I've had friends help me with this. So I've kind of done this here and there, but I've never invested money, time, and energy to just start and finish a house organization project. I always in the past would get to like 90%. And then usually I would finally get my place in order because I was throwing a party and that would inspire me. I'm like, okay, if I'm having people over, I'm gonna do this by this point. But then what would always happen is I'd get to

some point where I was almost done, but then a bunch of like little things were left behind, and I'd shove them in a closet or shove them in a drawer, and then do I get to those? No, it builds and builds. And that was an annoying um pattern that I was seeing. I'm like, man, I never finish it. Also, not a great story, but true. So I thought, how do I actually find the discipline, the habit of first getting my space clean and then maintaining it? Because it's the maintenance and it's the sustainability of what we do that actually, I think, builds a much more effective,

fulfilling, enjoyful, enjoyful life, joyful life. You know, you got to sustain the stuff. I think everyone could do something one time, but can you keep doing it? Can you really make your home being neat? A commitment, something that's like, that is just the way it is. I'm committing and I'm gonna practice a little bit every day, which is really the best way to build a habit. I always say research shows there's a few different um types of research out there, meaning I've heard that it takes 21 days to build a habit. In my experience, it takes three. Because once I'm on day three of something, like

when I was on day three of cold plunging, there was no doubt in my mind I gotta keep going. Because I was like, I've already done three days. It's just more motivating. But how do you even get to those three days and then keep going? Well, for me, it was first admitting, okay, I need help here. I can't do this by myself because I'm looking at the fact that I moved at the end of September. It's January, meaning it's been what, October, November, December. It's been about three and a half months. And this has been at the top of my list. I talk about it, I

want to do it, and I haven't done it. So first I became aware of, you know what, I do need help. And then I had to process the feelings of I'm kind of disappointed that I couldn't do this alone. And then I thought, okay, you know what? Cool. When I'm a coach and people come to me with an issue, I'm not judging them. I'm like, good for you. You see an issue. Now what? And I always say, you know, when you have a big goal, like if you have a goal of I'm gonna, I'm gonna show myself that I could be disciplined and I'm gonna get

my house clean, even though I haven't been able to do it in the past. It's super important to once you get clear on it, to then ask yourself, okay, well, what really is blocking me without getting stuck in the why am I this way? Why? Why is great. But I could probably spend years in therapy trying to understand why. And while that does help, it is not gonna help me get my shit in order in the next two weeks, which is by the way, what I am going to do. I'm telling you right now, and I will make another episode on February 5th, because I met

with an organizer finally, and we came up with a plan, and my stomach hurt when I was doing this yesterday. Like I could feel my body struggling because cleaning my space for me is so much more than stuff. I have all kinds of stuff and I love my stuff, but at the end of the day, I don't care. Anyone who's been over to my house knows they usually leave with something. I love to gift people things. I love to give things away. I also love to have things, but I want to have them, have them be beautiful. I want to see all the clothes neatly on

a rack. I like when they're color coded. I used to have my bookshelf color coded, which was so cool because it was beautiful. So, first, I think my first blocker was that I was just assuming that discipline was boring and hard. And kind of like while I appreciate my both masculine and feminine traits, my more masculine side has often been like screaming at me, has been more tough. So, discipline to me was like this masculine. Quality. And I thought, well, that's my first block. Is that I didn't see discipline as self-care. What do I see as self-care? I see self-care as my slow, peacefully productive mornings

where I paint for an hour before I start my work. And I see self-love as making time to have a bath at the end of the day instead of cleaning my room. But what if both were self-love? What if self-love was actually me going, I am so gonna take that bath? But before that, because I committed, I'm gonna take a half an hour and I'm gonna put all this stuff away and I'm gonna enjoy it. I'm gonna put on my music. I'm gonna really know that I'm doing this great thing in a whole new way. Sometimes doing the same thing in a new way changes everything.

And why haven't I done that? Because to me, discipline wasn't self-love. Again, it was the story around it. So then I saw my block. My other block that I saw was that I am deeply emotionally connected to my stuff. Clothing. I go, oh my God, I bought this here on this trip and I really love this, or journals. I've I think I've written 30 journals in my life. You know, there was a moment where I actually tossed a bunch of them away just as a practice of letting go. And then I was like, why did I do that? Like we are all tied to our objects.

And while objects I think are not nearly as important as experiences or, you know, a lot of people are obsessed with the stuff they have. But first of all, if you really love your stuff so much, are you honoring it by taking care of it? Do you have a bunch of shit shoved in your closet or is it hanging in a way where it has some space? I kind of see objects as having energy too. If you have ever listened to Marie Kondo or a lot of organizers who help human beings, you know, sort through their stuff, which is, by the way, physical and emotional. Um,

it's really important to remember that the way you treat your things, like your clothes, is similar to the way you treat your mind, your thoughts, right? Are you shoving a bunch of shit in a closet that you don't want to deal with in your mind too? Or are you willing to open that closet door, go through each item as you go through each thought and go, hmm, is this serving me? Do I love this jacket? Do I love this story? And for me, then I go, okay, if I don't love the jacket, I got a few options. I could sell it, get rid of it, donate

it, or I could upcycle it. It's the same thing with our mind. And again, I always want to tie this to masterful listening. If you have a story, a thought that you notice that isn't one that's an instant, like, yes, I love it. Like if I see a jacket that I'm like, oh, I love it. I know I'm keeping it, cool, keep that. But if something else isn't landing, maybe it's time for me to just thank that jacket. And I do this with my things. Thank you so much. And thank you. Go, you can now go off to your next adventure, to goodwill. Someone else will

fall in love with you and and you know, create more memories with you. Thoughts are similar. If you have a thought that's just not serving you anymore, can you just thank it and release it? Let it go. You don't need that baggage, right? Or can I refurbish it? Can I upcycle it? Can I take that thought of I am so not disciplined and say, you know what? I'm gonna beautify it a little. I'm gonna make it a more supportive thought. I'm learning how to be better and better at discipline every day. That's like when you find an old jacket in your closet and you think, I'm

gonna cut it up, I'm gonna paint it, I'm gonna remake it into the version of me that I am now. Cause maybe I bought that jacket 10 years ago. Maybe you had a story from 10 years ago that actually did serve you, but it's not serving you anymore. So this is also very tied to this idea of I always connect everything metaphorically to my inner work. So when I see myself having like a mental struggle, an emotional struggle, I look at my outside life and I'm like, hmm, how does this connect to that? Because if I'm able to do the work that I do as a

mental wealth advocate, which I do, I think quite well, I see my thoughts, I feel my feelings, I know how to pause and look at them non-judgmentally way more than I used to. I'm still learning. And I do that so well. So then why can't I do that with my closet? Well, because it's a different task. It has different triggers associated with it, it has different stories, experiences. So then I thought, okay, if I can do this in my mind, if I could be disciplined with my cold plunge and with my mental reframing, I'm sure I could apply that to this house cleaning. But what am

I missing? I'm missing someone to help me. I need someone there with me who when I go, oh, I just I can't do this. And then I take a break, goes, no, we're gonna keep going. You got this. I need a coach. I need that coach in that moment. That's why I believe in this work I do, but you can't always coach yourself. Sometimes coaching yourself is really hard. So if I'm always telling you and others to get your own coach, I was like, it's about time I got this type of coach, an organizational coach that works with spaces and feng shui and energy, just like

I work with people's inner space. It's like I want to have one day a whole experience called redecorate your mind, right? Like, just like you would redecorate your space. You could redecorate your mind. And that's exactly what I'm doing. As I'm redecorating my home, I'm redecorating my mind as well, which means I'm shifting my story around, I am a disciplined human in all kinds of ways, and I'm about to become a more disciplined human so that as I redecorate my home and clear it, I'm redecorating my mind and clearing it. And that is so much more motivating for me and inspiring for me than oh God,

I gotta be disciplined and it's hard. So as I wrap up today, I kind of want to leave you with this question that is core of when you think of discipline in an area of your life where you haven't been able to quite snap into that, you know, really great habit of whatever it is for you, ask yourself how can I make this discipline self-loving? How can I remind myself that when I do this thing consistently, even when I don't want to do it, because that's where discipline shows up, right? It's not hard to do the things you really like to do all the time that

you do, like Netflix and chill. By the way, I'm all down for that, but that's not what we're talking about. But if you do Netflix and chill, if you have something you do in your life all the time, that's great. How can you apply that attitude or being to something you haven't enjoyed as much, but that you know you really want to do for your growth and success? Because I know once my home is clean, my mind will be more clean. By redecorating my outward space, I'm redecorating my inward space. And that's very exciting. So I hope this lands well with you because self-love is probably

the most important type of discipline we could have. Self-love will help us in every aspect of our life: professional, personal. I mean, there's there's no there's nothing that self-love won't help you enhance. And it's that discipline of loving yourself enough to do the harder things that bring you so much goodness that are gonna elevate your life, that I think will elevate my life. Last night a good friend of mine came over and she got in my cold plunge. Uh, she hasn't been a cold plunger. It was cold and windy and rainy. And I think I could tell she was a little nervous. And then when she

got in there, we were laughing, we were singing, we took a situation that required a lot of discipline to stay in that water. And she did it. And I did it because we made it fun. So consider what if discipline was fun? What if discipline was easier? What if discipline felt more self-loving, just like that bath you take or that glass of wine you have, whatever? Because it can be, it will be, but first you have to believe that it's possible. So, how are you feeling? Are you inspired? Are you motivated to find an area of your life you'd like to be more disciplined in? And

are you ready to redecorate your inner world, your outer world with inspiration and motivation? Or are you wanting to get stuck in that shit spiral of, oh, I can't change? Because you can. You can change, you can grow. But it really is honestly more effective if you really, really want to do it, even if it's hard. You can do hard things. I can do hard things. Imagine a moment where you really are a human being who's like, whoa, I have this thing I gotta do that I've actually struggled with in the past, but now I'm gonna have a new experience of it. How cool is that?

So, your homework is again, look at your life, see a place where you have been disciplined. Even if the discipline is I've been having three drinks a week every week for the past 10 years. Cool. That's actually a certain type of discipline. And how do I apply that to, I don't know, organizing your calendar or putting away your laundry or whatever else, having one-on-ones with your direct report. Huh. That's a really great place to, by the way, be disciplined because it's the number one factor in um developing relationships and helping people succeed. Discipline could be hard in that way that you're like, oh, I don't want

to do it. Or it could be more enjoyable. Yeah? You down for that? Try that on. See how it goes. Let me know. Uh, by the way, subscribe, share, write to me, write a review about how this episode helped you reframe your experience of discipline, helped you redecorate maybe your home, like me. Maybe it helped you redecorate your mind with some uh higher vibrational beliefs, not from a place of toxic positivity, but from a place of authenticity, getting real with yourself and realizing that when you shift your stories, you shift your life. And that's great because we can all grow and evolve. Thank goodness. But you

gotta masterfully listen.

Have a great time redecorating your inner and outer worlds, my friends. I'll see you next time.