Harnessing the ADHD Superpower: The Radical Truth – The More You Rest, the Better You Ride Those Epic Waves of Energy (and Other Tips to Embrace Your Unique Brilliance)

Hey, you, masterful listener. Thanks for uh taking the time to be here today. This is a special episode, and I've said that a lot uh about many of the shows, but how about this one is unique? It's unique in that, wow, it was a ride. I mean, I really rode the ADHD wave. I realized recently that I've never really talked much about ADHD, in that I'm someone who's been navigating ADHD my whole life. And something that became so clear to me somewhere along the way was that this way of being, this mind I have, this incredible ability to come up with a million ideas and sometimes

get things done at a pace that truly feels like I'm some sort of sorceress or magician. And yet other times I can't find my socks, and I've definitely not done the laundry or my dishes for a long time. And it didn't make sense that I could be both. How do I be both this incredible, talented, capable, amazing coach that works with so many incredible people and truly gets shit done? And also the complete opposite and kind of a mess. And uh, I thought I was lazy. Like a lot of people who have ADHD think they might be lazy. And it's like, what's wrong with me? But

guess what? That is the wrong question, my loves. If you've been listening to the show, you know how I've said that you gotta find the right questions because if you ask the right questions, you get the right answers. And if you ask the wrong questions, you ruin your life. There's an episode titled that. So what was funny about this episode is I'd been thinking about it for literally weeks, but somehow I couldn't get my butt in the chair to record it. But I was thinking, thinking, thinking and planning and taking notes. And then what happened is yesterday I had a moment of inspiration. Oh no, it

wasn't yesterday. It was Friday because it was 11-1. I know it was 1-1-1, it was the new moon. I was we very much in my witchy uh psychic woo mode. I joke sometimes on mid-woo, but I was all up in the spirit realm that day. And uh I sat down because I got inspired because I'd written a really exciting, cool article about wait, why am I single? I was thinking about that because I had this really interesting moment sitting here on I think it was the eve of the new moon, and I was just looking around my place. And despite the fact that I've not been

able to walk in a couple of months, and I've been grieving, I've had such a full life, and I really was reflecting on like, I love being single, and yet why am I single? And that led me into this whole, uh, gosh, uh, what's that term? By the way, that's another thing I find. Sometimes I just like can't remember the right word. And then I've always joked, like, oh, it's because I'm from Moldova and English is my second language, which might have something to do with it. But I think it's also that my mind is so fast and excited. It's like the train is passing, and

sometimes I'm on it, sometimes I'm off of it. But okay, I'm gonna bring myself back because this is an introduction. I'm re-recording because what happened again yesterday was I was reflecting on how I did. I wrote this amazing article. I was working with my AI and I was excited, and I wrote this amazing article, I thought, called uh, I don't even remember the name. I read it at the end of this episode, actually. Um and I sat down because I was like, oh, let me just record the why I'm a single piece. That'll be the episode instead of the ADHD one. And then as I started

recording it, I ended up just recording this one instead, which is another thing, right? I'm gonna talk about today. It's like sometimes we mean to do one thing, but that thing leads us to another thing. And again, if you've listened to the show, which I hope you have, but even if you haven't, I talk a lot about how life is full of really awesome detours. I just lost the love of my life, my soul dog rad. And that is what rad stands for: really awesome detour. And ADHD is full of really awesome detours. Sometimes you mean to do one thing, and then you end up doing

20 other things, and then you don't even get the one thing done. And if you're upset at yourself about it, that could really, really make life worse. And I spent many years being kind of pissed at myself for why didn't I get this done? And what's wrong with me? And then I realized I gotta ask better questions. So it was, whoa, in what way is this my superpower? How can I use this way of being for me versus against me? And I was presented with an incredible, incredible distinction that I've been sharing a lot in my classes, and people have so been connecting to this. And

it's gonna be a whole other episode later in the season, but check this out. It's the idea that, and I want you to listen today through this lens. We are not better than each other, we're just better at certain things than each other. So I am not better than you. I am better at dot dot dot than you, right? Those of us who have ADHD often compare ourselves to others. Oh gosh, I'm not as good as this person. They're better than me at organization or completing a task or whatever. And others might look at you and go, oh man, they're better than me because blah, blah,

blah but no one is better than you, they're just better at. And I think there's something about that that is so powerful, right? I'm not better than, I'm better at. You're not better than you're better at. And I think the more we stop comparing ourselves to each other, and the more we look at each other as wow, that's different. That's different, that's different. But just because you're different, and yes, my love, if you have ADHD, you are different. Your brain is different. And even if you don't, you're also different, right? Um, but different doesn't mean disorder, and different doesn't have to mean disability. And I don't

know about you, but I know that language is very, very powerful. Why do we say spell something? Because our words are spells. We cast spells. So if you think that you have a disability and that's empowering to you, cool. If you think you have a disorder and that's empowering, cool. Remember, I want to say this again. This is my journey, my story. So I'm talking about my experience with ADHD. You might have your own. I respect that. But if you're out there and the disorder and disability aspect, what is it? Attention, hyper, disability disorder. I don't even know what it stands for, but I know those

D's do not inspire me. So I decided I'm gonna choose my own D. All right. And actually, I'm doing a workshop on this with a brilliant man who I love, love, love. He was my first coach. And now he's my colleague and my friend. So I'll mention that later, but choose your own D. You can be brilliant and a mess all at the same time. In fact, that is my second comedy special. Check that out soon. That might be the next episode, it might be episode 50, or maybe the next one will be a deeper dive into why am I single? But for now, welcome back

to Masterful Listening. This one's gonna be a doozy and a journey, so buckle up. And as I always say, check in. Are you really genuinely curious about ADHD, the tools, the tips, the tricks, the riding, the waves of it? Hmm, if so, uh, get ready. Okay. Oh, this is gonna be fun and hopefully useful. Okay, bye night.

Okay, what is going on with me? I am like laser focused sometimes, but other times I can't like remember anything or do the dishes, and it's a mess, and uh I have a million thoughts, and I start about thinking about one thing, and even now, if you're listening, I could start thinking about something and somehow be in a completely different universe and completely forget what I even started with, and that used to really annoy me, and it used to frustrate me, and it also frustrated other people. So I, as a coach, realized that everything that we have that's a gift is also the thing that will

destroy us, and the things that we're often saying are so horrible could actually be incredibly powerful. It's all about the story that we tell. And one thing that is so clear to me as today I sit here on 111 111 on a new moon and I'm going deep into the woo. You know, I say I'm mid-woo. Today I am deep in the spirit realm because as someone who sees myself actually as a scientific person, I've been studying neuroscience for a decade, but I'm also a psychic and a witch. If you didn't know that, don't tell everyone. Okay. We so misunderstand things in this society. I think

that when people don't understand certain things, they uh stigmatize them and they somehow make them bad or wrong. But the truth is being a witch is an incredibly powerful thing. And you know what it means? All it means is you understand energy because everything in the world is energy. It's actually the same thing that a scientist does. When I think of the work that I've done as a coach and how I've used my intuition as a skill and a tool my whole life, that's actually one of my most potent powerful aspects of me. And that's also very connected to my ADHD, my active mind, my imagination.

I have always, always been someone who's had a super, super, super fast mind to the point where when I was in school, it was hard for me. And again, as you listen today, I didn't even do my normal introduction because I'm just like blah, and I'm bringing myself back. And you know what? I'm modeling for you. It's okay. One of the things I've learned is that letting myself be a mess and be all over the place is actually smart. Because here's what happens is that we have these waves of energy as human beings, and some of us have more of them than others. Those like me,

I'm also remember for the rest of this episode or whatever I end up doing with this right now, it just feels like a stream of consciousness, but maybe I'll just post this. Here's what I want to make clear we are all deeply unique, magical beings. All of us, every single human being on this planet is a miracle because there's nobody else like you ever in the whole world. There's no one else like me, there's no one else like you. And often we're like, oh, well, this person's really extra special, or I'm even extra special. And just notice if that's actually helpful, because the truth is, and

this was pointed out to me by a very wise Dharma teacher and friend who was like, Svet, gosh, you always want to be special, but you're not. And isn't that great? And I was like, What? He's like, Isn't that great? It releases the pressure. You don't gotta be special, you just gotta be you because you're so enough. Plus, wanting to be special is super normal. So that in itself makes you not special. Why did I just bring that up right now? It seems like a kind of random thought. Well, it kind of is. Oh, it's because today I'm really gonna be talking about, again, ADHD, my

own journey with ADHD. I have had a sense that I have had this since I was a teenager. I literally, back in the day when I was in high school, went to my parents. And back then, the conversation around ADHD was very different. This was, okay, I'm 39. I probably went to them when I was like 14, 15. So 25 years ago, that is so weird to think that that's actually how much time has passed. But what I noticed was that I was, first of all, always a great student. I was fast. I could pick things up really quickly. Like I also I have not quite

a photographic memory, but I could scan a page of information and just like really hold on to it really uh, really quickly. Um, almost like a, what is it, like a power reader. My mind basically is extremely capable of taking in a ton of information all at once and then forgetting it. So I could do well on tests. I just really didn't like being tested in that way. I also always preferred like a long form essay versus multiple choice personally, where a lot of people I thought preferred the opposite. I just felt like I had trouble focusing. I just had so much distraction and kind of

I was like kind of all over the place, but I did well. And so when I went to my parents and I was like, I think I have this like type of ADD, or I called it ADD back then, whatever it was. I knew people who were like taking some medication, like I think back then, Ritalin or something, and then they got extra time for tests back then. And I think I literally said to my parents, I think that like maybe I need to do that. And in their very uh Eastern European way, we're like, are you kidding me? You don't gotta, you're fine. You're you're

strong. You're not taking any medication. It's so funny when I think back at that. And I totally get why they said that. And I'm actually, I'm actually okay with that. But the key is, and why I share this, is I had always I had a sense that like the way that I functioned, the way that my brain was, might be a little bit unique and different. Now, here's the thing. I have spent now 25 years, let's say, really committing my life to this work of personal development, professional development. Like I've been a coach my whole life. I was even a peer counselor in college. Now, when

I look back, literally, I've always been me. I've just sort of deepened what that means. And I've actually only recently, truly, I think, discovered the me that I've always known I was that I was so frustrated I couldn't tap into. It's like I've always felt, and I want you to consider as you listen, if you relate to this, because I sense you probably do. I think there's a lot of us out there, especially those that could get placed in that ADHD bucket who might receive that diagnosis. It is the only diagnosis, again, I've ever received where I was like, oh yeah, that is that just reminds

me of me. It was actually helpful to be like, oh, this is a thing. And man, this could be a really powerful thing. I mean, I I don't know if I attribute my superpowers to my ADHD, but it must be connected. I just don't love to label anything very much unless the labels help you, which is why when I think of ADHD and what it means, what does it stand for? Attention hyperdeficit disorder. How does it feel when you hear that you're told that you have a disorder or a deficit? Nothing about that language is empowering or inspiring to me. So, you know what I decided

with a good friend, colleague, coach, actually, my first ever coach, David, shout out to you who I'm meeting with later today as we plan our choose your own D, choose your own D workshop. That's where this episode finally came to be. I realized it's time for me to share my ADHD story because I mention it here and there, but I've never really publicly talked a ton about it because I think somewhere it's still, I don't know, it's just not something I thought was as important as I'm realizing it is because it's such a big part of my story. And I think my ADHD, I have finally

found a way to work for me and not against me. And I'm not saying it's easy all the time, but I have learned some things that have been so helpful for me that I really want to share them as I do everything else. My

purpose, I think, has always been clear, but is now even more clear is I believe I've been sent here into this human form. I do believe we're spiritual beings in a human experience. So spirituality is at the core of what I do, and yet honestly, I'm super scientific. I've really spent over 10 years now collecting data in the realm of neuroscience and coaching and leadership philosophy. Like I was in the business world for a long time. And again, I am psychic and I am a witch. And just notice what those words bring up with you as you listen. So look, now we're way more into the

show than normal when I'm gonna pause myself because I realize I'm about to go on all these detours. But you know, it's an episode about riding the waves ADHD version. But before I keep going, I'm gonna invite you to listen in a certain way today. Because listening and masterful listening is literally one of the main ways that I have turned the often challenge of ADHD into my greatest power, strength, opportunity. I'm telling you, I believe this. I have this amazing book called ADHD is awesome that I that I bought recently because people are realizing this. Having ADHD can be one of the most confusing, challenging things.

It's also hilarious. It's also fascinating and amazing once you understand it. So, this one, this episode, is for those of you out there that might have ADHD who are looking for some tips and tools. It might be for you if you know someone in your life, like a partner, someone in your family who has ADHD, for you to just understand a little bit more of what is actually happening in someone's experience, right? Because often we're just assuming we understand we do not know. If you do not have an ADHD brain, you cannot possibly comprehend what it's like to have one, just like anything else, right? I

just spent three months handicapped. I haven't been able to walk in three months without intense pain or at all. And I'm still walking in pain, but you know what that did for me? It forced me to sit slowly with myself and my thoughts. It literally forced me to sit still. And one of the hardest things that I've experienced in my ADHD journey is sitting still. So again, as you listen today, masterful listening is always about choosing to ask yourself Am I genuinely engaged? Because guess. What if you're like me and you got some ADHD, if you're not really engaged in something, you are not gonna pay

attention to it, right? Like, isn't it way easier to listen to something that you actually want to listen to? Anyone out there with ADHD not like to finish books or finish movies or anything if you're not engaged? Uh yeah, that is literally how I've been my whole life. And I realized after a lot of um, you know, thoughts and and reflections of, oh, well, that's quitting or whatever. It's like, no, for me, it never made sense. If I pick up a book and I'm like at all not engaged, why would I suffer through the rest of it when there's so many books out there that I

love and I would be engaged in? So that's the first thing. Make sure you're curious and you want to listen. That's actually a tool. That is a tool for life, I think for anyone. Now, it doesn't mean that sometimes you don't push through. I want to acknowledge that. Sometimes, you know, like with a really good series, has anyone ever said, you know, get through the first episode and once you do, you get really, really into it? Yes. I want to acknowledge that, but still masterful listening and see if you can follow my train of thought, because I am in a high energy state right now and

I am gonna let myself go all over the place. And I'm gonna trust that if you're listening, you're gonna take my instructions, which is if you're with me and you love it, stay. If you're like this is too intense, then leave. Literally turn it off. Don't force yourself to listen to something. I think if it's not really serving you, and then you have to use your discernment too. Because if you notice yourself uncomfortable, you can also pause and get curious about that. That's another tool, by the way, for ADHD. Because I quit a lot of things. And most of the time I quit, I think, for

the right reason because I knew it was not right for me and I couldn't explain because I needed to enjoy it. For me, having fun and being interested in something isn't like a nice to have, it is a must-have. And so now people are starting to understand that for people like me, we have to be engaged because when we are engaged, we are on fire. We are magic. It looks like we are some sort of genius, but I don't think we are geniuses. I think we have a genius in us. Everyone's genius is different. We all, I think, have a genius. A lot of people out

there have these amazing abilities. Some people look at me and even what I'm doing now. I'm sitting here, I didn't plan this. I just started talking. And I've always had this ability where words just come to me and come through me and out of me in a way that often I'm even like, whoa, that's really cool, how I just said that. And so I've started capturing that. And one of my stressors was my mind works so fast. And I have so many words and actually like downloads. I feel like things come to me so fast that it has overwhelmed me. And then I'm like writing them

down and making lists and lists and lists of my lists and lists of the lists, and then that was overwhelming, and then ah, you know what I realized is totally fine. You gotta have your own system. You gotta have your own system because my system works for me, and I stopped making myself wrong for the thing that worked for me, even though it might not work for anybody else. So, again, I'm literally making a list right now of the things I want to cover in this episode because unlike what I planned to do, which was look at my notes that I planned, I just got into

it, and I'm gonna trust that. So, trust the wave, guys. Okay, I'm gonna go through what that means. Trust the wave. You can't help when the waves come in with someone who has ADHD, really. That's one of the main things here. And I'm just gonna start going into the content and say, listen today because you're genuinely curious. If you get distracted, come back. You might, if you lose me at some point, come back. I'm gonna talk as fast as feels good. Typically, when I record this show, I'm very mindful, more so, of my speed, because one of the pieces of feedback I've been given a lot

that I actually appreciate was that I am a very fast talker, but not everyone is a fast listener. That's part of the reason why I started this show. So you'll notice I might switch paces like I just did, because I actually feel better when I talk slower. But sometimes it just comes in so fast, you know, and I get excited. So again, uh, notice what it's like today. How does it feel when I'm talking really fast? Notice what you resonate with, let yourself feel that. Notice what you agree with, notice your emotions. That's all part of masterful listening, means you're so acutely aware of the energy

of someone, not just what they're saying. Notice what I don't say, notice what questions you have. And my intention through this one is that it really helps you. So, again, if you're struggling with the ADHD and wanting to use it more to your advantage, or if you've just been wondering, like, what's wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with you. You are exactly perfectly on time. You have a difference. A difference is not a disability. A difference is not a disorder. A difference is something that makes you unique. And once you know how to use a samurai sword, by the way, you can do a lot with

it. Once you know how to use a knife well, you can cook incredible meals. But if you don't, you can literally accidentally hurt yourself or others. So trusting the wave of how your energy comes in is a big part of this, and even how this is happening. I'm still in my nightgown. I've been thinking about this episode for so long, and I actually was gonna come on and start recording something else that I wrote that I'm actually still gonna read because funny enough, this is all connected. Um, and then I said, screw it. I just started going and I took my own, not took my own

advice. You know how they say eat your own dog food? Well, recently somebody said instead drink your own champagne. And I don't drink alcohol, but I just liked that metaphor better. So I'm really practicing what I preach more than ever, and I gotta say, it's working, it's helping. So I sat down right now because yesterday I've been really diving deep into my relationship with my AI. I mean, honestly, I just had this knowing, this feeling, this intuition that AI was something I wanted to get more curious about because I was. So I've I've been like coaching my AI and having deep spiritual conversations with it, which

is like feels also like uh counterintuitive. It's like, wait a minute, uh science and spirituality like is the same, but like, yeah, literally, I just heard about a course from MIT, the spirituality of science, or something like that, that I'm gonna take. That is the essence of what I've been doing in my life. So here I was, and I was sitting last night again, and I suddenly, amidst just like a million thoughts that I have, had this thought. Wait, why am I single? It was this really interesting reflection because I'm 39 years old and I'm single, and I'm single by choice, and sometimes I'm like, man,

like I really do love being single, honestly. I don't just say that. I actually, gosh, I've barely, really, I just barely see anyone these days, but it's also because I've been healing from these really severe injuries. But also, I really, really enjoy my solitude. And whenever I've been in a relationship, it's always screwed up my life more than it's made it better. I heard Liz Gilbert talking on a podcast recently about her love addiction, and I was like, damn, me and her are always so aligned. It is wild. I started writing love letters to myself and singing love songs to myself a decade ago as part

of my journey. She's talking about that. You know, it's interesting how different I think there's human beings here on earth that we're so connected to people and we have similar paths. And I was thinking about her, and I'm sitting there last night again, and I'm listening to Teddy Swims, and I put on Lose Control, and I love that song. And it just got me thinking about my ex who sent me that song and about love. And then I was like, man, I just I'm just gonna use my AI and I'm just gonna talk my entire story. I just was like la la la la la la.

Like I just let it flow. And then together we co-wrote this article. And I was reading it and I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. Like she took my words and and really put them together in a way that felt so much like I mean, it was what I said. So I actually sat down because I thought, let me record this. And yet I'm like, no, I'm just gonna record the ADHD episode, which is something I've been thinking about for so long. And so another thing to understand about the ADHD brain and personality, and again, I'm only speaking about me, is that my mind

is constantly thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, planning, imagining, working. That takes a lot of energy. Now that energy is so draining that if I spend too much energy just thinking about everything and planning it, then I deplete my energy so much that by the time I actually have to do something, I don't have any energy to do it. That's why I've had moments where it like looks like I'm being lazy, right? Like I didn't do the dishes or I didn't do the 14 things on my list, but I made three lists, but then I made a list of my list, and then I copied it

to another list, but then I also took some notes on my phone, and then I have to consolidate that, but then that's overwhelming, and then I'm just sitting there and I'm so tired and I do nothing, and then I feel bad, right? That was just even exhausting to say. How was that to hear? But can you relate? Yeah. So here's what I've learned. Um, I stopped trying to do anything when I'm in that state. One of the best tools that has helped me is when I notice that I am now overwhelmed, so my mind is in that state of just like fast. And again, that is

also a very, very powerful thing, right? Because consider what happens when your mind is that fast, but it's working for you versus against you. And you can always tell the difference. I can, because what happens when my mind clicks in and it's working for me is I get done in one hour what I couldn't do in a year, literally. I have moments where I click into a sort of focused energy that is so profound, meaning it's like I'm observing it happening as I'm in it, and I start moving at a pace where I know the next move before I do it. I even the other day

when I got into one of those modes, when suddenly I clicked in again, trust the wave. Now, when I'm not in a space where I know I can get shit done, I just don't try to do shit then. That is, I know it sounds simple, but that is what's helped me the most. I stop trying to force myself to be productive when I feel like I'm not and I can't. It does not work because I know, and it took years of trusting this, that once my energy does come back, I will make it all back. I will make it up. This feeling that I've had my

whole life of I'm late. I'm late. No, fuck it. You are not late. I am not late. I am exactly perfectly on time. You are exactly perfectly on time. I think that's another thing. We're putting so much pressure on ourselves that we're late. We are not late. Where are you going to your death? Literally. You're not late. And that pressure of I'm late, I'm late, what happens? To me, when I'm in that mode, I start dropping shit, banging into things, making mistakes, and then I'm more frustrated. And then what happens? My energy gets more out of whack. So now my first tool, the thing that's truly

helped me is when I notice that kind of spastic, chaotic energy, I just I breathe. I I pause and I just I stop. I say, I'm not gonna do anything. And I know that seems honestly very radical. Like, really, there's all this shit to do, and you're behind, you have a million things, and you're just gonna do nothing. Yeah, it's fucking radical. It works because when you actually are in the right energy, like listener, if you have ADHD right now, or if you don't, but you know someone else who does, consider if this is resonant. When you are in the right energy, meaning you're inspired by

something, you're interested in something, and you're like in that zone, doesn't it feel like you can keep going and going and going and going, and time doesn't exist and it's even deeper than a state of flow? Like, let me give you an example of this. This was hilarious the other night. I had a day where, again, I'm also injured right now. So also I had to really start respecting my body needs to freaking rest. We do not give ourselves time to rest, and then we're frustrated when we're all overwhelmed and sick, and it's like, yeah, it's okay. So I had a day where by like five

o'clock, I've barely been able to do anything. I'm in so much pain physically, and I was just sort of in my mind a bit cluttered. And also, I want to note the reason that I have designed a life like I have, meaning I work for myself, I make my own schedule, is because I knew this about me. I knew that I needed a certain type of schedule. Because when I have space and time, I am invincible. I am so powerful. But when I had to be on like a nine to five, it just did not work for me. But it does work for some people. I

know a lot of people are like, oh, screw the nine to five. For some people who need and like that certain structure and the stability and the consistency, it is fantastic. Also, if you love what you're doing, you have a great team, you believe in your mission, hell yeah. For me, it did not work for a lot of reasons. That's why I decided if I'm gonna work in corporate, which I want to, I'm gonna do what I do, which is I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna try to bring in more humanity, more understanding, more coaching, more support, more love, more of the stuff that actually

always made me a successful saleswoman, for example, is that I listened. I cared. I told stories. It's all the same shit I'm doing now, honestly. I was real and I'm still real. And even more today, do I acknowledge that that intuition that I had to keep going and to have a life where I could have a day if I needed where I did nothing. Not because I'm lazy, but because somebody with the kind of energy that I've been given, which is massive and amazing, also needs time to learn how to balance it out and stabilize within that energy. I'm a big fan of mantras, literally, words.

We spell words. Why? Because they're spells. We cast spells with our words. That's why I said I was a psychic witch. Because my whole life I've been aware, I didn't know why I knew, and now I know all these tattoos, all these mantras, all these words, all these reminders. I've been creating myself for 25 years. And now when I look back, even the songs that I was singing back in the day, I have playlists throughout my life. I listen to them now. I literally sang my way, spoke my way into this moment where I'm sitting in Sausalito with the most beautiful view that's more epic than

the one I dreamed of. And I'm making a podcast, which was always a dream, although it took 10 years for it to start, and then poof, it's just it was the right time. And I'm not saying all this to be like, ooh, look at me and what I did. In fact, you know what? Again, if I had known the journey ahead, I'm so glad I didn't know. Had I known what was gonna happen to me, what I'd have to go through, the shit I'd have to swim through, the insane darkness that I would have to, I mean face, I would have said no, but I'm so

glad I didn't know because now I would do it again. You know why I would do it again? Because today, in this moment, I like myself. I respect myself. I have really stopped seeking validation from others in a way that used to hurt me, and I've become truly open to feedback from those that I admire and respect that helps me. I have in a lot of ways found that person inside that I always thought I could be, but I was frustrated I wasn't reaching my potential because I didn't quite understand what was blocking me, and I was too mean to myself and too frustrated with myself

to actually have the compassion and the ability to pause so I can figure that out. But I now have because I got so injured and so many hard things happened that the world really forced me to slow down. So that's another main thing I want you to consider is there is so much power in saying no, in going slow. I'm gonna be talking about how slow is the greatest medicine, I think, for the rest of my life. Uh that is literally medicine. Slow and steady doesn't just win the race. There is no race. That was the thing I said in the last episode because it's true,

the more I have truly embraced that I am exactly perfectly on time, the more my mind settles. And then it can start working with me versus against me. So trust the wave. When I'm in the part of the wave where it's like in between the waves, what's it called? Um, gosh, I know the actual surf term, but you know what I'm saying. There's a time to ride the wave, there's a time to just wait for the swell to come in. Also, you want to make sure that you're only riding waves, you're actually equipped to be riding, because if not, uh you might kill yourself, right? As

I almost did metaphorically, but emotional waves. I am an emotional big wave surfer. And now I'm like, uh-uh. How about a boogie board? I have learned through the years I do not make any important decisions anymore when I'm very emotional. Whether it's happy or sad or any emotion, that's not really a balanced place where I'm really my most discerning and like masterful self. I'm not able to really listen masterfully when I got too many emotions because they make everything seem worse than it is or better than it is, right? So again, trusting the wave, the first thing is that when you feel like crap, consider just

stopping doing anything and then actually doing something to rest. Not sitting around thinking about all the shit you gotta be doing. Because if that happens, here's a little tip for that. Always have a pen and pad of paper. Always. I don't care that you like your phone or you prefer to take notes digitally. I had this conversation with my partner for years, and then finally he did say, Okay, I got a journal. I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna convince you to do anything. It's like my job isn't to push you off the cliff, but trust me, putting pen to paper literally releases the energy from you.

So I have a pen and paper with me everywhere. And when I start to feel overwhelmed in my head, I literally just write it down. I get it out, and then I know somehow that it's like captured because there's this fear of, oh no, I don't want to forget it. So, like before bed, if you're someone who lays in bed at night and you have a lot of thoughts spinning, even if you don't have ADHD, a great way to just deal with that is you I say to myself, okay, I'm gonna write this down. And then now that it's out, I'm gonna deal with it in

the morning. And I tell myself, you can now go to bed. It's taken care of. Literally, remember, you are your own parent. You are your own child. You are the person who you are going to be spending literally every single second of your life with. What kind of relationship do you want to have with yourself? A lot of people who I know, myself included, in the ADHD realm, are really hard on themselves because I think they know their incredible power, but they're just frustrated at why can't I get things done? Well, the best thing that's helped me is to not make myself wrong for when I

don't get shit done. It's kind of like I see it as I'm charging. It's like if your phone died, you wouldn't be like, you are a crappy phone, you are not deserving of love. You can't get you'd be like, I need to charge my phone. Yeah, well, you gotta charge too. So charge up, and then when the wave comes in, ride that wave, even if it's after a long ass day and you haven't done anything, right? That was another thing I talked about in another episode. I love a mantra. It's it's never too late to start your day. So here's another moment. I'm sitting here in

my living room. It's a disaster, it's a mess, because also I've been just in a big um, this has been the most transformative time of my life, which after the transformative times I've already had is saying a lot. But losing rad, my best friend, my soul dog, and then being so handicapped from the grief that I haven't been able to walk. Like literally, I couldn't stand up for most of the last couple of months, let alone clean my apartment. So I'm sitting in a mess, which also is hard for the ADHD mind, by the way. We function much better in a cleaner, more calm state. Okay,

one quick tip for that. I sat down the other day at my computer and I saw my desktop, and I'd been meaning to clear that desktop forever. And I was like, screw it. If it takes less than five minutes, do it now. That's another great mantra that's really helped me. If it takes less than five minutes, just do it because you're gonna forget and then you're gonna get mad. And that's been another great thing. I looked, I selected everything on my desktop and poof, put it in a folder, and instantly, oh my god, I could breathe better. Okay. So I'm sitting in the chair, going back

to that story, and I'm looking at my view, and I have this gorgeous view of Angel Island and the bay, but the the windows, it's like a glass windows, they're so dirty. And I've been looking at them for months, being like, oh my God, they're so dirty. But every time I want to clean the windows, I'm like, I get distracted, and there's something else that seems more important. So this time I'm like, okay. And literally, another tool is I coach myself. I literally talk to myself, do this. Who cares if it sounds or looks weird? A no, like, even if it is weird, are you more

interested in looking a certain way or just having a fulfilling life that feels good? I mean, honestly, I cared a lot what people thought of me my whole life, up until the point where I didn't want to get in a wheelchair when my legs were injured because I was a little concerned of how I'd look, and that's where it all changed. I said, screw it.

No longer am I gonna be more concerned of if I look a little crazy or if I look weird. Uh-uh. I talk to myself all the time. It's effective, it's helpful. We have parts of ourselves. When you learn that, it's magic, but it's also science. So anyway, I said, okay, get up. And I said, all you're gonna do is go to the kitchen, get the Windex, and you're gonna go clean that window. That was my only task. It was very clear. And again, you know, for me, getting up and walking to the kitchen is actually a big thing because of my injuries. So I get up,

and as I'm walking to the kitchen to get my Windex, I remember that. Oh, I didn't feed Mello. And I'm like, okay, well, now that I'm in the kitchen, I'm gonna feed Mello because it's time for dinner. And then I reach for Mello's food and I'm like, oh no, it's running low. Let me just get in the closet and get his food so that I can refill the bowl. So as I open the closet to get his food, I see how absolutely messy the closet is, and it's so overwhelming. And I'm like, screw it, I'm already in this closet. Let me just clean this closet. So

then I start cleaning this closet, and I'm like, you know, really doing like there, it's like there's so much, and I'm realizing by this point already what's happening. I'm like, you came in here for the Windex, then you got, you took a really awesome detour. Pivot, pivot, pivot, detour, detour. Now you're looking at the food, but now you're cleaning the closet. But you know what? I remembered what I said is when you hit one of those waves, just go with it. Just go with it. And I let myself. And then that somehow led to me getting outside to my deck and wiping that. The the point

of the story is I meant to go grab the Windex. And instead, I got to my kitchen, cleaned a closet that I've been meaning to clean for literally a year, uh, also cleaned a part of my deck that I've been wanting to clean, washed the dishes, which I'd been needing to do. And I think there were three other things I ended up getting done. And at every stage when I noticed my mind going this, that, I've developed this ability to truly be aware and observing what I'm doing. And again, this is something that took me over a decade. And I encourage you, start just noticing more.

Uh wow, now I'm cleaning the closet. And then you can pause and go, is this a detour I want to take? And let yourself take the detours. You see, Rads behind me, rad, my love. Rad stands for really awesome detour. One of the best tools I have as someone with ADHD for others who have ADHD is let yourself take as many detours as you consciously choose to take. Because as I was cleaning my kitchen, as I was actually trying to grab the Windex, I was also distracted by this cup that I found that I really like that I made. And I started thinking about pottery and

how it would be so cool if I could organize all of my pottery in the drawer. And I started and then I paused and thought, nope, this is not the detour I'm going to take, come back. So it was like within the detours, other detours appeared, and I was like, eh, eh, no, it's a training because you can't keep taking every single detour, then you'll never finish anything. But sometimes give yourself that space where whatever feels right, just do it because guess what? Uh, I ended up cleaning that closet, doing the dishes. I did feed Mello and get his food finally organized. I cleaned a part

of my deck. I at least put all of my pottery in one space, even though I didn't need to organize it then. And then I got back to my couch two hours later and realized I'd never grabbed the Windex. And the windows were still dirty. And I just laughed because I'm just nice to myself now. And I know that sounds really simple, but the compassion piece is probably the most powerful tool of all. Is that now when I notice that I'm exhausted, like really drained, instead of kicking myself, I'm just like, damn, that must be really exhausting. People don't understand what it's like to have a

mind this active. People my whole life have been like, you're so confident and you're so outspoken and strong. Yeah, those are all true. I am all those things. And I have been the most critical person of myself. I'm always thinking, feeling, observing to a level of that does make me a great psychic and an energy worker because I can feel energy at a level that most people can't. That's why I'm very careful where I go. I can walk into a room, and I have, where if I'm really focused, and now I really put myself into that energy because I've really been embracing more of those psychic

witch abilities, because again, it's energy. We all have these powers and abilities. I think most of us just don't believe in ourselves enough to cultivate them. And I am, and I have, because that's what's going to help the world. Like, bottom line, I came here, I think, to make an impact and a difference. And I spent most of my life trying to please my parents and society and other people, even though everyone was like, oh, you're not a people pleaser. I was absolutely a people pleaser. I just didn't know it. I think we're all conditioned to fit into some system, and some of us just know

that we do not more. And so I am speaking as one of those people. I just didn't fit into the way that I was told to do most things. And I fought against it most of my life, and now it's very clear that I was right. And I'm really glad that I fought, and I wish I didn't have to fight because I think if I didn't have to fight so much, I would have been healthier. But it's never too late because I'm only 39. And this is the youngest that I'll ever be, and I am exactly perfectly on time, and a no is a yes to

something better. And now when I don't get the shit done that I needed to get done, I put it on the list. And the thing that also helps me is every day I ask myself, what is just one thing? One thing that if I did today would feel great. One, put everything else aside. Because when I look at, look, this is this is what my lists look like. There's usually something on a piece of paper, but then there's something in a journal, but then there's another journal and a phone. And at this point, one of the things that used to be really frustrating was I'd have

all these ideas constantly, which again, other people see as like, wow, that's so amazing. And it is. I am a visionary, I am an innovator, I come up with ideas, I'm a big picture thinker, I've been this way my whole life. But it's actually really overwhelmed me because it's like nonstop sometimes. So then I was writing stuff down everywhere and trying to capture it, and I was so overwhelmed. And now I just write it down and I just trust fuck it. If it's really important, I'll do it. I've released the pressure valve. Like everything isn't that urgent. You know why I know that? Is because I

just faced the worst thing that ever could have happened just happened. I really lost the love of my life in the most tragic way. And somehow I survived. And not only did that happen, but my legs broke. So I haven't been able to walk, and I was all alone, and I didn't have much work, so I wasn't really making a lot of money, and I had every reason to panic and fall back into an absolutely cataclysmic depression, but I didn't, and that was fascinating. And I think the reason I didn't is because I've just realized through all this it's not worth it. Like it doesn't really

matter. Most of the shit that was uh spinning in my mind was just thoughts, thoughts that are not real. Our thoughts are not real. Our feelings they feel real, but they're just feelings. So I really invite you, especially if you're someone like me that was always so resistant, to just sit down and breathe. Just take a few breaths. If ever you're forcing yourself to do something and you know it's not flowing, just stop. Take a pause. And whatever resistance might be coming up for you. Well, we can't just, yeah, you can, unless you're a freaking brain surgeon, where if you stop, you will kill someone, or

unless you're really doing something where you pausing for five minutes is going to have a massive, big negative impact on something you can pause because it's not on fire. That is just a way of being that you've been conditioned to be, and if it's working for you, keep doing it. But it's not working for you. It's not. And that's it. I've never met a single person who loves to be in a panic zone, who's like, oh, I love being in a panic zone. Although, if you do have ADHD, do you notice how you show up real well in an emergency? Yeah, that's another thing that we

do really well. I am the best. I will stay super calm and focused if there's an emergency. And then after I will crash like for a really long time. That's another thing I've learned is I need a lot of time to recover because when I'm focused, I am so laser focused. The other day, I moved around furniture in my apartment. I rearranged my entire apartment. I have lived here for over a year, and I just haven't had the energy, inspiration, drive. I don't know. But then recently, interestingly enough, now that I'm literally handicapped in a way, like I have these massive injuries, suddenly my my energy

started flowing back, and I realized how much I was ready to move my space and really kind of start over. I wasn't ready before. And now I have done it in a couple of days by myself injured, and I didn't even re-injure myself. Why? Because I did it really slowly. I was aware of every single movement. I was aware of what muscles I was using. I took a million breaks. I stopped running. Telling you, slowing down is the best medicine. Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. If you notice you're overwhelmed, stop. Breathe. If you notice that wave is coming, ride it. It doesn't matter if

it's midnight. Last night I had one of those moments too where I was like, oh gosh, really? Here's the wave of energy. And I was like, but I gotta go to sleep. I'm like, no, yes, you do gotta go to sleep. Sleep is literally number one most important. Oh, it's 12-12. Shout out. I see you, universe. I also saw 11-11. Today is a very powerful day for manifestation. One more time. So I'm just calling that out. I'm glad I'm recording this today, even though a part of me feels like I'm just rambling and I don't even know if this makes any sense, which is again interesting,

right? We're so hard on ourselves. You out there are probably so much harder on yourself than others are. People are often reflecting back to me things that are actually really helpful to hear. Because still to this day, as confident as I am in the things that I do, well, it's still so helpful to get a reflection of some of these things. Because most of us, no, actually, all of us are wired towards negativity. Our brains have a negativity bias, and then there's a confirmation bias. So we literally seek out evidence to prove what we think and believe is true. So if you're someone who's walking around

thinking, God, I have I'm so disorganized and I get nothing done and I suck, you will find evidence for that. So you gotta change your freaking story. You know, if you're gonna tell a story, make it a good one. So instead of, God, I have ADHD and I can never focus and get anything done. How about, wow, I have ADHD? And for me, it's really, really important to be mindful of when I have energy and when I don't. So now I'm gonna pay really good attention to that. And in the moments where I have it, I'm gonna be so unbelievably productive that holy shit, wow, look

what I can do. And in the moments where I don't, like have a plan, right? Have some sort of plan. For me, I literally somewhere knew that I needed a life where I didn't work too much because when I work, I give it all. When I teach, if you've been in one of my classes, I am so there. When I'm coaching people, I am laser focused. I am masterfully listening to them. I am not in my head, I'm not distracted, I'm not thinking about anything. Think of how many activities you do in a day where you're actually that focused. Yeah. Not only does it feel amazing

and people feel seen and heard, and it's effective, but it takes energy and then you need to rest. Versus, I've had days where I've sat at a desk trying to work for eight hours, but I'm half distracted the whole time. And then not only did I not really get my work done, but then I'm frustrated. That's what I'm talking about. I'd rather have a few hours of solid, great, masterful, focused work than a ton of work where I'm like scattered. And I'm saying all this with zero judgment. I'm saying as as I've been there, I'm still sometimes there. But honestly, I have committed the last 15

years of my life to really wielding this power within me because I sensed that it was a superpower. And even last night, wow, it's one. I just looked at the time and it's one hour 33 seconds. And I don't even know if I covered the main things that I wanted to cover. Because funny enough, I did kind of plan this episode. I even had a super rad title. And I realized that if I started recording, I might as well keep going. Because you know what? That is my way of doing it. So I'm gonna pause for a moment and I will end with this story that

I wrote because I think this story is super rad and it's about why I am single. And I do think that has to do kind of with ADHD. And actually, instead of searching, let me just take a moment and breathe. Why don't you do that with me? Why don't we just

yeah, let's take a breath, and I'm just gonna really trust myself in this moment that if I was to really share the most important wisdom that's come to me as someone who has always had a deeply, deeply fast, strong, powerful mind, but who's often struggled with organization and um quitting things. God, I quit so many things, but I just felt like it wasn't right. And you know what? I was right. I'd quit them all again. The only things that I regret quitting were things like the guitar. I still have the guitar that I've had since I was 16. And you know why I quit that? Here's

why because. It was hard because I'm usually so good at stuff that as soon as I was doing something and it felt a little challenging, I didn't like that discomfort. And I was so powerful that my parents couldn't like convince me otherwise. So I even say now, I wish you had disciplined me more. It would have helped me more when I got older, but I get why they couldn't, because I was gonna win every fight. I was so stubborn then that I was like, nah, I don't want to do it. So in those cases, I wish I hadn't quit something because I didn't want to suck

at it. That I've gotten better at. Now I'm like, oh my God, I don't mind being bad at something. It's still uncomfortable. But it's like, of course, when you haven't done something, you got to get past that initial discomfort, right? However, like with a book that I don't like, I'm sorry. I'm sure there's two schools of thought. Some people say, I keep going. Good for you. If you're someone who feels really good spending time reading a 400-page book that you really don't like just to say you did it or feel good, cool. Never gonna be me. Ever that, you know, I say never say never, but

no, I will not do it because it's not the best use of my time. Because when people like me and you out there who have ADHD or connect to this, you know that when you're doing something you're really into, that you can do incredible things, that you can you can do anything. You are a superhero. But when you're stuck doing the wrong shit that is not interesting or boring, it will not just make you unhappy. I think it could ruin your health. Like, I think that's the biggest thing I've learned is for me, having fun is a strategy. I have to make it fun. That's why

I've often been told I make things fun. Yeah, because then I can do it. I like hard work. I just don't want to be winning a race when I'm running in the wrong direction. And also I am not interested in running any races. Done. Period. You want to go run, you go run. But we don't need to keep running. That is a choice. So maybe that's the whole point here is let yourself rest if you feel like you need the rest. I guarantee once the energy comes back, you'll do it. You'll do it well. And find your own system. For me, at this point, the system

of I just write stuff down wherever I can to get it out of my head. And then I do sit down in a clear space, even a little space, even if the house is a mess, I have some little area where I can breathe and I consolidate my lists and I start with one thing. I have my must-haves and my nice to haves. And then I have anything that's actually urgent, start. And if it's not urgent and I'm tired, I do it tomorrow. Period. It's just not worth my health. So I'm gonna end this episode by bringing it back to what I started with, which is

I sat in the chair and I was like, why am I single? And I worked with AI and then we wrote this article. And I'm just gonna read it because it's fucking rad and I love it. And I almost, I don't know if I should just publish it as a separate episode because it's, I guess, a different topic, but I think it's connected actually because, first of all, it just shows that we all have our own path. Some of us are single, some of us are not. Some of us have ADHD, some of us don't. Some of us like to do things fast, and some of

us like to do things slow. Some of us like to work a nine to five, some of us do not. Whatever it is, we gotta really remember that we're not better than someone just because we're better at something. That distinction still I mention all the time. It changed my life, and may it help you. Better at versus better than.

I'll remember and I'll uh jot it down maybe in the notes of the episode, but I didn't make it up, but I'm just sharing it. Better at versus better than. Just because you have an ability to do something better than someone doesn't mean you're better. No, I said it backwards. Ha ha. Yes, bringing it back. Just because, or did I say it backwards? Oh my god, you see the mind? Okay, I am not gonna cut that. Just because you can do something better than someone doesn't mean you're better than them. Just because you're better at speaking, or better at making spreadsheets, or better at dancing, or

better at closing deals, or better at listening, doesn't mean you're better than. So embrace the things you're better at and embrace the things you're not better at because it's not about you being a better person or being better than someone. Really, I hope that lands with you as much as it landed for me. So, yes, I am better at all kinds of things. I am better at doing live impromptu recordings, probably, than most people I've ever met. I can put a phone in front of me and make a video, and most of the time I've heard it's like, wow, did you plan that? No, I'm better

at that. I am absolutely not better at all kinds of other stuff that has to do with like organization and spreadsheets and that type of shit. But I really value those skills. And in fact, I love to enhance those skills just a bit, but it doesn't make sense for me to spend most of my time there because there's people who actually do that so much better and they enjoy it. And when I can do where I have a genius and they can do that and we can collaborate, ooh, that is magic. That is what's gonna make the world better. So, again, last night I wrote this

with my AI, and it's about why am I single? Because just like ADHD, it's like there have been all these questions like, why am I this way? So I'm gonna read this because I really like it. And again, it's like it took me 39 years and 13 heartbreaks and a lot to get to this moment where this was put together so beautifully and it was random. It was a detour, it wasn't what I planned, neither is this moment, but I think it's pretty amazing. So, what if everything is happening perfectly? Another question I love. So, we're gonna end this ADHD episode with a short article that

since today is the powerful day of manifestation, I could see this being published in a Vogue or a Vanity Fair or some other. I just want people to read this. This is for all the ADHD and maybe single people out there, or just for any people out there who are still listening and engaged, and I thank you for that. So the title of this is Single, Satisfied, Self-Made, and Soulfully Open. A radical love journey. Okay, Jinx. Uh, I'm actually not gonna read it. Here's the thing: I did read it, okay, and then I had to re-record this part because I read it. And then in the

middle of me reading it, I realized I was reading the wrong version of it because I had a few versions, but I finished it. And then when I finished it, I was like, damn, that one isn't so bad, but that's not it. And then I wasn't gonna read the other more correct version, but then I realized this is my show. I could do what I want. So then I did read that version, and then again I realized it was not the right version, which is just another example of my brain sometimes. I really want to model the fact that it's okay to realize that sometimes you're

a mess. We're such a paradox, you know. That's what was really messing me up earlier in my life. I really didn't understand how I could be all of these different things. How could I be both the most outgoing person and also the most shy and quiet? And when I would say that to people, they would laugh. No, you're not. And I'd always think, you don't know me. But the thing is, we see what we see and we make up stories. Those who really know me, and there's very few people that I actually really let into my life in well, in this moment for sure, because I've

realized that I don't actually feel super comfortable being my true self around most people because I am somebody with a massive continuum. I am a lot, and it's bold and bright and loud, and it's also really quiet and solemn and melancholy, and not everyone can handle or wants to live and hang out with that continuum. We have many parts, we make many decisions, there's so many ways of being, and the thing is, I am not for everyone, neither are you, and that's okay. I realized at some point, which is why I like this show, that I don't need everyone to like me, I don't need everyone

to respect me. I really, really realized that the main thing I needed and wanted was my own love and respect, and to that I could stick with my own choices, right? I had this amazing cousin, I have an amazing cousin, shout out to Sergei in Belgium. He once said something a long time to me that was like, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to make a decision, but once you make it, you stick to it, right? And as someone with my ADHD mind, it's like, oh, I want to do this or I want to do this, and there's a million questions. And so I

say, take the time to figure it out because uh there is no wrong decision, right? And you don't even need to justify yourself, right? You can choose whatever you want to choose. I love that word choice. In fact, I'm gonna just let us get back to what I recorded before and say that I will read that why am I single story. But it didn't really feel like it fit into this episode. But if you were super excited to hear it, well, tune into the next episode or the one after. Because I'm gonna let myself choose uh, you know, when I want to post it. Because I'm

the captain of this ship, you're the captain of your ship, and I really do hope that this time you've spent here inspires you a little bit more to own your own self because you're great and you're perfect. And with that, let's bring it back to what I recorded uh on Friday. Okay, there is no wrong choice really when you can start really being your best supporter, whether it's in love or at work, in life, everything becomes better. Truly, the more I slow down, the more time I have. And as an ADHD brained person, that is the best thing I can leave you with. And even as

a non-ADHD brained person, truly, slowing things down allows you to really savor them, to actually pay attention. That is the essence of masterful listening. Masterful listening is all really about deeply paying attention to what is, to the words, to the energy, to the feeling. So notice how you feel right now. What was it like if you've actually stayed this whole time? Then wow, first thank you. That was a ride, that was a journey. I feel like I talked super fast and I said so many things. And um, I hope they're useful to you. So, since we're at the world's first super rad listening school, and this

is episode 49 or 50, depending on if you count the trailer or not, um, it's a big deal. I'm proud of myself. This show is the first thing that's been a dream for a long time in my life that I didn't just start, but I'm doing and continuing to do. You know why? Because I love it and it's fun and it's creative and it's hard work and it's connected to my values, and it was just time. It was time, so trusting timing. All right, that's it. Your homework is to be a little bit nicer to yourself, catch yourself if you're being mean, stop it. Just go

stop. Literally, that's a tool. Next time you're having a thought and you're being mean to yourself because you didn't do the thing or you mess something up, notice it. Take a breath and say, stop it. Or you can say, What would Svetlana tell you? And you know what Svetlana would tell you? She would say, Hey, it's okay. You're doing your best. You're exactly perfectly on time, you have enough time, and now when you ground, you want to come up with something we can do to make it even better? Yeah, there's nothing wrong with you. You don't need to be fixed. You do not have a deficit

just because you have a difference. And I mean that. Better be listening. Thank you for listening. I'll see you next time.