The Slow Lane to Success and Masterful Living: How Slowing Down Propels You Forward

Speaker 1 Hey there. Uh can you uh hurry up and slow down already?

Speaker 1 Literally everything is better slow. Well, mostly everything. Maybe not a salsa dance or the last leg of a race when you're like, oh, I'm right there at the finish line and I got this, and you get that extra little boost to go fast. You know, there's some things in life that for sure you gotta run. You gotta rush, maybe, but most of us are running and exhausted and have this sense of urgency when it's completely not necessary and actually counterproductive. And so today we're gonna talk about slowing down and then slowing down even more. And this is for those who already want to slow down. I'm

Speaker 1 not trying to convince those who like to move fast to slow down. You can turn off this episode, truly, and I say that with love. I don't like to convince anyone of anything. I'm not trying to sell you on being slow. I'm just gonna share how as a coach and as a human being that was running my whole life. Uh, my dog Rad is going a little bonkers. He just ate and he's doing that dog thing where he's rubbing himself all over the carpet. So I just wanted to acknowledge that real quick in case you hear a little dingle-dingle bell. Uh yes, back to what I

Speaker 1 was saying. I was I was rushing my whole life, and I joked because I'm from uh near Russia. I'm from Moldova. And uh yeah, I just I don't even know why. I think naturally I have a faster pace, I have a fast mind. And again, I liked to get things done fast. And so what I want to say about that is if it feels good to move fast, cool, keep doing that. I'd say again, everyone has their own pace. I think part of mastery. Oh, sorry, Radish. Don't stand behind me and you know, disturb the podcast. And then, well, I guess that's not his fault. Um,

Speaker 1 yeah, by the way, Rad, the dog is allowed to do whatever he wants now since he's been sick. So if at any point during this podcast I do get a little distracted with Rad, know that he is my number one priority. And notice what it's like to listen to someone who might be distracted for a second and consider how often you're distracted when you're talking to people and how they might feel. And I say that from a very honest, authentic, vulnerable human place. It happens to all of us. Sometimes we have reason to be distracted, but usually that realization that you're speaking to someone and they're

Speaker 1 distracted sucks. And you know why we're often distracted? Because we're rushing off to the next place. We're rushing off to thinking about what am I gonna say next? What am I gonna do next? Where am I gonna go next? How am I gonna get there faster? Mm-hmm. So we're gonna talk a little bit about that today, and this is super top of mind for a few reasons. Uh, first, I had a group coaching call today. I lead group coaching calls often, many times a week. And today's topic happened to be around urgency. This idea that everyone seems to think everything is urgent and everything is urgent,

Speaker 1 and it's stressful, and everything's coming at us, and and people are being bombarded, and it's really overwhelming. And I asked the question of, well, what does urgent mean? Like, how do you know when something is actually urgent? And it was like, uh, well, well, everything kind of feels urgent. And I'm like, yeah, but everything can't be urgent. If everything is urgent, nothing is urgent, right? So even that, like if you're someone who feels like everything right now feels urgent and there's never enough time, and I'm always going to the next thing and the next thing.

Speaker 1 This one's for you. Take a breath, let's slow it down, and uh let's find a different way, okay? Because I once had a sales manager say to me, Svet, nothing is on fire. Chill, relax, slow down. Another sales manager in my first ever corporate job said, Svetlana, slow and steady wins the race. And I was like, Yeah, no, sorry. I'm fast, I do it fast, I do it my way. And I mean, she was right. Lisa was right, Karen was right. They were wiser and smarter than me. And so I needed to figure this out in my own time. And uh, this is something I've really

Speaker 1 not figured out, but like I embody this deeply. I live a slow life, I like it that way. I really do. It feels better. Uh, and we're gonna we're gonna dive into that a little bit. I'm gonna give some little tools and and ideas for how you can slow down if you sense that there's no reason to keep rushing. And then you gotta find your own pace, right? Because my pace that I consider slow could still be someone's fast, doubtful in my case, but um don't look at other people, don't compare. Truly, there is no race. There is no race, it is just you and you,

Speaker 1 and your relationship to you, and your relationship to your life. And I'm telling you, after my life and the last couple of weeks, with Rad getting sick and just so much happening in the last couple of months that feels so chaotic, just a slow, normal day is like the greatest gift. And if you actually slow down enough to be present to the ordinary moments in our life, the boring everyday stuff feels profound and divine and beautiful. It's only when some crap happens that we're like, Oh, I wish it was just a normal day. Well, don't wait for that. Find some presence now, slow down now, breathe

Speaker 1 a little deeper now. You are exactly perfectly on time. Trust me, you are exactly perfectly on time. I don't care where you're at, I don't care what you're working on, but this is it. You are exactly perfectly on time. The more you fight that and try to rush to get somewhere, there's a very, very, very high chance that in that rush you will fuck it up, you'll mess it up. Ever worked on something way too fast and messed it up? Yeah. And then you'll be pissed at yourself. Or you'll just miss it. You'll just miss it. How many people miss their life? Masterful listeners, come on.

Speaker 1 I was once in Nicaragua and I was um, no, I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna tell you the story after I introduce those who maybe haven't been here to the world's first super rad listening school. Welcome. Uh, I'm gonna get into that Nicaragua story actually in a minute because it is a great example of slowing down. I have I have many. Uh, but yes, before I get into the story, I'm gonna invite you to listen in a certain way.

Speaker 1 First, I'm gonna invite you to listen deeply to the words I'm saying. Masterful listening, listen to my words, listen to my energy. If you're watching the video, listen to my body, right? There's a lot going on. But uh, we say a lot without saying anything. Our tone says a lot. Listen deeply, listen slowly, listen to my words. And you know there's a little trick I learned that if you're having trouble listening and you're getting distracted, what you can do, and try this now, is as I'm speaking, go ahead and say exactly what I'm saying in your own head as I'm saying it. So right now, go

Speaker 1 ahead and do that, and you'll find that somehow you're able to do it. Isn't that kind of wild? When you tune in with deep presence, you can speak along to me right now. Are you doing it? But how do you know what I'm about to say? It's like magic. Masterful listening is magic. It is magic at your fingertips. Use it. Use it. The world gives us so much, but most of us are rushing past it. I would highly encourage you to stop running through your life unless you're actually running like a race. Like if you're racing like on a track and you want to win, great.

Speaker 1 That's a great time to rush and run.

Speaker 2 But if you're rushing out of bed and rushing to get ready and rushing to the office and rushing past those assholes on the highway and rushing through all your work and it's just.

Speaker 1 I mean, I guess I also want to know if you're doing that and you're really enjoying it, then keep doing it. You know? Like, truly, if running and rushing and being fast is working, keep working it. This is not, I'm not talking to you. You're probably not even listening anymore. You're not here. If you're here, you're probably like, man, I do want to slow down, but I'm kind of worried about slowing down. So practice right now, really listening slowly and deeply and notice what comes up for you. Notice any resistance that comes up. Notice if you're like, oh yeah, if you start thinking about your own

Speaker 1 thing related to what I'm saying, come back. Bring yourself back. This whole podcast is essentially a meditation. It's a chance for you to come back to this moment of presence. Slow down the mind. Our minds are very, very, very fast sometimes, and it's not great.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, let's see. Uh, Nicaragua. So, this is a great example of uh

Speaker 1 rushing. Uh and and how literally when you rush, you miss everything. Um, because you know it's actually easier sometimes to go faster, right? Like if you're on a bicycle and you're going fast, it's easier to stay steady. If you had to go really slow on a bike, it's like harder to balance. So, you know, I understand, again, the impulse to go fast. I am literally so fast in my comprehension of pretty much anything that it was very hard for me to be in school or in a meeting because by the time someone was formulating their question, I already knew the answer. Like it was in some

Speaker 1 ways really frustrating to be such a fast human in a world where a lot of people weren't. I actually judged some people who were super slow processors and slow talkers. And now I've developed this deep appreciation because, first of all, those people invited me to become more expansive and appreciative of being a human being who's multidimensional and has a range. I always say mastery, I don't think is fast or slow, it's both. It's knowing when to go fast and knowing when to go slow. I believe it's the Navy. They have a quote, a saying that is slow is smooth and smooth is fast. When you slow

Speaker 1 down, I think you attain success way faster. Like the faster you slow down, the sooner you get everything you want. And I know again, it feels counterintuitive. So trust me on this, though. All right. And again, I'm not trying to convince you. Um, I just really feel in my in my soul deeply, this is just the truth, at least in my life. So I'm in Nicaragua, I don't even know. This was maybe seven years ago, and I was living in Costa Rica at the time, in Guanacaste, beautiful part of Costa Rica. I had moved there after my entire life kind of collapsed. I went through a

Speaker 1 really dark depression burnout after I left Google. All of my like my almost decade-long research into positive psychology in the corporate world that I'd been doing just turned, just blew up because I was at the greatest place to work and I was miserable, and people were miserable, and I was like, wow, I've just wasted my life chasing something that just was not making me happy. In fact, the opposite. And that was another place that I was like, wow, I was like, well, when I get to that place, then I'll be trap, trap. If you notice yourself going, well, I'm rushing there because once I get there,

Speaker 1 then no, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to tell you. But if you think that you running towards, I mean, honestly, anything, the promotion, the house, the wedding,

Speaker 1 if you think that when you get there, then you will be or feel something. There is a very, very, very, I would say almost certain, like hundred percent high chance that at that point you'll then go, oh, and now when I get there, and there it is a trap. That is why I say stop running to some destination because you don't even know what that's gonna be like. My entire world collapsed when I was in the dream job, dream relationship, dream body. The dream was not what I thought it would be. Can anyone relate to that? Have you ever gotten somewhere and it wasn't what you

Speaker 1 thought? And so then it's like, oh well, I gotta do this other thing. And you know, if you know me at all, if you've heard the show, or if you just know me personally, or if you don't at all, um no, I'll say it now. Um, I'm a big fan of achieving things, like going after things. I'm a coach. Hell yeah, go after the stuff, but don't think that only once you get somewhere then you can feel good. Because you actually could feel good now. You could feel better now, let's say. It's always the feeling we want. We want to feel safe, rich, beautiful, but that's

Speaker 1 not always tied to actually what we look like or how much money we have or where we are. It's literally your inner world, your sense of presence, and um there's so much to that, but the slowing down is massively tied to that because I think slowing down keeps you more in the moment, and in the moment of our life, typically that sense of like panic and urgency that we feel is unnecessary. And yes, there are exceptions. I want to quickly acknowledge that if you are a surgeon and you're operating on someone who is dying in front of you, you might need to do a bunch of

Speaker 1 shit really fast. If you're a fireman, you know. So if your mind is going, but wait, there are urgent situations. Yeah, how many of you are actually putting out fires? Because if you are, please keep doing that real fast and carefully. I'm talking about most of us whose brains and minds are on fire because everything feels so important. I'm not saying it's not important, but I'm saying, does it have to be this like panicked sense of urgency? Because if everything is like that, then nothing is really like that. It's almost like we gotta honor the urgency. Like a sense of urgency, funny enough, when I was

Speaker 1 interviewing for my many, many, many jobs, that was one of the things I said was one of my superpowers. I do have a sense of urgency. I really like to get things done quickly. So it's not even about getting it done fast, it's about how you're doing the thing, right? So Nicaragua, again. You see my mind, it's like I'm making a show about being slow while talking quite fast. But I noticed and I slowed down again. So I'm living in Costa Rica and I want to go to Nicaragua because I hear wonderful things about it. And apparently, you can take a bus from where I'm at

Speaker 1 to what was it called? Granada, I think was the city. So I take this bus to Nicaragua, and I had a friend join me who is super awesome, Joelle. Shout out to Joelle if you ever hear this. Super rad woman. And we're on this bus to Nicaragua, and when we get there, we meet some fellow travelers, and they're like, they said something about, oh yeah, you know, you could like uh go um like board down a volcano. And we're like, what do you mean? So apparently you could like kind of get on like a snowboard and like snowboard, but not snow, it's lava, it's you know,

Speaker 1 land, earth, but you can like board down a volcano. And I was like, uh obviously we have to do that. How do you do that? She's like, Oh, well, there you'll see these people, they do these tours. So somehow we meet this guy and uh we start chatting, and he's like, Oh, yeah, yeah, I do that. Like, I I help, I take people like on tours to do that. And we're like, amazing. So we agree to meet him at a certain time, and we get there, and he gives us these like kind of um, oh my gosh, I have so many of these, and like overall

Speaker 1 suits, like full body, thick fabric. Because you know, when you're boarding down a volcano, there's like lots of rocks and stuff. So, like full suit type of thing, like a coverall, and um these boards, and these boards were basically like like a sled type of board, like wood. And uh we get to this volcano. I think it was an active volcano. I need to double check that, but anyway, big, big mountain volcano, and uh we see that there's like Another, and it's just me and Joelle and these two guys. So it was like a really small private tour. And I'm like, this is so cool. Um

Speaker 1 I also, you know, now that I am recalling this, I'm thinking, did they have a sign, like a waiver or anything? I don't even think they did, but it was Nicaragua. And I was like, cool, like it's just things are super laid back. In Costa Rica, I went bungee jumping, and I think I did have to sign something, but regardless, in my mind, it felt safe enough. We were there and we actually saw this whole other group of people on the mountain, like 20 of them doing this. And I thought, well, this is so much more fun. It's just the two of us. So, anyway, first

Speaker 1 step is we have to get to the top of the mountain and then board down it. So we're climbing up this volcano and we're carrying our boards. Now it was very, very windy. And when you're, you know, climbing up a volcano and you're carrying a big ass board and it's windy, depending on how the wind hits the board, it could just like really move you, uh, toss you around. And so we're going up, we're going up. It's getting windier. And I'm kind of getting nervous. I literally even had this thought at one point like, am I seriously gonna die here? And my mother is gonna find

Speaker 1 out that I'm like dead in Nicaragua because I tried to board down a volcano. Like, I was like, this will be wild, like a fun, crazy story. But I I got a little scared and I found myself sort of future tripping, and then I brought myself back. And but I just this whole time my mind was kind of getting afraid. But I tried to stay present, I kept going, I kept going. But I literally, I just remember some moments at the very top. Like we were at this edge where literally to the left of us, it was like the slope down that we would board down,

Speaker 1 and it felt so steep that when you looked down, you couldn't even see the ground. It kind of like went around itself a little and then down. And then to the other side was like the inside the crater of the volcano. So there was like a really thin point at the top where we had to stabilize ourselves. And with the wind and the board, I had to keep clutching the board in a way that wouldn't send me flying off the side of the volcano, right? It wasn't like leap off the volcano experience, fly. It was bored. So anyway, we get there. It's like a whole journey.

Speaker 1 We made it, we're excited, and then they show us, okay, well, this is what you do. You sit on this, and then you just like you go. And so I get on my board and I'm kind of nervous, but Joelle's like totally a badass. I guess like me, we're doing this thing. And um we we start going and like I'm I'm going fast. And I'm kind of focused, like I'm I'm so trying to focus on like being safe and not falling off the thing and like going, going. And then I was like, holy shit. And I just you you kind of pause or slow down by

Speaker 1 like putting your feet on the rocks in a certain way for some friction. And I just slowed down a little and I looked up because my whole view, I was just looking down at the ground. I was so focused on just like moving. I looked up and I saw this massive view, like this valley, this beautiful view in front of me that I hadn't even seen because I was so focused on like we got to get up the mountain and I gotta be safe and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just totally slowed it down. And I realized it was probably halfway down after hours

Speaker 1 of getting there, that I went halfway through this whole experience that I've been waiting for and pretty much missed it. And the rest of the time, I just kind of went down slowly. And I breathed the air and I saw the view, and I just wow, I was in it. I was in it. It was so freaking epic. And we made it down, we made it safely, and the funniest part ever was that we were all hugging and we're so excited. And I was like, thank you guys so much. This is so cool. I'm so glad that we met you and you do this. And there

Speaker 1 they go, can I tell you something? Yeah, they go, We've never done this before. So we basically let these two dudes who've never led people to do a you know, a pretty, maybe you could say dangerous, risky thing. But we did it. We did it, we made it work, and I remember that moment of like flying down this volcano on this board and being all freaked out and so concerned and looking down, and then just looking up and being like, wow, I'm doing this a lot in my life. I'm like, I have this thing I want to do, and then I'm all worried about it. How's

Speaker 1 it gonna go? And I'm so in my head, and then I start doing it, and then I'm just looking down, and I'm not even just in it fully. No, no more. So I always like that story because it just woke me up to something, and my mantra has become I am exactly perfectly on time. I hate feeling rushed. I always schedule things with extra time in between them so I don't have to rush. If I find myself rushing, like to get somewhere, I notice I'm thinking, oh my gosh, what if they're gonna be upset if I'm a little late? I'll just call the person and say,

Speaker 1 hey, is this um time, is this timing like not stringent, what's the word, um, that I'm looking for? Like if someone's having a get together, they're like, come at seven, I'll literally say, Hey, is this like a sit-down 7 p.m. dinner? Or is this like come from 7 to whenever? So then I'll know. And if I have somewhere to go where it is a timely thing, I don't want to be rude. I will either do everything I can to give myself plenty of time so I can stroll there, literally, just walk slowly. Um, or if I know I'm running behind, I will just pick up my

Speaker 1 phone and let them know. I'm so sorry, I'm running a little bit behind. If I show up 15 minutes late, will I be disturbing you? Because if so, I cannot come. Just letting you know. I just communicate it. I do not want to be miserable so that someone else in my mind might or might not be mad at me. Like, yes, be respectful of time. My friends actually know this about me. I really don't like when people are late, but I really would prefer someone be running late and take care of themselves. Just let me know. It's fine, right? Is it an emergency? Most of the

Speaker 1 times not. And if it is, then I do hope you can show up because I am quick in an emergency. I had a funny experience here a few months ago where my dear friend was here helping me out with some stuff, and it started raining and it got so windy, and I like ran out to my deck and I wanted to cover everything, and he was just like almost frozen, and I was like, come on! And I just was like, and I was so overwhelmed, but I'm used to that. I know how to move fast, and he's just not like that. And I was really freaking

Speaker 1 annoyed because in my mind it was an emergency, like that's when you gotta snap into it, and he just doesn't feel that way. And it was a really interesting moment of noticing pace. I still have that in me. I have this, like, I'm gonna just do it really quickly and just and again, sometimes in an emergency, that's super useful. But living like that every day makes your adrenals go crazy, makes you not sleep well, makes you anxious and panicked. I'm not interested in that. I'm just not. I don't want to live like that. So when those moments happen, I notice that. And you know what I

Speaker 1 do? Here's your little tool. If you notice yourself just moving too fast, you're messing shit up. Usually when I move too fast, they know why I'm knocking shit over, I'm dropping things, I'm spilling things. Like it's almost like the universe is saying, slow down. I call them gentle reminders. I've had these gentle reminders where I'll like I'll leave a cabinet open in my kitchen because I'm rushing and I don't close it, and then I move my head and like knock into it a millimeter from my eye or something, and I'm like, wow, that hurt.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Gentle reminder. Slow it down. Where are you going? So here's what you do. If you notice you're in a moment like that, stop. Just stop. Literally say stop.

Speaker 1 Take a breath, grab your phone and set a timer for three minutes. And for the next three minutes, you are to move at a glacial pace. That was my oven telling me. My lasagna's done.

Speaker 1 A glacial at a pace do everything extra slow as if your entire world got literally like imagine, you know how you can speed up the speed of something, you can also slow it down.

Speaker 1 Just breathe for a moment while I go turn off the the freaking oven. I don't even know if I'm gonna cut those few seconds. Any chance we have to just sit and breathe, I think is a gift. So thank you, Ovin. So as I was saying, move ugly.

Speaker 1 Imagine your life just literally started moving so slow. Move your body as if someone just pressed the super slow button.

Speaker 2 Move everything a thousand times slower. Walk really slow sit slow.

Speaker 1 Anything you would be doing for those three minutes do it slowly and then when the timer goes off, just notice how you feel.

Speaker 1 See if just a three minute practice does anything for you. We have to practice going slow because we're not taught that that is the right thing to do in this world.

Speaker 2 Make money faster, get successful faster, lose weight faster, get no. No. No. Sorry. Actually, not sorry.

Speaker 1 It's bullshit. Where are we all rushing to? Literally. Where are you going? Is it an emergency? If it is, okay. But just even ask yourself that. Is this really urgent? And in order to answer that, make a list of what is urgent, what constitutes itself is urgent. And if it's not on that list,

Speaker 1 make this fun. Tell yourself that true richness, true abundance means you get to move at whatever pace feels good for you. Eating better slow. Walking, better slow. There's so many things I think that are better slow. You feel everything more when you're slow. I love when I'm working with peaceful productivity, right? Like it's moving, but it's slow. It's good. We're getting somewhere. Um another fun way to practice this, and this is really hard, but I do it sometimes because like I grew up in Brooklyn where I learned how to drive, like on the East Coast, New York, DC. So like I'm I'm not an aggressive driver.

Speaker 1 I'm like just a super good one. Like, I'm just, I really think I'm a good driver. I I'm super aware, I'm really present. I kind of do some weaving here and there if I want to get around, but sometimes I'll notice that and I'm just like going around cars just because that's what I do. So sometimes I've started doing this thing where when someone's like being an asshole on the highway and like going way too slow, where I'd usually go around them, I just get right behind them and I just follow them. And I just drive after that person that I'd usually be like, fuck off.

Speaker 1 I just drive after them to practice going slower. Because where do I gotta go? I don't do that if I'm actually needing to be somewhere at a certain time to mess up my schedule. I do it because most of the time, five minutes makes zero difference. But enjoying my life in that moment, driving and just looking around, enjoying the view, petting Rad who's sitting next to me. I started doing this also on the Golden Gate Bridge. I really don't like to be on bridges, they make me nervous. I feel kind of out of control. So whenever I get on a bridge, I always just want to

Speaker 1 I speed up, I just want to get off the bridge. And there was a day where I was getting on the bridge, and it's I mean, it's so beautiful to be on the Golden Gate Bridge, but still, even there, I'm always like, I gotta get through it. And I was like, can I just like chill out? So I slowed down and I just like looked up and I like looked around while focused on the road, of course. And because I drove probably 10 miles an hour slower than normal, I saw more of the beauty, it was magnificent. Oh man, there's so much beauty every moment, and

Speaker 1 we just don't see it because you can't see it when you're f flying past it. You just can't. And these last couple of weeks with Rad's sickness and just so much happening in life, I'm even slower because now when I walk with my doggy and he stops and smells the air, mmm, I do it and I don't pull him along like I used to. When I find myself a little restless, like I kind of did tonight, where I was like, I don't really know, I'm tired, I had a really long day, but so I don't want to do more work, but I kind of don't just

Speaker 1 want to sit around and watch TV. What can I do that'll kind of just be slow and nice? So I thought I'm gonna walk with Rat and then I'm gonna think about being slow, and then you know what? I'm just gonna sit down and record this peacefully, productively, slowly. And I'm so glad I did that. And I'm so glad that now I shall go and eat my lasagna slowly. Because when I eat too fast, I always feel like shit.

Speaker 1 All right, aspiring, masterful listeners. Remember, when you slow down, yes, even your work, you do it better, you focus more. I went through a period in my life of nine months where because I was rushing and running, I ran myself into a wall, a metaphorical wall, but I actually did once run into a wall on the sales floor at a company where I was a top performer and I was always rushing and I was really fast, and I literally ran into a wall, fell back. It was kind of funny because I didn't get hurt, but it was another reminder. Um yeah, just uh it's just not

Speaker 1 as effective. Usually when I'm rushing, I mess up and then I have to go back and fix it, or I'm so stressed that I get sick and then I can't work. So just consider that taking a few breaths before you start your work to slow down, do that three-minute activity, perhaps, and uh a good pause every half an hour, every 90 minutes, you find your flow. But try on the idea that slow is smooth and smooth is fast. I've really seen this work as a director of business development, as an entrepreneur, as an artist, as a friend, but giving people time sometimes, slowing down even a

Speaker 1 relationship that can fasten the depth, the and the longevity, which is probably one of the hardest things for me to slow down. But I'm learning, I'm learning slowly.

Speaker 1 Thanks for listening. Your homework is to slow down and then slow down a little more, and then just when you think you can't slow down anymore, slow down just a little more. And when you see someone driving on the highway who's clearly driving a bit too slow, but not like so bad that they're like gonna cause an accident slow, just you know, like they probably could be going a little faster. Get behind them and practice.

Speaker 3 Go slow.

Speaker 1 I'll see you next time.