Singing Love Songs To Yourself | Yep, It's Time For a Musical Affair With Self Love 💗

Speaker 1 Hello, masterful listeners. I am beyond stoked for this episode because, well, not only are we uh going back into the listening school, but I'm not just gonna talk and share an epic story and confuse it with some pretty rad listening exercises and tools, but I'ma sing a little bit because what's our topic? What's the episode about? Singing love songs to Yoseo. Who doesn't love a good love song? Oh man. I first of all think that for me, or I don't think I know, I feel music is my man, one of my most powerful medicines. Music is art. Art for me as an artist is, I mean,

Speaker 1 it's not just who I am and what I do, it's saved my life. Art, painting, music is the reason I'm wearing this rad hat. I've been painting lyrics, mantras, words my whole life. They're all over my body. I'm showing my uh a piece of my sleeve here on the video. Uh, words are so powerful, language is so powerful, and that's just the neuroscience perspective. That's also the spiritual perspective. I mean, there's so much data that shows that the words that we say turn into the things that we do, and those change our life, right? Words, feelings, all of that is so key, and yet we are

Speaker 1 not our words and our thoughts and our feelings. And yet, if we were talking to ourselves and singing to ourselves the way that we might get inspired to write a love song and sing a love song to someone else, oh boy. So, what do I mean by that? Well, uh, I have a guest um singer here with me, uh, a backup singer. So uh let me let me just show you. And by the way, me singing live is not actually something I'm very comfortable with, but what are we doing here? We're masterfully listening to ourselves enough to know that I want to push myself. And this

Speaker 1 isn't about sounding good, this is about showing you what was one of the things that was actually the most fun way that I saved my own life when I felt like I was drowning. Okay, so let's do this. Oh, wrong song. Actually, let's start with this one. It wasn't what I was gonna do, but maybe it's what I'm supposed to do. Who knows this song?

Speaker 1 Shout out to the flaming lips.

Speaker 1 Do you realize?

Speaker 1 Do you realize?

Speaker 1 Beautiful face.

Speaker 1 All right, so I just sang that, looking at my own face here as I'm recording. That's what singing love songs to yourself is all about. I'm gonna share a story about how I came to this practice and how I realized that I'd been waiting my whole life. First, I wanted someone to write me letters. I was like, oh, I just want to meet someone who's gonna write me love letters, and I want to meet someone who's gonna write me songs, and and you know, oh, what's better than that? And then I was a you know disappointed a lot because first of all, uh, I didn't meet

Speaker 1 anyone who wrote me epic letters at that point, and I love love songs, and I always thought of them as well, they're written for someone, inspired by someone, and they're typically sang to someone, and yet what would it be to look at my own face in the mirror and sing those words that had inspired me and and and really given me a lot, just even thinking about others. But what would it be if I sang them to myself? And I started doing this as a mental wealth practice when I was in a really dark place, and I'm telling you, it brought me back to life because

Speaker 1 I realized waiting for someone to write you a letter, get you a gift, sing you a song, to do anything for you, there's this bit of a it's like a hint of desperation, you know. And when I feel that energy that someone's like desperate for something, uh that's not something I find very attractive. But when I feel like someone's just like so full and inspired and in love with life, with themselves, and they want me, and they they give me, oh my God, it's just so much, honestly, it's just for me way more powerful. Um, it's kind of like I discovered, I think most people think

Speaker 1 I fall in love with you. I fall in love with this person. I think the people who I've really been in love with, they helped me tune into a state of being in love where suddenly I'm in love with everyone, I'm in love with the trash man, I'm in love with the people on the street. Have you noticed that when you're in love, you're kind of in love with everything? And that's the point, is that it is all in you. So why are we always seeking from others? Well, we're taught to do that, right? From when we're kids. You be a good girl, be a good

Speaker 1 boy, then you get a treat, then you you get a present. You're bad, that's bad. So I'm not even gonna go into all that. That's just like a whole societal thing. But the point that I wanted to make here, and what I want you to get inspired to do after this episode, and I'm gonna link a Spotify playlist called Singing Love Songs to Yourself, because I made one because I've been doing this for many, many, many years. And everyone I've shared this with has not only just loved the idea, but you gotta do it. And then please tell me how did it work? This to me

Speaker 1 has been the most fun, simple way to heal that part of myself that needs love and wants love. But the thing I was searching for was not in a man, it was not in a woman, it was not in anyone, it was in me. And yet, all these experiences and and times with people, they led me there, right? I had a profound moment one day where I was like, I've traveled the whole world, I've dated so many people, I've been in love, and yet the person I'd been searching for all along was me. And all those people I loved gave me a little puzzle piece of

Speaker 1 myself that when it all clicked in, and I saw myself in the mirror, and I realized how hard it was to look at myself sometimes and love myself fully and sing those words of profound love to me, man. It was it was profound. I'm also I'll link a video. I I made this years ago on Instagram of me singing a little bit and talking about this because again, this is not a new concept. This is just, I'm I'm sharing stories on this podcast that have really that they're fundamentally about masterful listening. What did it take me to start listening to others and to myself in a

Speaker 1 way where I healed from the kind of darkness that I once had a psychiatrist say he's never seen someone else come out of a state that I was in without like massive amounts of medicine, which again at that point I hadn't taken. Later, I did take some medicine. This isn't about medicine. This is about finding medicine in your daily life and having small little habits, in addition to any other medicine you might be taking, which might be great. When we take our health and our joy into our own hands, we take our power back, right? And this society hasn't exactly empowered us to feel powerful because

Speaker 1 frankly, it's a lot easier to control people who don't feel powerful. And yet I want you to know that you are so powerful. And you might not be, you know, as great of a singer as, let's say, Celine Dion, who I will end the show with, but it doesn't matter, it's not about being great at singing or writing or whatever, it's about giving yourself the thing that you actually can give yourself and stopping, waiting for a person, a job, anything to feed you. Because when you keep looking outward, you're always gonna want more and more and more. Okay, so let me introduce how I'd like for

Speaker 1 you to listen to today's story. Well, first check in. Do you want to? You want to hear a really epic story of one of the most romantic and beautiful relationships of my life with a person who I really, really thought was my husband after many years of um very painful heartbreak. And I was wrong. He was not my husband, but he's an incredible human being who I also dedicate this episode to. I haven't spoken to Anthony in a very long time, but if you ever hear this, I told you and I will keep telling you, your ability to write words and tell stories is the most

Speaker 1 beautiful one I've ever encountered. And at the end of this episode, I'm actually gonna read something that Anthony wrote that is a letter uh written to me called Just a Touch of Inspiration. It is still to this day the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I have performed it at a few open mic nights, and I've always credited Anthony. Thank you to my iPhone, which should have been turned off, and I'm gonna just keep going. It was like I feel like the universe going ding, Anthony, but but really, um that letter you wrote me that he wrote me was not just so moving and beautiful,

Speaker 1 and very connected to singing love songs to yourself. It's just it shows that the things we get from others, the letters we get, the songs we might get, the gifts we might get, they're amazing. They're profound. My love language is gift giving. I love giving gifts and receiving them. And you know what I've started doing in the last couple of years? Anytime I order something online for myself, I mark at the end that it's a gift and I write myself a little uh letter of gratitude and of, you know, here's a gift from me to me for this. Why not? Why not make everything an experience

Speaker 1 of self-love? Not only does it literally feel nice, it heals us. You know, quantum physics shows that the observer changes what they're seeing. Literally, when we look through a certain lens, when we masterfully listen to ourselves and our wants, our desires, and respect them and think, hmm, so I really want this. I really wanted a love letter, but I never got one. So one day I wrote myself a love letter. And I'm gonna begin the story with that. But the way I invite you to listen is A, check in. Do you really have curiosity? Do you have time to listen? B, I want you to listen

Speaker 1 to this story with a full, open heart. And what I mean by that this time is not only are you listening masterfully, which I'm assuming you might have already tuned into some other episodes. And if you haven't, I'm gonna quickly go over what that means. And if you've heard this eight times, great. I think we need to hear something like 17 times for it to click in. So notice what it's like to listen to something you might have heard already. You might always get something new. Masterful listening simply means you're listening to my words, my energy. You're not thinking about yourself, but you're really connected to

Speaker 1 me. Notice what I'm saying, what I'm not saying. Notice how I'm speaking. And the other tool that I want to invite here is when you listen with an open heart, that means you are fully present. That means that I want you to take a moment right now. Let's do this together and just take a breath.

Speaker 1 And open your heart, meaning allow everything that's brought you to this moment to be here with you. Meaning, I'm assuming you, whoever you are, might have at some point had a heartbreak, might have at some point loved a song. And maybe if that song was associated with a relationship that ended. For me, that's really made those songs hard to listen to, right? Because then I think about the time I had, and if it ended and it was hard, it makes me sad. And yet, how beautiful is it just to have loved. You know, that's what helped me survive a lot of my heartbreaks. I've had some

Speaker 1 people say, wow, Svet, after what you've been through, it's amazing that you still are open to love. And I'm like, yeah, because I don't want to turn into one of those people that's just resentful and is just torn down by the fact that, yeah, my love stories, while epic, have not been, they haven't lasted, meaning I haven't turned that moment in time, whether it was three months or one day or two years, into a lasting forever relationship. And yet that's not the only definition of what a real love story is, right? I've had some love stories that lasted half a year that profoundly changed me in

Speaker 1 my core. So I want you to listen from that place of all of your experience, all the love you've felt, all the love songs you've heard, and then just feel that right now. Just give yourself a moment to just even acknowledge you've been through a lot. You've loved, you've lost, you've been in pain, you've been in joy. I can make that assumption safely if you're a human being who's been paying at all any attention to yourself, which if you're listening to this podcast, I'm imagining is probably true. And with that, if you get distracted, if you start thinking about your own pain, love, just come back.

Speaker 1 Come back. Just the best way to practice listening is just when you notice you're distracted, come on back. So, yeah, this story is about love letters and love songs and what it means to go inward versus outward. And here's how it began. I spent my 20s, as I've mentioned before, as a happiness researcher. And I got to this point in my happiness research where I realized I don't know if it's just about happiness. This was like maybe six or seven years in. I'd been traveling the world. I've been studying company culture. I wanted to be happy at work. I actually wanted to figure out what that

Speaker 1 meant, which was where I got really involved with the company delivering happiness. And I was basically working at a part of Delivering Happiness, which was started after uh Tony Shea uh had had such massive success with Zappos. And by the way, Tony's uh 50th birthday would have been a few days ago. So I just want to send him a big dose of love wherever uh his spirit is, because Tony Shay really not just changed my life, but I think fundamentally changed the business world by by showing people that happy employees and culture does make a difference, not just for companies to make money, but just for

Speaker 1 people's lives. And when I was at Delivering Happiness, I was basically in charge of the business development for I was selling for the delivering happiness at work branch. So I was, you know, talking to a lot of company owners and companies about how they can build healthier cultures. That's what we were helping people do, a sort of consultancy. And after that, funny enough, I realized I wasn't actually happy and I left, which was also very sad and ironic. And I ended up at Google. I'm actually going to tell that story on another episode because literally taking a nap led me to Google, which was not the

Speaker 1 way I thought I'd end up at Google, which was kind of back in college, my dream of working. Google was just so massive in terms of what they were doing. This was like almost 20 years ago. Um, and I met Anthony at Google. But what was fascinating about when I met Anthony, I met Anthony on July 19th, 2013. And the only reason I literally know that is my birthday is the 18th. And I know I met him the day after my birthday. And about maybe a few months before that, I was doing my monthly ritual of writing a letter of gratitude in advance for the next

Speaker 1 month on the full moon. So, as I mentioned in another episode, I am kind of, I call myself midwoo. What does that mean? In my core, my whole life, uh, for anyone who understands astrology, I have four planets in cancer: my sun, my moon, my rising. Like what that means, very bottom line is that I am all water and emotion. Cancers are the mothers of the zodiac, they're the feelers, they're the psychics. So I've been very tuned in to a very deep spiritual emotional center that frankly most humans do not tune into as much just because my composition is kind of just designed that way. That's

Speaker 1 made my life extremely beautiful. It's also made it very difficult at times because I feel things at a profound level. And so when they're great, I can tap into a level of euphoria that's honestly more powerful than any drugs I've taken. But I can also go down to a level of despair that's just as strong. And so I've had to learn how to navigate that part. And I'm a researcher, I've been collecting data for almost 20 years. So I've always tried to blend these two. And I found that when on a full moon, I wrote a letter of gratitude in advance. What it did was it

Speaker 1 almost like exponentially uh created a sort of manifestation where I think a lot of people misunderstand that word is so thrown around, it actually kind of bugs me when I hear people talking about manifestation because uh people think it's, well, I'm gonna manifest this because I want it. It's like, no, you have to believe you already have it. That's how it actually shows up. And by the way, it's showing up faster and faster these days in my life because I've ingrained so many of these beliefs at this point, where also I'm detached. I don't need anything to happen, but I know who I am and I

Speaker 1 know what's it's like what you seek is seeking you. And I already feel like I have it before I have it. So I've been writing these letters and I wrote a letter to the universe saying, thank you so much, because in this time, I attracted the most incredible humans, opportunities. I feel so much love. I feel so much abundance. I literally write it in advance, but as if it's already happened. So it's almost like I'm looking back at the next month, but I'm looking forward. I hope that makes sense. Uh when you know it's yours, even before you have it, which sounds maybe a little bit

Speaker 1 Delusional and counterintuitive, but you might want to trust me. But guess what? You might want to just do it. Because at the end, I'm going to give you a lot of homework in this episode. And if you do it, I can pretty much guarantee that it will have a profound impact on your life at some point. Because also remember, there are miracles every day and magic. I see it every day because I'm always looking for it. But some things take time. It took me years to get to the point where I wrote a letter. And not only did I write that letter, but I decided, fuck

Speaker 1 it, I'm done waiting for some gorgeous man to show up and write me a letter. I'm going to write my own damn love letter. I still have that letter somewhere. It was not only a beautiful love letter that I wrote to me, signed by me, but I even mailed it to myself because I love getting mail. Like no one sends mail anymore. If someone ever wants to um have me fall in love with them, just mail me a letter handwritten. I mean, done. It's just so rare. So I wrote that letter. And then what happens? Probably, I don't know, a month or two later, I'm sitting

Speaker 1 at Google in San Francisco, where I was working, and I meet this guy. I think we met in an elevator. Yeah. And so I was on this next stage of my journey where I went from happiness to inspiration. Because I was like, actually, it's not happiness, it's inspiration. So I was traveling a lot, and my question that I asked everybody when I met them was, oh hey, I'm Svetlana. Oh, hey, who are you? Cool. Hey, what inspires you? And it was honestly a very surprising question for most people because I mean, I'd never met anyone who that was the first thing they asked me. And I

Speaker 1 was really fascinated about what inspires people. I was writing a book about it at the time. I haven't finished that one yet because I pivoted. But before I get there, I met Anthony in an elevator. I noticed him because he was very tall and he had long hair. And I was just sort of like, I always say, if like Aquaman showed up at my door, that'd be great. But usually they don't. But Anthony actually looked like this being who I imagined showing up in my life. And how did I know that? Because I wrote him into my life in a letter a while ago. And when

Speaker 1 I asked him the question, he was just like very taken aback. And I think he said something like, Whoa, I wasn't expecting that, but I kind of want to just like I think about it. Can I can I get your email? Can I think about it and write to you? I'm like, sure. I love that. Sometimes you need to pause and think. That's cool. And he emailed me probably later that day or the day after. And he wrote something kind of quick and said, I actually want to reflect on this a little more, but I would you have coffee with me next week. Sure. I mean,

Speaker 1 I was drawn to him for some reason. I don't even need to know at this point why I'm drawn to people. If I am, I say yes. So I said yes. And we met up for coffee in North Beach in San Francisco at my favorite coffee shop that I'd found at that point. It reminded me a lot of the coffee shops that I used to visit when I lived in Rome. And I sit down with him. And again, I don't know this person. All I know about this person is that his name is Anthony. He was very moved by my question. He asked me to have

Speaker 1 coffee. And then he says, So I wrote something for you, and I'd like to read it to you, but I want to give this to you. And he hands me this, it looks like a scroll wrapped in a ribbon. And I'm like, okay, whoa. So I open this scroll and there's this beautiful letter. And he starts reading it. And it's called Just a Touch of Inspiration. And I'm going to read it to you right now. And again, thank you, Anthony Del Signore. You are the author of this. It is beautiful. And I still haven't found anything I thought was more beautiful, but even if I do,

Speaker 1 it doesn't change the fact that this moment fundamentally not only changed both of our lives, but uh yeah, rippled into how this podcast is happening in this moment. So here we go. What inspires you? asked the woman with the flaming torch of auburn hair. Her eyes were flickering embers, dancing, bright and excited. She gave the whole room a warm glow in the way only a comfortable fire can. She was radiant. What inspires me? I pondered aloud. Quick, something artsy. Anything to make her think you're even remotely cool or interesting. Poetry, literature, music, obviously, depending on the song, I probably blurted pretty pathetically. Not that these things

Speaker 1 don't inspire me, mind you, but too goddamn cliche for this one. She had that built-in bullshit detector Hemingway wrote about. You always think of something better to say afterwards in situations like that. The scenario replays itself over and over again in different ways until you're just as cool as the breeze you need on your bare back after a hard day's work in the sun. This then is what plays now. What happens in my dreams when the woman with the flaming torch of auburn hair asks me, What inspires you? What inspires me? The frost forming in frigid window frames as the snow lands softly outside and the

Speaker 1 warm breath inside that melts it with wonder. A hemp rope hammock slung lazily between whispering willows by a still pond underneath a summer twilight sky. And if you listen closely, you can hear what they're talking about. Standing atop a waterfall, plunging a hundred feet down into an arboreal gorge and looking up a couple hundred more to see the tops of trees feeding on the streams at their feet, or the smoldering smoky cones of volcanoes being greeted by black clouds lit with lightning, and watching the cataclysmic power of heaven and earth embrace, you know? Grains of sand between my toes, wet rolled up denim clinging to my

Speaker 1 legs, the taste of salt water on my lips, and the smell of the ocean, and sure, the tar on the soles of my feet to boot. A young child and puppy laughing and playing in high grass with fireflies for light, a man in a suit giving his umbrella to a man in rags on a rainy day, or a pink mohawk punk helping an old woman with her groceries, or you know, let's get cliche and say star-crossed lovers embracing with a beaming shimmer matched only by the full moon overhead and the starlit sky they're dancing under and with. You again, a Japanese word meaning an awareness of

Speaker 1 the universe that triggers emotional responses too deep, profound, and mysterious for words. Tree frogs, wildflowers, smiles, laughing, watching sunsets and staying up to see sunrise as people bursting from the boxes our judgmental brushes paint them into, bandanas covering youthful faces, disdainfully staring down tear gas, and words that strike like lightning muddled with the concussive thunder of profundity. Is this picture getting any clearer? Beethoven's seventh, Picasso's Guernica, Vonnegut, Twain, Eric Darby's Scratch and Dent Dreams, Lincoln, Buddha, Faulkner's As I Lay Dying, Karl Marx, Conrad's Heart of Darkness, Old Friends, New Friends, Hopes, Fears, Atmosphere's puppets, strength, courage, Nelson Mandela, the psychedelic, and staying up all night staring

Speaker 1 at a desert sky, watching the world hurdle through its space in the universe. What inspires me? Life, love, nature, beauty, great works by the minds of our past and present, and the songs of sirens that stoke the cinders of my soul into wildfires that can only be quenched by a drenching in shipwrecked rhetoric, shots of philosophical espresso and the actual snapshots of the seemingly mundane to those who just don't care enough to look for the beauty in the intrinsically unique fuck it. Let's just call it all beauty. It's neater that way, and just a touch more poignant. What inspires me? All things beautiful, and there are

Speaker 1 just so damn many, so many more than people ever think to give credit for. And during the hours of this semantic manifestation, a woman with the flaming torch of auburn hair and the word inspiration etched into the skin of her forearm during these hours it at you.

Speaker 1 So I mean, can you blame me for having this man move in with me in 10 days? Uh yeah, I still kind of get chills when I read those words and I read them because it is beautiful. And yes, the fact that I inspired that and it was written for me is epic. And yet it wasn't even about that. I was just like, damn, who are you? I needed to meet Anthony. He needed to meet me because he was an artist who hadn't been writing. And something about meeting me, it was, I was the muse at that point that inspired him to do what he was

Speaker 1 supposed to do. And I hope Anthony is still writing because his words are freaking profound. And he also read them to me that way. So I want to say he was like a performer, like a spoken word. So imagine me sitting there. I'm sitting there. I'd been dreaming my whole life of some beautiful man to write me letters. Then I said, fuck it. I'm gonna write myself a letter. I detached from it, and then he shows up and he writes me this. And not only did he write me this, but what he said right before that I just remembered when we sat down was I want

Speaker 1 to let you know that I've been in a relationship for three years and I've known for a while that it was over. But the second I met you, like I knew that it had to end. And I literally looked at him and I said, Okay, well, when it ends, let me know because I ain't trying to get into some drama with anyone in a relationship. But the point was sometimes when soulmates meet, and he was a soulmate, it it just is, right? You just know. It's like hard to explain. And funny enough, for a very long time after that day, Anthony came in every day with

Speaker 1 a different type of letter for me. One day he'd hand me a water bottle, and inside there was a rudder, uh, a rudder, a letter wrapped in there. Another time he gave me this like laminated heart uh shape letter. Like he kept not on, and I wasn't asking, by the way, for letters. He didn't even know that this was a dream I had. He just did it. How does this connect to singing love songs to myself? For reasons I am not gonna go into. During my relationship with Anthony at Google, my entire kind of universe fell apart. It was very, again, ironic and it was very

Speaker 1 devastating because Google was considered at that time the greatest place to work. Number one, I was writing articles for Great Place to Work Institute. I had met the man of my dreams, and I also happened to be in like real great shape. So I had the body, the job, and the guy that I'd always been wanting. And in my mind, when I got all those things, I would be so profoundly happy. And what happened? I fell into a depression that was so cataclysmic that literally, if someone had told me that would happen, I just would not have believed it because it just didn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 And yet it did happen. I got very sick physically, then I couldn't sleep. And then that was sort of the shit spiral that began that fundamentally has shifted who I am as a human being. I spent nine months in a place where that's when the psychiatrist at the end said that he's never seen someone get through that without like severe medical intervention, which by the way, I got plenty of intervention. The point is, through that time when I literally thought I was dying and I didn't know what to do, I my spirit wanted to live, whereas my human being was just in too much pain. And

Speaker 1 if anyone's ever been very depressed or known someone, um I think most people want to leave the world, not because they really do, because they can't live in pain anymore. And honestly, I don't even judge them because I've just been there for so long. But I think when we're meant to live, and I think what guided me was maybe this is actually maybe it wasn't happiness and inspiration, maybe it's depression and transformation. So that was the next thing I got into. For the next few years, I was in the transformation realm. What helped me get to transformation and then to resilience and then to compassion, which

Speaker 1 is sort of the space I've been in, and then masterful listening. Because guess what? It's all connected. When I was in that darkness, I was seeking out everything. I was like, okay, Western medicine in some ways, I can see how it's helpful. It wasn't helpful. Uh, Eastern medicine, yoga, freaking dharma, um, just dance. I was like, I don't know what to do. So I was just like trying anything I could, even though I couldn't really do anything. I kept meeting angels. I feel like the universe sort of sent me people to help along the way. And funny enough, when this all started happening, I was still

Speaker 1 with Anthony. He had no idea how to help me. And it was very, very, very, very sad because I was angry at him thinking, but you're supposed to be the love of my life. And you introduced me to your family as the woman I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with, and yet I'm drowning, and you can't help me. So I got angry at him because I was all messed up. And years later, we met up, and a lot of time had gone by. He wasn't married at this point, but he was with the person who he did end up marrying. And we had a

Speaker 1 very beautiful completion where it was actually really profound, and I'm so glad that this happened. Um, when we met, a very sweet moment at the very beginning of that kind of love story blooming or blossoming. We were outside of the Google building in San Francisco. If anyone knows where that is, it's like by the water, kind of by the Bay Bridge. And he scooped me up and like twirled me around. And I always wanted someone to do that, but I was always kind of heavy. I'm very muscular. And so I've always just weighed a lot. And I was like, it will take a really strong dude

Speaker 1 or human to lift me up and do that. And he did that, and I just was, I felt so nice and so loved. So when we met up years later, and time had passed, first of all, I got to say, I am so sorry because I was so angry at you. That's one of the reasons it ended up we broke up ultimately, because I had this resentment that he couldn't help me. And it only hit me later how hard it must have been for him to see the person he loved the most. Go from the inspiration girl to like wanting to die and literally not being

Speaker 1 able to help. I've since learned no one can actually help you. You have to help yourself. But he received my apology and we laughed and and we looked at our kind of mat, we had these matching, not exactly tattoos and not of each other, because I'd still never do that. But he had a tattoo he got while we were together of a heart, and I saw his and I saw mine that says this is it in the same place. And we just both appreciated that we had that story and that he wrote those letters. And right before I left, he goes, Hey, you want me to

Speaker 1 twirl you around in the bar? And he did. He picked me up and he twirled me around and I left. And I thought, wow. Wow. I mean, there wasn't resentment anymore, there wasn't pain. Took a lot to get there. But the point is, one of the things that helped me get through that, and I will talk about a lot of the other ones, as I do in my mental wealth workshops, because I share tools that saved my life at a time where I really thought it was done. I thought my story was gonna end at 29, and it was devastating. And I was wrong. I'm so

Speaker 1 glad I was wrong. I was listening to music because music has always just been like helpful at every time. My music was also very depressing at that point, and it's funny, I've made playlists my whole life, and every playlist is either started at a time of depression or at a time of love. So they all remind me of times where I was suffering or at times where I was falling in love with someone new. And funny enough, all the ones that are where the depression ones shift throughout the playlist, and they literally go from like a very slow, melancholy vibe to like a more uh uplifting

Speaker 1 vibe. So I can always tell when I started feeling better based on my playlists. And I can also tell based on the ones made inspired by the men I was with where shit was happening as well. So it's very funny. I'm gonna post um again the playlist with the love songs, but you can check out the other ones. I I have like tons of playlists through the years. And I just had this moment one time where I was listening to a song, and I don't even remember what song it was, but I happened to be standing in front of my, like I had this makeup counter

Speaker 1 with a mirror, and I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't look like myself. When I was super depressed, people would even say my eyes looked different. It's like literally some of my soul was out of my body. I wasn't wearing makeup, I wasn't taking care of myself. I didn't love myself, I didn't know how to do anything. And a song came on, and I don't know, I just started singing along and I looked at myself and I thought, oh my God, what if I sing this to myself? And it was super hard at first. And then I did it a little more, and

Speaker 1 I did it a little more. And I always say the tools I share are very simple and short, five minutes a day. So then I did that. I went through and I chose some of my favorite love songs that I always thought of as like, wow, how who did they write that for? I wish someone wrote me a song. And I just sang them to myself, sometimes in the mirror, but it took me a while to get to the mirror. The mirror, I'd say, is like the the extra challenge way to do this. And that's what I invite you to do. I invite you for the

Speaker 1 next week to make a list and feel free to use mine, but you know, my songs might not be your songs. And I'm about to pull up the song that I've been singing most recently, and I don't want it to start playing before I'm ready for it. And I invite you to sing that song to yourself. And if you want to go with a little bonus, make it harder, look at yourself in the mirror. You know, most of us can't look at ourselves in the mirror, it's really hard to see yourself fully. Again, we're just not taught self-love, but I gotta tell you guys, singing love

Speaker 1 songs to myself literally was one of the things that saved my life. Because words, as I said at the beginning, are powerful. Music is powerful. And if you look at yourself and you even say, I love you, you're powerful, I'm here for you. That in itself is healing. That's what also was a piece that saved my life. I'm gonna get my friend who who was a is a Dharma teacher who who said something to me about loving myself through this and holding myself as a baby, that I want him to share in his own words, because truly he's a profound human being who helped me look

Speaker 1 inward and get the love that I'd been seeking externally from me. And by the way, that does not mean you're not still super open to love from others. Anytime anyone in this life wants to write me a love letter or sing me a song, hell yeah. But I'm not waiting for it. And that changed something. So let's get my backup singer. Again.

Speaker 1 Anyone know the song, The Power of Love? By Celine Dion.

Speaker 1 By the way, my voice has gone because I've been singing too much.

Speaker 1 I know I'm not going to like how that sounds.

Speaker 1 Because I'm your lady and you're my man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, in a few lines, she says something like, When I'm most afraid, I'm going to. Oh my gosh. I wanted to sing that part, but I just wanted to hear that for a second. Because first of all, I know I sounded horrible. You know why? Because I've been blasting this song for a week, screaming it. I'm your lady and you're my man. Not only do I sing this to myself, I literally realized I am my man. I am the lady. I am here to fucking love myself so hard and show myself that love. And I'm telling you, thank you, Celine Dion. I joke that you were

Speaker 1 my backup singer because obviously you are not. And you're incredible with your art and your music and all of you out there who make songs, who are inspired to sing to other people. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And all of you out there who listen to music, which is every single human here who's listening to me, sing a loved song to yourself as a practice, as a mental wealth tool that is free, that you can choose to do if you listen to the part of you right now that might be like, hmm, hmm. You know what I mean? It's simple. The simplest stuff is the

Speaker 1 most epic, but you gotta do it. All right. And also, I'm gonna wrap this story up with this. When we write, like when we take a pen and put it to paper, from a neuroscience perspective, literally, you remember more when you write it down. A. B, it makes it real in some spirit realm. I'm telling you, writing those letters every month. Every single thing that I've ever written down has happened. It hasn't happened how I thought, how I wanted, or in the time frame that I imagined, but it's all happened and recently it's been happening faster and even more epically. I don't even know if that's

Speaker 1 a word. It's been rad. It's been a really awesome detour from what I thought because I'm telling you, what the universe has in mind and has in store was even more epic. Anthony was more beautiful, wrote more beautiful letters, and loved me in a more profound way that I could have even imagined. And it didn't work out. And it broke my soul, was one of the reasons I was in the darkness. But Anthony was not my husband. He wasn't. I would have been wrong there. I keep saying now, I probably would have been divorced three times now, which would have been fine too. Just more paperwork,

Speaker 1 you know? It's all good. There are no mistakes. And when shit hits the fan and you go to some music, think of a song that you can sing to yourself. I'm gonna share a playlist. I'm gonna share the video I made about it, I'm gonna link some stuff. I think you'll really appreciate it. And I want to again close with this. This does not mean you do not receive and want things from other people. But I think when you love yourself at a profound enough level where you can look at your own face into your own eyes and say those types of things that you would

Speaker 1 usually say to someone you were so falling in love with, that changes your physiology. It changes your heart, it heals your soul and your pain. And I want that for you. If you're suffering. And if you're not, do it anyway. It's just freaking fun, right? Yeah. Doesn't all have to be super heavy. I learned my greatest lessons through a lot of pain, but I share them because I don't want you to have to swint through four years of shit wanting to just escape from pain. Uh, pain is inevitable. Suffering, we can do something about. And so I hope this inspires you to just sing to yourself

Speaker 1 sometime. Write yourself that damn letter. Mail it to yourself, buy yourself a gift and write yourself a letter of appreciation with it because you do deserve all the love in the world. You just don't have to wait for it. You can give it to yourself. The one person you're literally gonna be in a relationship with for the rest of your life is you. Sorry. Nothing you can do about that. So you might as well make that relationship as loving as possible. And when you find yourself being an asshole to yourself, buy yourself a little gift and say you're sorry. All right. And contact me if you

Speaker 1 want a mental wealth experience, some coaching around this. This is the kind of bread and butter of what I'm most passionate about in all my work because we have an epidemic today of mental health issues. I don't know anyone who is not affected personally or with they know someone who's severely suffered, and it is normal, it is human, and we can heal in a lot of ways and music and love songs and love letters and going inward and loving yourself like you would someone you've been singing a song to or you want to sing a song to. It's profound. Try it out. Yeah, yeah. I sing

Speaker 1 all the time. Sometimes I even blast music super loud when I'm driving, put the windows down, and there's a part of me that's like people are gonna think you're crazy. And you know what happens every time? I might look over and people are smiling. Okay. I want you to smile, and it's fine if you're feeling like shit in a fetal position on the floor. All right. That's probably not the time to sing yourself a love song because it might seem inauthentic, but it might just be. The only way to know is if you try it out. Which brings me to the end of this episode. Here's

Speaker 1 your homework. First, notice how was that? How'd it land? Would you think of just a touch of inspiration? What'd you think of the story? How did it land in terms of how fast I was speaking? Could you feel my heart? Could you feel my pain? Could you feel my love? What'd you think of my voice? Did I sound as bad as I thought? Notice your own thoughts and let them go. And your homework this week is listen to yourself and ask yourself, what is my favorite love song that I would sing to myself if I was gonna do it? And then just do it. Get in

Speaker 1 the shower, put on the song, get in your car. I don't care how you do it, just do it. And then, bonus, tell me, write a review of this uh episode, message me, share this with a friend who you want to love themselves more. Because you know, if we loved ourselves the way we love our best friend, I think we'd be saying a lot kinder things to ourselves, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hope this inspires you to sing a little more, to write a little more, to do something nice for yourself today. Because you really can. You know? Yeah, go do it. I love you. You love you. You just might not know it. Little reminder right here. Bye.