The Confidence Revolution: How to Liberate Yourself from a Lifetime of Body Insecurities

So I want you to ask yourself the last time you looked in the mirror, what would you say about yourself? And what did you even look at? Was it something kind? Yeah. Or did you find something to criticize? Yeah, we're gonna dive into what it means to truly discover our most radiant and beautiful selves. So this is for anyone who struggled with body image and self-love. Welcome back to school.

All right, masterful listener, welcome back. I've said this before, and I'm probably gonna say it a lot in future episodes as well. But uh yeah, we're gonna find what we're looking for in life. So if we're looking for flaws, we're gonna find the flaws. Oh boy. Yeah, the power of our focus. Damn. I mean, it is so strong. A few months ago, I was noticing when I was putting on my makeup that no matter what I did, my nose looked a bit more red than the rest of my face. So finally I was super frustrated and I went to the makeup counter at Nordstrom's and there

was a super cool uh guy there. I I think it was Chanel, doesn't matter, but I said, Hey, look at my face. Do you see what's like really frustrating or like what's off? And he looked at me like super genuinely and was like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I said, Look at my red nose. And he kind of looked at me very lovingly and goes, Hey, come here. We walked over to the mirror and he goes, Okay, I want you to look at your face, but I don't want you to look at your nose. I just want you to look at your whole

face. Kind of zoom out and look at the whole face. And I said, Okay. And I did. And he goes, Do you see the red nose? And I didn't. He said, Yeah, you're the only one that's noticing that red nose. I didn't notice it until you pointed it out to me. And even then, yeah, it was maybe a little bit red, but I would have never seen that. And yet that is all I was seeing. So yeah, I really realized that. I thought, damn, I'm always looking for that red spot, you know, the one blemish you have. Or for me, it was, you know, uh, see

my arm. It's a it's it's that little, it's that fat on my arm, or the cellulite on my legs. Oh if only I lost 10 pounds, then I would be beautiful, then I'll feel comfortable. This was what I told myself since I was probably 13 years old. Can you relate to this? Are you exhausted by this? Because I was exhausted, and I gotta say, my body image, my confidence, this has shifted deeply. I'd say in the last five years. I'm 38 years old. So I spent decades looking at all the flaws and feeling real crappy about my body, no matter how many people complimented me. And

I got a lot of compliments my whole life on my hair, my style, my clothes. And they did land, but I still thought, yeah, but if I wasn't so heavy, if I was like, I would look at, you know, some of these girls that I would see who were like uber athletic and they wore short shorts, and I just thought I could never do that. Like, look at my legs when my relationships didn't work out. You know what I said every time? It's because I'm fat. And you know what the thing is? Let's say somebody really did think that I was not the perfect body type

that they liked. Do I want to be with someone like that? Like, really, do you want to be with someone who first is attracted to you just based on your body? Our bodies change all the time. Literally, every seven years, your skin completely regenerates. We can lose weight and gain weight. We can change the color of our hair. We could pretty much completely change everything about our outward appearance. And yet I've found that I'm not gonna say, you know, oh, it's only what's on the inside that counts, because I don't think that's true. I love beauty, I love to feel beautiful, I love to feel that

someone else thinks I'm beautiful. But I can tell you that if I'm having a crap day where all I see is my flaws, I could get 20 compliments and I don't give a shit. I still feel bad. But if I'm having a day where I feel fabulous and I love what I'm wearing and I'm comfortable in my skin and no one says anything about me, how I look, it doesn't matter. It was never for me about the guy or anyone else finding me beautiful. I wanted to feel good in my skin. So that's what we're gonna dive into today. I'm gonna share my journey with body

image. Uh, I have never really shared so deeply publicly about this, uh, because it's been my biggest insecurity. And a lot of people see me as very confident, and I actually am and I was, but this was still the thing that I was always uncomfortable with, like truly. In fact, for most of my life, when I walked past a mirror, I wouldn't look at it. I wouldn't look at it because when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, the thoughts in my head were always critical. I always found something not to like. And I don't know about you, but it's exhausting feeling that way

all the time. It's draining. And what was I doing? I was listening to that voice. And you know, we're at the world's first super rad listening school right now. So today we're gonna dive into what does it mean to masterfully listen to yourself, but your loving self, your self that's healthy and wants to be healthy and vibrant, but not from a place of there's something wrong with me and I need to change. But wow, this is me. I love that I have a body. Our body is our temple. We live in it. And I have a preference. You know, you probably like your body at a

certain shape, weight, form. So do I. So wanting to lose weight or gain weight or gain muscle or this or that, that's not bad. I don't want to make that bad. I really think it's really important to not go, you know, super far off the other deep end of, oh, well, who cares about physical features? I do, you do, that's okay. But it's the experience of that that matters much more. Okay, so as you listen today, as in every episode, I'm inviting you to masterfully listen through the lens of compassion and inspiration. Because I mean this. I love myself more today than ever. Like I'm wearing

right now a tube top. I'm showing my arms. I was so uncomfortable doing that for the longest time. And I'm not uncomfortable anymore. I wear short shorts and I still don't love my legs. I don't, but I appreciate them and I appreciate me for appreciating my body because it's healthy, it feels good, I'm stronger than I've ever been. I'm also probably heavier than I was most of my life. I weigh about 200 pounds. And honestly, growing up, if I thought of a 200-pound human, I thought that was massively heavy, especially for a woman. I'm 5'5, I'm pretty short. And I look at photos now of myself

when I was in high school and in my 20s, where I was so concerned about my weight, how I looked, was I thin? And it's so wild because I always felt like I was fat and I wasn't. Like literally, I was a size maybe six to 10. I'm like a size 12, maybe 14. I mean, I've lost like 30 pounds this past year, funny enough, because I wasn't trying to. I think my weight melted off because so much of my weight was because I was emotionally eating. I wasn't eating when I was hungry. I was eating because I was stressed. And why was I stressed? Because

I was freaking out about myself in some way. I I was just, I wasn't eating because I enjoyed food and oh, I love food. So that's another thing. I think the thing I'm most grateful for is that I've been able to truly redesign the relationship I have with food. I eat whatever I want, but I'm able to like take out a bag of chips and have a handful now. I'm not shoving them all in my mouth because I'm stressed. I'm like, am I hungry? Okay, what do I want? If I want ice cream, I'm gonna eat that real fatty ice cream. I'm not gonna eat a

bunch of crap that's sugar-free and fat-free that I don't really like. I'm gonna satiate myself from a place of love because I deserve to eat what I want. So do you. As long as you're healthy. And by the way, only you determine that. I think on every like BMI chart, I'm like considered obese. And I am not. I don't feel that way. I have great energy, I feel strong, I'm super muscular. So be careful looking at what society says is healthy because I would say our society is sick. Most people are sick. Most people I know who are thinner than me and more fit than me

are more insecure as well. You gotta do the inner work because if you don't, you will never be thin enough and beautiful enough and this enough or that enough. But you are enough. You are more than enough. You are so radiant and beautiful that I think if you truly saw yourself the way that someone who loves you and adores you sees you, you would fucking cry. I mean, really. Yeah. We are obsessed with the outer world, with what people think, with what the magazines show. I was watching the uh SAG awards last night. I I still kind of love watching award shows for the fashion because

I love fashion. And I gotta say, there's a lot more representation these days than when I was in high school 20 years ago of people of all different body shapes and sizes. So that's cool. And yet, still notice how there's been this whole like obsession with Ozempic recently. And what do people always notice right away about someone in the public eye? Like when Adele lost all that weight, or recently Kelly Clarkson, which by the way, they've been beautiful all along. Beauty really does come in all shapes and sizes, but it's suddenly like, oh my God, tell us about your weight loss journey. That's like the first

thing. So is that the first thing you want to be focused on? Not me. It's exhausting. Okay. So listen compassionately because I'm sure you've had your own issues. Maybe it's not even weight. Maybe it's how tall you are, maybe it's your hair, maybe it's your skin. We all got something. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm gonna share some stories. I'm also gonna share some tools that have helped me truly gain confidence and love in a way I'm so grateful that I discovered that, and I'm only in my 30s. Like, I really do believe that I am the most beautiful that I've ever been, and I

will continue to be. Because, yeah, maybe our metabolisms slow down, but as you do the inner work, our minds are so in control of our bodies. Like, I really feel like I was holding on to a lot of weight for protection, literally energetically. Because also, you know, there's a uh uh there's a downside to being this like beautiful, gorgeous woman. Think about it. Uh, you get a lot of attention. There's definitely a bias around that. And I I got to a point at some point where I didn't want any attention. I got to a point, uh, when was this? This was probably, I think I was

around 30-ish, where I had put on so much weight. I probably had gained 50 pounds over five years. And I said, you know what? I am the heaviest I've ever been. I'm gonna shave my head. Because I I thought at least I have my hair. I always had this long red hair. And I did love it, although that's been a whole other journey of I never loved it as much as others did. I always straightened it, even though it was naturally curly, and everyone when I wore it natural was like, wow, but I didn't like it. You know, grass is always greener, kind of thing. And

yet the grass is greener where where you water it. And I wasn't watering the seed of self-love, I was watering comparison. And if I kept comparing myself, I would have been in despair for the rest of my life, and so will you, because someone will always be thinner and fitter and richer and smarter. But you know how many people look at you and think, damn, I wish I had that or this. So why don't you start looking at yourself and go, damn, wow, look at this. Look at my beautiful eyes, look at my beautiful heart. Nothing more beautiful than that, really. Think about when you've met

a super hot person and they just got nothing but that. Nope. That's not how I want to be. So here's how the story will begin. I actually remember this one moment where I realized, whoa, perception and like how I see myself is is just so not only inaccurate, because I don't know if it's inaccurate, maybe it's not the right word, but I was in a Zumba class. I was a Zumba instructor at some point when I was in my early 20s. I loved to dance and I wanted to be fit. And a few years later, I was in a class and I was feeling gross. I

was just, I felt really overweight. I felt like I couldn't dance as the way I liked. And the whole class, all I was thinking when I saw myself in the mirror was just like, whoof. And after class, I went into the bathroom, and as I was washing my hands, there was another girl next to me, and she goes, Hey, um, I hope this isn't weird, but I just wanted to tell you, I was watching you dance, and like, you are so beautiful. Your body is amazing. And I just was looking at you thinking, man, I I wish I had her body. I swear to God, I

just stood there looking at her, looking at me, thinking, wow, really? I just spent an hour criticizing myself, and you were looking at me as like, man, I wish I looked like her. And you know what I thought? I thought, man, I wish I thought like her. And that was just this moment of, okay, I want to see the stuff I like. And I'm allowed to have preferences, you know. If I want to look a certain way, which I do, like my perfect body weight, just looking at my whole life, is about 170 pounds. That's still pretty heavy, I'd say, for most women. Like to me,

when I see a celebrity or someone I admire, not just for how they look, but for who they are, is pink. I think I read in an interview somewhere that she weighs about 165, 70 pounds. And damn, when I see that woman, I'm like, oh, that's she's just so beautiful. She's so strong. I see the muscles and oh, I just, and she's always had this like the the short hair and the the mohawk. And when I um I mentioned when I was about 30 and I shaved my head, I had a bit of a mohawk and I was heavier. I ended up meeting this beautiful guy.

I mean, he was like the epitome of who I consider gorgeous. He was kind of like an aquaman type of guy, super tall, really long hair, gorgeous, muscular fit. And he just thought I was the most attractive human he'd ever met. He just kept saying, Oh, I love your body. And I was like, Really? Now I got no long hair. I'm heavier than I've ever been. And I just thought, yeah, it's really not about what I look like. It is about so much more than that. Or maybe it is what I look like, but like, who's to say that that is not super hot? Well, you,

me. I was saying that. So that was a cool thing. I thought, okay, well, I've attracted a person who I find super beautiful. He finds me super beautiful. That felt really good, but still, I didn't want it to be about him or anybody. I wanted to be so confident. I wanted to be confident like this one girl I met. Shout out to Julia. Maybe you'll hear this, maybe I'll send it to you. Julia is a beautiful woman who I met years ago in Germany. I had flown to Köln, Köln, Köln for my dear friend Jan, uh Jan's wedding. Hi, Jan. If you're listening, I love you.

And I met his really good friend Marco, and Marco had a girlfriend, Julia, at the time. And so me and Julia really clicked. She's beautiful. She, I mean, she was beautiful in every way. And her and I went shopping one day, and we were looking at some clothes, and she picked up like a shirt in two sizes, and she goes, I don't know if I'm a L or an M. She didn't say large or medium. She literally just said L or M. Like she didn't care. She just wasn't sure. And I just thought, oh my God, she's not even comparing if she's a bigger size or

a smaller size. It was just a letter on a shirt. I remember that moment. I remember watching the movie Monster in Law with Jennifer Lopez at some point. She was, by the way, that's a great movie if you haven't seen it. This is so funny, so great. And I've always liked J-Lo for, I mean, a lot of reasons. She's just like, she's she's a badass, you know, and she's still just absolutely beautiful. She's always been beautiful, but she's always kind of had like a uh more curvy uh figure. She's been known for that. And in the movie, she's ordering food with her uh mother-in-law, Jane Fonda,

also, oh gorgeous woman in so many ways, powerful. She's oh my god, look at what she looks like. And how old she is. I think what is she in her late 70s, 80s, or just like, wow. And Jane Fonda says something to her, like, are you sure you want to eat that burger? Isn't your like, don't you have to fit into your wedding dress? And JLo goes, uh, I'm making my dress to fit my body, not the other way around. Mic drop. Fuck yeah, love that. So also let's just bust this myth seriously that as we get older we gain weight and our metabolism slows. Because

even if scientifically that is true, which I believe it might be true, yeah, um, you can boost your metabolism, A. And also, why do you need to look like a a teenager? Like, why do you need to look thin? Ask like, have you asked yourself that? Why am I trying to be at a certain weight? And if the answer is because that is where I'm really comfortable, awesome. But if it's because that is what I've thought I should be, or that's what I was when I was in my 20s, uh yeah, no. I mean, if I could. Like I'm about 200 pounds now. Yeah, and I'm

gonna lose the other 70. I know it because I'm not even trying to. I just know that if I keep doing what I'm doing, which is my electric muscle stimulation and my walks with Rad and enjoying food and not eating when I'm stressed, but eating when I'm hungry, that is just gonna melt off because I think that our perfect weight is actually searching for us just as much as we are searching for it. But it's kind of like when you're looking for a partner or you're going on a job interview and you're desperate, people can feel that. I feel like our body holds on to weight

more, especially when we're so mean to our body. Our cells can feel that. Have you seen those experiments where they take like uh cups of water and you talk to the water? Like you're healthy, you're beautiful, or oh, you suck, or plants like the water turns gross. The plants die when you're mean to them. When you are beating the shit out of yourself your whole life, even if you look super hot, you're still gonna feel like crap. My whole life, people complimented me on my style and my clothes and my hair. And it was really nice and I enjoyed it. I appreciated it. But the the

compliment that I've loved the most, that I still love the most, is and I've I have gotten this quite a bit, is you look like a walking piece of art. God, your energy is so radiant, and that always lands so beautifully because that speaks to my soul. I do love beauty, color, makeup, clothes. To me, it's always just like a form of expression. Um, but no matter what people said or how often they said really positive things to me, my own voice was always finding something wrong. I simply was not comfortable in my body. And I think last year I had this moment where something really

shifted. I had been feeling kind of crappy. I I'd probably wait about 220 at that point. I'd gone through a depression. I gained a bunch of weight, I was sad. And then, you know, when I put on more weight and I was more sad, then I just kept putting on more weight and I didn't have as much motivation to do anything because it was like, well, fuck it. Now this is just gonna be this way. My cholesterol was high, my sugar was high. So I was also like kind of concerned because we have some diabetes in my family, and I was like, okay, well, I'm not

trying to get like super sick, but I was on the edge of like some severe health issues. But I kind of was in denial. I was like, oh, well, it's fine. I started buying all these really bigger clothes, but I wasn't doing it from a place of love. I was just like, okay, well, I just want to cover up, I want to hide. And then I was with some friends who I love, who by the way, always tell me how beautiful I am, and they mean it. They mean it. Um, my partner, Jonathan, my cosmic hubby, he said something to me a while ago where I

was complaining about, oh my God, I'm so fat, I'm so fat. And he's like, Svet, you are. And I was like, huh? He's like, you are fat. So what? It was so interesting. He wasn't like, no, you're not. He's like, yeah, you are, but like, what's wrong with being fat? And I was like, whoa, we do shame that, right? Why? What's wrong with being fatter or thinner or curvier or whatever? Uh it's only wrong because we make it wrong. And also, I'm not condoning being so obese that like you can't move or walk or live your life. I think that's just unhealthy. So I actually don't

want to say that it doesn't matter what you weigh, but I don't, I just want to say if all you're looking at is a number on a scale, I think that's dangerous. It's okay if it's one part of what you're looking at, but also how often has the fact that you're like, oh, I have to get an extra large or oh, I have to get this size made you judge yourself. So I was with these two friends. We were having a real fun day, and my friend Anya snapped a photo of me, and it was just a crappy photo. Okay, it was just a bad angle.

I've learned through the years how to photograph myself super well. I'm kind of a selfie queen because I was always with myself and I'm a photographer. So I knew how to also make myself look better. But she snapped a photo where I looked so bad for for like the angle was weird. It was just a crappy photo. But when I saw myself, we were all laughing at it because it was just such a bad photo. But I literally I didn't recognize myself, and it made me really sad, actually. Like I got really sad, I just got really quiet and I was like, wow. Like what happened?

And I knew I'd gained weight, but I didn't realize how much weight I gained and how I didn't look like me anymore. And something shifted there where I thought, you know what? I I want to see a photo of myself and know it's me. Whether it's a bigger me or a smaller me or a done up me or a super natural, you know, no makeup type of look, which by the way, I love. I love it all. It's cool. There's just different looks for different feelings and days and occasions. But I thought, okay, from now on, when I buy those bigger clothes, I'm gonna buy them

because I like them. And I'm gonna stop fucking looking at sizes. And I literally started buying like plus sized clothes. Like, I mean, I was probably like a size, let's say 14. I started buying size 16, 18, 20, 22. I would just get bigger stuff that I liked. I would then cut it up, I would change it, and I probably haven't looked at sizes in over a year and a half. And what's so funny is that I was also learning how to sew, and I thought, okay, cool. I'd been waiting, I'd had like tons of clothes that I've held on to through the years because I

really love them, but they didn't fit. And I was always like, oh, this is like my box of shit I'm gonna wear when I get skinny. And I was like, uh-uh, I'm gonna re-sow those clothes. I'm gonna make them bigger. I don't wanna wait anymore. I wanna wear them now. What if I don't lose 70 pounds? I don't even know if I wanted to anymore. I started embracing my size more, the less I cared about the like tag on the clothes, and the more like, do I like this thing? I thought I was, again, gonna have to make all my clothes bigger. And then with how

my year went and with all this work I've been doing, I'm gonna share a bunch of tools that have really helped me find like a deep acceptance and like a real comfort in my body. There's like nothing more awesome than being comfortable in your own skin. So as I've discovered that and as I've found my routines that work for me, my self-care routines, my workout routines, my eating routines, I lost so much weight. I swear I wasn't trying to, and I really mean it. It was funny that instead of having to make my clothes bigger, I've now had to make all my clothes smaller. Like I

moved six months ago, and as I've been unpacking, I've been trying stuff on and it's all falling off. I was like, holy shit, this is so crazy! And of course it felt nice, but it was almost like, wow, that's ironic. There we go. I accepted that I was bigger. I accepted that actually I'm okay with that. I really want to love myself in any form. I thought if I ever had kids one day, I'll probably gain weight. As I get older, I might gain weight. Life gets hard, I might gain weight. So who cares? I did. But it was so ironic that now not only have

I had to make my clothes smaller, but as I was shopping for clothes, I got accustomed to buying like XXXL. And then I was ordering clothes, and I think some part of me didn't catch up with how much weight I'd lost because I hadn't weighed myself. I can kind of feel it. But mostly I felt that my knee stopped hurting. I had more energy and I was like, cool, I think I lost some weight. And I got on a scale, and I dropped like 26 pounds or something in a few months, and all the clothes I was buying were massive. So I had to be like,

oh my God. Like I bought something the other day that was a medium, and I was like, that's funny, but I didn't care. I wasn't like, ah, finally, it I honestly don't give a shit. I just like the stuff I like. I like what's comfortable. God, I used to squeeze into stuff that was smaller because I wanted to just wear a smaller size. Oh my God. And then I would like not be able to breathe in my jeans. No. Yeah, no, no, no, no, not for me. If you if you're into that, cool. Some people also love wearing like super high heels and being uncomfortable. Nope.

I don't do that either. Comfort and beauty, yes, both, right? So uh I share that because I think my weight also melted off because it was supposed to. I was heavier than I should have been for my body. Everybody has their own bone structure, just body shape. And instead of trying to fit into someone else's clothes, literally, or size, what is your best shape, weight, uh, routine? What works for you? Like I've never liked running. So I wasn't about to do a bunch of cardio in that form that I hated. I love to dance. When I go salsa dancing as I'm going at night and I

dance for an hour, I am drenched in sweat. That is fun to me. I don't think I'm working out, I'm having fun and I'm getting fit. Hell yeah, hell yeah. You know? Oh, and it feels so good to move your body, right? Like I love being in my body. I love feeling strong, but I do not love working out because I'm trying to get thin. I don't do that. I work out because I like to be strong. And that's actually part of my tools that I'm gonna share with you right now. When I exercise, I think about health, not about size. And I still have some

goals in mind. Like I do have a goal. I have this one gorgeous leather diesel jacket that was like so expensive and I love it. I do want to wear that. I can't really resow that. So I do have this goal of wow, if I keep doing what I'm doing, how cool would it be to wear that jacket again? So I think it's fine to have an item in my closet that, you know, I'd love to wear again. And that could be a piece of it, but I'm not doing it because there's something wrong with my weight now. I'm doing it because I have a preference

and I do think I'm allowed to, as you are allowed to. But I'm I'm done beating myself up. I'm done. It it first of all doesn't work, it's not effective. And even if it does work, uh, you feel like crap, that doesn't work for me. Then everything else suffers. No. Our thoughts are so powerful, guys. You gotta masterfully listen to the loving thoughts. And doesn't mean you can't listen to the more hardcore ones. Like I had some thoughts when I saw that my cholesterol was super high that were like, Whoa, this is really bad. You gotta do something about it. Yeah, I I should have listened

to that, and I did, but then the thoughts that was like, why did you do this? You suck. You know what those thoughts led to? Me eating a tub of ice cream. Whereas when I'm like, wow, okay, here's where I'm at, I don't love this. I forgive myself. I had a really rough couple of months. I ate more than I was supposed to. Okay, what do I do now to shift gears? It was a more loving conversation. So the first tool I want to share, and and I did do this quite a bit, is when you go into your bathroom and you look at yourself in

the mirror and you shower, I invite you to first really take a few minutes, get naked and look at yourself in the mirror. Most people can not do this. Look at yourself. Look at your face, look at your neck, look at your chest, look at your arms. If you have a full-length mirror, cool. Get naked, see yourself, see where you are now, but just look. Give yourself the gift of just seeing what is. And I do this in the shower. I will look at myself and then I'll get in the shower and I will literally like get a loofah, get some really nice um body wash.

And as I scrub my body, I go, thank you, arms. You're so strong. You help me hold things, you help me make my hat. Thank you, skin. Thank you, face. Like I thank every organ in my body, every part of my body. I just say thank you, thank you, thank you. I did this thing where I would grab my belly. I'm doing it right now, and I go, oh, thank you so much. You're so cozy, you're keeping me warm. You know, you feel nice to touch. I'll just lay sometimes when I watch TV and just hold like the roll on my belly. And I'm like, I

love you. And I do. I'm just I'm treating myself like I would treat my best friend or a child that I had that was like, oh, maybe I'm a little chubby. Okay, so it's cool. Who doesn't love a little extra love? You know, more to hold for real. So that's the first thing. Do some mirror work, do some shower work. If it's too much to look at yourself in the mirror, which it might be, that's okay. Don't force it. But tell your body you appreciate it. It's like imagine there was a person in your life who you wanted to evolve, and all you did was just

complain to them about how shitty they are. Do you think they'd be inspired to shift? Our body hears us, our cells hear us. I'm telling you, this might be more on the woo side of the spectrum, but like quantum physics shows this too, the law of attraction. If you keep thinking, oh, this is so gross, do you honestly think it's gonna get less gross or more beautiful? No, that's just what you're feeding. So try to do some mirror work, get in the shower, love yourself up. The other thing is when you go shopping, if you have been someone like me who's been obsessed with, oh my

God, now I'm this size, go ahead and buy the bigger size. Just do it. Buy the bigger size, put it on and see that it's comfortable. You can breathe, play around, be uncomfortable in it. And then ask yourself, why does the size matter? Don't I want to just feel good in my clothes? Okay, that's something I started to do. Also, put on something that's always made you uncomfortable. Like for me, shorts. I always wanted to wear shorts. I never wore shorts because I really like my legs, they are still probably my least favorite part of my body. And I love them a lot more now because

I wear short shorts and short skirts all the time. I see my uh my cellulite and I'm like, thank you, legs. I love you, and I'm probably gonna love you even more. But I'm not gonna not wear something I've always wanted to wear because it doesn't look great. Who else do you think is staring at your legs? Probably not a lot of people thinking, oh, and even if they are, you know what? If anyone sees you and sees a physical part of you that for some reason they're like judging, you do realize that's not about you, right? It's because that person probably hasn't done this work.

And let's not judge those people. We can have compassion for them. I know what that's like. But the people who are constantly looking at others and talking shit, that's just their own stuff. It really is. So fuck them. Let's send them love. And uh maybe they'll hear this and realize that instead of looking outward and finding something wrong, and frankly, instead of looking inward and doing that, look inward and go, hmm, clearly I have an issue around this thing. What can I do to look at me and stop looking at everybody else and comparing, making myself feel better in either way? You know what I mean?

You can make yourself feel better by going, oh, well, at least I'm not like that. And is that really the energy you want? Or you can also make yourself feel worse by going, oh God, look at her. I could never look like that. That's probably not even true. However, you look right now, you could probably look however you want to look if you really truly put in the work. And I guarantee you'd get there faster if you did it because you're like excited and motivated and not because you're like, oh, I'll only be happy when it is a trap. No, you won't. You won't. Sorry. You're

not gonna be happy when. Because even if you lose the weight and you're at that goal, that's cool. Actually celebrate that. But I guarantee there'll be something else at that point that you're like, well, now that I did this, now I want this thing. And you know, I'm a coach. If you've listened before, I'm not saying don't go after the things that you want, but don't keep waiting to be happy or satisfied until you get the thing, because that really is a trap. There will always be another thing. But in this moment, there's things you can do to just feel better. Maybe not great, you can

feel better. So let's say you want to hire a trainer. Also, great idea. When I work out with someone, I always do better. I get I get pushed. Hire a trainer who looks like and feels like you want to feel. Like whenever I've hired a trainer, I've also found that I I work better with female trainers because if I've worked with a guy, because I'm straight and I was always kind of like thinking about, well, how do the men see me? I was always kind of thinking too much about the guy. Well, what does he think about my body? When I work with women, I feel

more comfortable. And also, I had two trainers. I have the one I have now and my previous one, shout out to Denise and Justine. And they're so hot. Literally, I like their body. I saw they were strong. They're they look like in my perfect world. If I had this perfect physique, that is what it looks like. So that makes sense, right? So have someone help you who is who you want to be kind of, or in the best version of you, that's what you would look like. Again, aspirational, not oh, why don't I look like them? Because you don't. Um, but also not just look-wise. Do

they have the energy around weight loss that you have? Like Denise would always be like, Oh, I love your butt. I want my butt to be bigger too. And I'm like, Cool, it made me feel good. Um, my trainer now, God, so gorgeous, so strong. She is not what I consider skinny. And she probably wouldn't consider herself skinny either. But I'm not trying to be thin. I'm trying to be freaking strong and love myself. And she is that person too. So work with someone who, like, you see, and you're like, whoa, yes, that is, I like that. That is great. That is something I can work

towards. And I want you to start really paying attention to your eating. Next time you're getting ready to put something in your mouth, ask yourself, why am I eating this? Am I hungry? Tune into your body. And when you eat, if you can and you're willing to, make it a meditation. Don't do anything else when you're eating. Just sit down with your food, taste every bite, feel the flavor. And also, I really suggest eat whatever the hell you want. Dieting, I don't like diets. I feel like even if they work, then you gain the weight back and then you're kind of miserable. Now, if you want

to do like a fast here or there or cleanse, cool. But I know people who are always fasting and always cleansing and always on this health kick, and they're honestly not very healthy. So that doesn't work for me. I don't like when things are too strict. It just makes me want to rebel and then I get off the diet and I'm like, no. So just if you could have a more mindful eating experience, I'm working on this as well because I usually like sit on my couch and eat and watch TV. It's just I end up eating more. I'm not even paying attention. I'm eating past

when I'm hungry. That obviously is gonna add on weight. So if you're someone who's trying to lose weight and you start mindfully eating, that is just a very simple way to just be mindful of your calories, right? And remember, in some way, your body is very smart. I think our bodies do protect us from all kinds of things. And uh I was trying to energetically protect myself, I think, with weight, because I'm so emotional and I'm an empath, and I can feel that in some way it was like a bigger barrier. So do your inner work, whether it's therapy or coaching or whatever, get to the

root of those insecurities. Get to the root of why are you really trying to be thin? Do you not feel you're lovable or deserving of love unless you look a certain way? Because once you really heal that more, your body will release that extra protection. Protection. Right. I realize I even said to my body at some point, thank you so much for protecting me, but I don't need it anymore. I'm good. I'm I'm I'm safe. I got myself. And that's when the weight started practically like melting off without me doing anything else. And I'm telling you, this is the truth. Our cells can feel our thoughts,

our bodies can feel our thoughts. Okay. You are so powerful. And also own, yeah, it is your fault that you are where you are, but not in like a blaming way. You are responsible. No one else is responsible for your body. Take responsibility. Wherever you're at, that's okay. Look at yourself and go, you know what? I might not love this form I'm in, but I accept it. I did this. And if you did this, if you gained the weight, you can sure as hell lose it. If you can go up, you can go down. That's just science. At the end of the day, you move more,

you burn more calories, you eat healthier. It's not rocket science. It's just not always easy to do those simple things that we know, right? So I don't want to say this is easy, but I want to tell you it's possible because I feel so much better in my body now, and I wish that for you, really. So as I start to close, I want you to really, the next time you look in the mirror, look for the good. If you see the flaw, go, okay, I see you. I love you anyway. I love you, flaw. I love you, shape of my nose. I love you, wrinkle,

pimple, whatever, red nose. I love you, extra weight on my arm. Okay. Yeah, thank you. You're keeping me warmer. And I don't need you anymore. I'm cool. Thank you for your service. And let's uh work out a little more and tone that up because I like that. You're allowed to have preferences. So uh get super hot and fit if you want, if that's what you really want, but enjoy it, experience it in a loving way, not in a I'm gonna beat myself up and just be really strict, but like not in a fun way. If you're strict with your diet, but you like it, cool, all

the power to you. I haven't met many people like that. Um, make it fun, make it enjoyable. Stop waiting to be happy until you are a certain weight because you might not never ever be that weight. What if you could be happier now? What if you could be happier next week? Plus, when you start loving yourself more and like seeing the things you appreciate, you like we often have body dysmorphia. I really think in my 20s, I didn't see myself normally because when I see those photos now, the cover of this episode is me when I was 16. I was so thin. I'm sitting there, I

look kind of sad. The other one is of me in my 20s also thinking I was fat. Literally, I'm probably about 40 pounds lighter, maybe 50 or 16. The first one. Oh my God, I so wasn't overweight, like at all. Now I'm still considered, I think, overweight, and I am so much more comfortable. So it is not the number, it is the perception of the number. Okay. Also, other thing I want to say, I would invite you to do uh find your favorite outfit and uh wear it at home for yourself. Put on makeup for you. Forget rules. I break all the fashion rules. And I'm

a stylist. Break the rules, have fun, get naked and dance around your house. Just get in your body. Thank your body, however, it is. If it's put on a ton of weight, say thank you so much for carrying all this extra weight. How cool. Um, and I'm so sorry if my body hurts. If your body hurts, say sorry. You know, that's not cool. And if if you're on the other side, whatever it is, gratitude works so much better than fucking being a dick. I mean, really, it's just not as effective, nor does it feel good. And also remember, you are exactly where you need to be.

You are perfect the way you are. And if you want to grow and get more comfortable in yourself, well, then you can start right now. There is no rush. You are exactly perfectly on time. There's literally chances to practice the mindful eating, the mirror work, the shower work, the buying things in different sizes. You can do that every day, every week. Enjoy your food, enjoy your clothing, look at the mirror, see the radiance that you give off when you're just like looking for something nice. Yeah, it's really cool to be comfortable in your own skin. It really, God, you know, there's this really toxic quote that

says, like, nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels. Uh I think nothing tastes as good as being good, feeling good in your body feels, honestly. Okay. So that's it, my love, my listener, my masterful listener. How is this resonating with you? If you felt triggered in some way, totally fine. If you were inspired, great. I am no different than you. I am human, I am flawed, I am beautiful, I am confident, and I still have moments where I'm like, wuh, but that's okay. I accept it. Accept the fact that you are where you are. Okay, it's okay. Things can change so fast in life. I

mean, really. Think about how often you're thinking about your physical body and stressing out. You know, if something real, real, real crappy happened today, and you, you know, someone you love got diagnosed with a horrible disease or you did, would you still care that your size larger than you are or smaller, your hair isn't perfect? Probably not. So don't wait for something really crappy to happen to shift your perspective. Do it now. When is now? This is it. You got it. I gave you a bunch of tools. Your homework, try one of them out. Try all of them out. Other homework, share this with someone in

your life who you know you want to love themselves more, who maybe you see as beautiful, but you know they don't see themselves that way. Send it to them and tell them that you want them to hear a story of someone else who feels that way, who's struggled their whole life, but who doesn't struggle as much anymore. Because I did the work and you can do the work. It is just honestly easier to stay in a victim mentality and blame everything and everyone, but it doesn't work and it ruins your freaking life, no matter what you look like. Beauty is so much deeper than what you

look like. It goes inward and it's outward. So have some fun. Whether you're dancing around naked with yourself or you're shopping or you're eating, life is short. Focus on what you're focused on. And if it's not making you feel affirmed and optimistic, you might consider shifting your perspective. And I hope today helps you do that. Look beyond the mirror, look beyond the numbers, uh, look beyond the flaws. And um Yeah, fuck what other people think. If you get a compliment, cool, don't let it get to you. If you get a criticism, who cares? Don't let it get to you. It's not about you. Okay, you're awesome.

So awesome, so beautiful. Thank you for being so beautiful. Thank you for taking the time to masterfully listen. I'll see you next time.